My boyfriend just broke up with me and I don't know what to do?

So I thought I was in a wonderful relationship with an amazing guy. We had been together for a little over a year and everything seemed great and I was so happy. We originally lived in central California, not together but separately, he lived in a town 45 mins away from me and would come to see me once or twice during the week and stay every weekend. We both had been divorced and both have children from our marriages, I have a son and he has two girls. He was 6 months out of his marriage when he met me. Anyways, he is in the navy and got stationed to southern california. I stayed in central California when he moved. He was there for about a month, I had came to visit him twice (7 hour drive) as I also have family down there. He decided he missed me too much, we had been dating 7 months at this point, and asked me to move down there to be with me. I was a little hesitant at first, as I had many friends where I was at and a decent job, but I loved him and also loved the city he was in and it's a good place for my son to grow up. So I asked him several times if he was ready for this and the commitment and he said yes and I decided to pack my things and go. We had a happy life in a house we rented 6 blocks from the beach, everything seemed fine. Then about 2 weeks ago he had to go to Japan for a week and when he came back he seemed a bit distant. I asked him if he was okay and he told me how he misses his kids and it's hard around the holidays. Sunday night we were getting ready to lay down and he asked me why I loved him. I told him because I thought he was a good person and he told me he's not and just said flat out he wants to break up. I was so devastated. He said that things moved too quickly, that our relationship seems more like a marriage and it made him uncomfortable and he wasn't ready to be a family unit and he wants his freedom back. I have been beside myself and crying constantly til then. He's not kicking me out right away, he says he still loves me but

Updates:
Sorry ran out of space. I love him too and never did stop loving him, and this has been harder than ever. I feel hurt, betrayed, and blindsided. I paid rent for December so we will be living together til I can get my own place, which the plan I have won't be til mid January. He said I can take as much time as I need. But I am having such a hard time coping...
I also can't just move out, when I came down here I went back to school and didn't work and he was totally supportive, I was paying rent with money I had saved and my financial aid. So I am stuck here til mid January because rent is very expensive here and I can only do it with another person who is able to split it

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's within your right to know why he wants to break up. Ask him.

    Sounds to me like he has either done something bad or just feels like he doesn't deserve you.

    Ask him why he asked you why you loved him before he broke up with you. Ask him if there's something you can change.

    Good luck!

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    • When I told him I thought he was a good person he told me he isn't. He then after told me he wants to break up. He claims that his ex wife has made him into an emotional f*ck up and I told him that's bs that he says that because my ex husband beat the living hell out of me and treated me awful and I still don't let it ruin me as a person. He just told me the relationship has gotten to serious and it made him uncomfortable and he can't continue it

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    • He told me he tried to find the spark recently when we went on a motorcycle ride. My gma was to babysit my son and she got sick and cancelled last minute so at first it seemed plans were off but then his mom offered to watch him. My boyfriend said the whole trip felt like a chore, we left, stayed in our destination for an hour, then went. My point of view is we went on a beautiful ride up to a cute town, had lunch, shared some apple pie, rode back, stopped at the lake and Vista point and I had a great time. But I guess he didn't. I asked how we can rekindle things and he said nothing can be done

    • I dont really understand how he could leave you believing he was enjoying things when he wasn't. At no point did he raise any concerns with you or let you know how serious he felt about it. He could have at least worked through his problems with you previously if indeed now it's too late in his eyes to do anything.

      I really feel sorry for you and wish there was more I could do to help. Since you have to stay there for a while you could either carry on trying to be sweet in hope that he changes his mind. Or try your best to switch your feelings off, go out more and try best to avoid any confrontation. I'm not sure really what's best, but this guy is an idiot.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • What an terrible turn of events. Hopefully he realizes what a mess he put you and your son in and reconsider as the relationship seemed in a good state and it would be a shame to waste it over "freedom" when he wanted you to move there. He sounds childish and selfish. I understand your frustration but just stay strong and the pain is temporary and I hope you have better days.

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    • I agree, for a grown man with two girls especially. I suspect there may be more to it though. I would at least ask for his reasoning before hanging up your boots.

    • Yea my son has become attached to him and his children, his youngest is the same age, and it's going to be hard on him too. He doesn't know yet, but I asked if there was any hope of reconciliation and he said no...

What Girls Said 3

  • First off hugs!!! Secondly... so he came back different how? Was he short not as affectionate all the above? Where's his kids at?

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    • He was being less affectionate when he came back. Before he was very affectionate to me. He still would reciprocate if I gave him affection, and we still were intimate. His kids live with his ex wife in Washington...

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    • My son just asked me where my now ex was, he's gone at field training til Thursday and he said "I hope he comes back. When does he come back mommy?" And now I'm a mess again. I dated a few men after my awful divorce with my abusive ex husband and they of course all took me for granted. And i was about done and I met my recent bf and thought I had finally found something good and it's just all gone to shambles in front of my eyes and honestly I feel hopeless and lost atm

    • I to also have a son its not easy having a child go through a breakup with you !! Try and be strong in front of youe son they pick up on everything I know my 5 year old does

  • As at the end of all bus's just move out and move on... It is hurtful and might sound like the worst advice ever but it is the truth.

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    • I would just move out but right now I don't have the means to, I'm kinda stuck until this girl can move out with me because it's too expensive down here to rent on my own...

  • Move on find another guy

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