Why would you miss an unhealthy relationship?

I was on and off with a girl for 6 years. She broke up with me three times and cheated on me once. I finally cheated on her after all the years of abuse and she cut me off like I was no one. I forgave her every time but she didn't return the favor. I know she wasn't good for me. She is narcissistic, mean, depressed, self centered, and aside from the great sex, an insufferable bore. I've moved on, and I'm even with a better girl, but I still feel like ass. It's been about six months and I still find myself checking up on her. She's added and deleted men on her Facebook and last time I had a friend check it, she said dating sucks and is still living with her parents at the age of 30. I should be happy, but I'm not. I miss her. I think about her with other people and it tears me up, and I don't want to care anymore. I've taken steps: working out, going to school for my dream job, getting strange, and finding a better woman. Still I'm butt hurt. Can someone explain this to me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel your loss, i dated my ex for 9 years, drugs, cheating and im still hurt because you spent so long together and for me its like i lost a sibling, i lost a connection i had with someone for years. And there is the regret too, the years wasted, it feels like a mistake, and we have a child together so i always feel guilty.

    I try to remember that we had good times but grew apart and that ill find someone new one day, but its important to heal before pursuing a new relationship, one month for each year i heard its good to clear your thoughts and figure out who you are where you went wrong, and just find yourself enjoy being single because its rare and its a really good time to connect with yourself.

    i cried for 2 months but im on month 4 and going strong.

    • I'm glad I'm not alone.

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What Girls Said 2

  • they say the best sex is with someone you shdnt be sleeping with...
    just remember if she's boring... why would you want that, it will get old, you just want what you can't have

    • That's exactly it I think. Aside from all the stupid shit in our relationship, the sex was pretty amazing. But, as you know that can't be the only good thing in a relationship. She was very controlling and uppity. All my friends tell me I dodged a huge bullet and I believe them. It doesn't make me feel any better though. It's been 6 months and she's forgotten all about me. I've heard from her twice. She called me drunk once and said she missed me, but then retracted that the next day. The sends me an email a month later saying she missed me, but then retracted in that one too. She said it's too difficult to be friends and I told her to take care. I invested so much into her and got nothing back in return. My friends call her a narcissist and they don't miss thier victims.

  • You probably saw a "life" with her where things were actually happy and not so unhealthy. I felt that way about my ex for 7+ years; I couldn't let go of our toxic relationship because I was so sure we'd one day make it and have this amazing life together. It pained me thinking of him being happy with someone else because he was supposed to be happy with me. Made me feel like a failure for not being able to make his happy, and jealous that he might be making someone else happy. It may sound like I was trying to "own" him but it was more of me just having put so much faith and effort into our relationship and being devastated when it didn't work out. It's hard letting go of dreams.

    • Seems like our situations are very alike, and for about the same amount of time. So what did you do to get by? What did you do to get past it. I still hurt, and she doesn't give a shit at all, so I need to get rid of it.

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    • Stay strong!

    • I'm trying. You too.

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