Am I in the wrong? Some advise?

My ex bf and are trying to work things out and he asked me to stay over at his house problem is to respect my parents beliefs of not staying over unless married i told him no.. and he got upset and said nevermind... this is 1 thing that is hard for me because if I lived by myself in a heartbeat I'd go over there but to my fam it's a disappointment. . i dnt want to lose him but I feel he shld be understanding.. whose In the wrong? I dnt have my own apt right now because I cnt afford it my tuition is expensive

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Firstly, I applause you. Well done girl. Secondly, he is wrong. You were doing the right thing by saying no. I think that respecting your parents wishes is an amazing and invaluable trait that I all too rare these days. I also find it awesome that you recognize and respect their rules while living under their roof. I'll say it again. Well done. You need to seriously look at this relationship and ask yourself. Is he honestly taking your values into consideration, or just being selfish, and is he worth it?

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    • You know exactly where im coming from thank you i wish more guys were like you because I feel a girl who respects her parents and beliefs should be valued. I'm really an old fashion girl and I've been taught to not let just any charmer sweep you off your feet make him work for it. To many girls lose their value.. i wish he wld see if I'm a girl who cares to respect her parents he should even be more proud of who I am because I'm diffrent. His last gf wld come whenever he said (even if it was at 3am), drank, partied That she wld pass out get kicked out of Bars.. wld pass out just trashy it last less than 2mths and guess what she was the girl he got with when he broke up with me.. smh and everybody told him she wasn't even pretty

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    • Yes slowly he's coming along.. well thank you for all your help.. wish you the best in everything you do :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • Explain that to him. If he still doesn't care then decide whether you value his opinion or your parents' opinion more.

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    • I know my parents will always do what's best for me.. my ex might not always so I respect my parents very much I just feel I'm trying to make everyone happy and in the end I'm not.. but can't afford my own apt right now

    • You can't make everyone happy in this situation. Decide who you want to to be less disappointed and do what they suggest.

    • I have stayed before my parents not knowing of course but he also has to understand he can't randomly just ask me to whenever he feels like it it's not as easy to just go without them figuring out what I'm really doing

  • I think you are in the wrong. I think your parents are a little bit too delicate, its for you to recognize that and be independent.

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    • YOU sir, are in the wrong for this comment. I find that it is a very good thing for her to respect her parents in this way. That's hard to find these days. A woman that actually values her parents wishes and respects them?

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    • Yes, absolutely. Judging by that post on that little girls question, you DEFINITELY ARE NOT, a sexual predator. Idiot.

    • Get out of it @TrueblueInfantry. I think you have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with accusing others of being sexual predators, could be part of your own underlying desires. I suggest you go and get some counseling or something.

  • your parents have to respect what you want to do as well

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    • you both need to talk about this. the thing that most often destroys relationships is not communicating

    • Yeah but like many beliefs when your fam is strongly based on that it's like your fam would look at you like why?

    • He's the type that when something doesn't go his way he will be mad and feel like I'm not putting an effort but he already knows how my parents feel about that and he says I'm old enough to do whatever but he also has to understand i dnt have my own house to do whatever I want

What Girls Said 3

  • You are not in the wrong. I understand where you're coming from as my parents/culture/society is the same.

    Its good that you dont want to disappoint your family and your ex bf should be understanding of that. If he's serious about you it wouldn't be an issue if you stay over or not. He should be content with spending time with you whether its for an entire day or a few hours.

    I think maybe if your'e engaed your family would ease up a little, at least thats what how i hope my family will be when i get to that stage.

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    • Thank you so much you do know where I'm coming from because that's how I see it. This is 1 main reason why we broke up because he felt like I wouldn't try hard enough to make an effort to him he sees it as I'm old enough to do whatever I want and yes in society you are but when you live in a house that isn't your own you have to respect what they say goes. He's never had a lifestyle as that his parents let him do whatever he wanted. After all this convo he said ok but seemed like he was reminded why we can't be together. He asked me also at 3am to go over to me that's not reasonable either i rather be at his house earlier than randomly head over there just because he says

  • So you only respect your parents' beliefs as long as you live in their house, but if you had your own place, their belief wouldn't matter. The fact is that you are an adult, and it is not unreasonable of a guy to want to spend the night with you. My mother has different beliefs to mine in many areas (although nothing as extreme as not staying over with a boyfriend before marriage) and whilst I do respect and love my mother, I have my own life to live and my own decisions to make.

    In the long run, a relationship isn't going to work for very long if you cannot stay over. You need to talk to your parents about this and if they aren't some kind of fanatics, they will hopefully understand that this is your life and you are entitled to do what you want without having to "protect" them from disappointment.

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    • Your right I should respect them no matter what if I do respect them. However, we have broken up primarily for the same reason he feels I need to put more effort and wants to feel that I have the freedom to do whatever I want and because I cnt go over when he says it's frustrating to him. He also needs to understand to be reasonable he wanted me to randomly go over at 3am. It sucks because I really do care about him but I'm not just any girl and he has to understand that

    • I agree that asking you to go over randomly at 3 am and be upset/mad when you can't/ won't, whether you live alone or not, is over the top and unreasonable. I think you two need to find some sort of compromise (which obviously have to involve your parents). You should sit them down and explain to them that you want to occasionally spend the night with your boyfriend. And then perhaps you can plan a specific night ahead with your boyfriend, but make it clear to him that in the current situation, you cannot be spontaneous.

    • Unfortunately, my parents won't understand as set in stone they are to that belief they will be like "are you crazy that's not even a question you ask" n probably get a slap lol.. after that everytime i would spend time with him they'd probably feel he's a bad influence and if I stay over at a gfs house they be wondering if I'm really with him.. so because of that I rather not even bring up the topic.. to me i feel if we are not married we shouldn't be playing house.. but I did get to experience staying over with him before and it does feel nice to be with the person you love

  • You are not biting the hand that feed you? And he thinks you should so that you can please him yet get thrown out on the streets in the freeezing cold winter time? What a caring person he is!

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    • I'm sorry I'm not following on what you said

    • forget about it.

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