- If at first you don't succeed, let that cheater go
- If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
Should I take him up on the counseling and then figure it out from there or should I just give up since this is not the first time?
What Guys Said 1
Normally the moment someone cheats and doesn't instantly fix it, I see move on. I am going to give slightly different counsel now. And there is only one reason... that is because he claims that he is willing to go to counseling. So if that is true, it is worth one more shot, but you are going to need to do several things and YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO HOLD FIRM. This won't be easy for you, but if it works out it will be worth it and if it doesn't then you will know that you did all you could for your children, you and even him.
1) He needs to stop all contact with any other woman that is not you.
2) He needs to be willing to go to counseling, do everything that is recommended, and BE ACCOUNTABLE to not only you but another man or the counselor.
3) The counselor needs to be a man not a woman.
4) He needs to be coming home after work not going out to a bar or where ever (I am not saying he can't stop at the store, but I mean he doesn't need to be going out socially without you)
5) And YOU need to take a breath and think about what you can be doing differently too. I am not suggesting that you are doing anything wrong, but often times we can always improve ourselves. Have you ever asked him if there is something that you can do differently for him? Do you nag? Or are you dramatic? Or take all the covers at night? My point is that I am just saying you need to think about what you can also do differently to help. Please understand this is not some attempt to blame you or make you feel guilty.
I suspect you have suffered for a long time. I know you are hurting deeply. I don't know you but I am proud that you are willing to keep trying, even though your heart is broken.
If you go to counseling I hope you will go in open-minded, even though it is risky. If it works out it will be worth it. If it does not, then listen to me carefully: you can walk away knowing that you did everything you could, you examined yourself, you took risks, you loved with all your heart.
What Girls Said 1
Honestly, I don't think he can change. He's a cheater and a liar and I don't see how counseling is going to change that. I assume he just doesn't want to leave the comfort of the home and so tells you whatever he thinks you want to hear. It's not so hard not to cheat and not to lie.
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