Should I take him up on the counseling and then figure it out from there or should I just give up since this is not the first time?

Me and my boyfriend of 7 years have been going at it a lot lately, mostly about him talking to other females. He is very flirtatious and will give or take a phone number from anyone. He also lies a lot. So i kicked him out everyday for a month I finally drew the line and told him by Friday he had to leave. He left but didn't take anything. He came over almost every day to see our kids and take a bath then I started letting him sleep over basically he never left! My hopes of breaking up and him leaving were for him to appreciate me and realize how important our family is to him. I started to see improvement he started spending more time with me and our kids and he would call me and answered the phone when I would call he'd even text me back. He would tell me daily how much he loved me and wanted to make things work and that he wanted to come home permanently I told him he had to stay consistent and keep showing me he wanted the relationship he did here and there but he never really gave it his all this has been going on for 3 weeks so a few days ago I find a few hair strands in his beard I question him and he tells me if he were doing anything with anyone besides me he would tell me so me being skeptical I check his online phone records and confront him I even had a conversation with the female in front of him basically he and she have been having a fling for a month and they have had unprotected sex at least once I have also have had unprotected sex with him 4 days before I found out and he has not been in contact with her and she has contacted me to apologize because he told her he had no contact with me at all he swears he will be a better man but he has promised in the past to change his cheating lying ways he's even volunteered to go to counseling and church so he can be a better spouse and father I don't know what to think I love him so much but having unprotected sex is so low down and dirty especially when you don't know the person from a hole in the wall
  • If at first you don't succeed, let that cheater go
    Vote A
  • If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
    Vote B
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What Guys Said 1

  • Normally the moment someone cheats and doesn't instantly fix it, I see move on. I am going to give slightly different counsel now. And there is only one reason... that is because he claims that he is willing to go to counseling. So if that is true, it is worth one more shot, but you are going to need to do several things and YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO HOLD FIRM. This won't be easy for you, but if it works out it will be worth it and if it doesn't then you will know that you did all you could for your children, you and even him.

    1) He needs to stop all contact with any other woman that is not you.
    2) He needs to be willing to go to counseling, do everything that is recommended, and BE ACCOUNTABLE to not only you but another man or the counselor.
    3) The counselor needs to be a man not a woman.
    4) He needs to be coming home after work not going out to a bar or where ever (I am not saying he can't stop at the store, but I mean he doesn't need to be going out socially without you)
    5) And YOU need to take a breath and think about what you can be doing differently too. I am not suggesting that you are doing anything wrong, but often times we can always improve ourselves. Have you ever asked him if there is something that you can do differently for him? Do you nag? Or are you dramatic? Or take all the covers at night? My point is that I am just saying you need to think about what you can also do differently to help. Please understand this is not some attempt to blame you or make you feel guilty.

    I suspect you have suffered for a long time. I know you are hurting deeply. I don't know you but I am proud that you are willing to keep trying, even though your heart is broken.

    If you go to counseling I hope you will go in open-minded, even though it is risky. If it works out it will be worth it. If it does not, then listen to me carefully: you can walk away knowing that you did everything you could, you examined yourself, you took risks, you loved with all your heart.


What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly, I don't think he can change. He's a cheater and a liar and I don't see how counseling is going to change that. I assume he just doesn't want to leave the comfort of the home and so tells you whatever he thinks you want to hear. It's not so hard not to cheat and not to lie.


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