I don't love him. Am I wasting my time?

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend of 9 months is 32. The start of our relationship was amazing. We were the perfect fit. I was so happy. Around the 6 month mark, I developed an STI. I was devastated when the doctor told me. I have been completely faithful and I could only think that he gave it to me. I chose not to approach him about it. I was embarrassed, ashamed and disgusted with myself. Having said that, our sex life took a downhill turn. I didn't want to have sex much anymore and secretly blamed him inside for why it was happening to us.

Also 6 months into any relationship I've had, I've known if I loved the person or not. But in both my past relationships, I've "checked out" around the 8 months mark (just not happy anymore). But in this relationship, I haven't felt that need to say I love you. It makes me nervous that I'm in this relationship and I don't love him yet. He told me he loved me for the first time about 2 weeks ago. And I couldn't say it back. He was obviously hurt and upset and asked me to leave the room. The next day he said he wanted a break. I was so confused and angry about what was happening, I packed upmy belongings (we dont live together) and left.

The day after we went on a break, I slept with someone else. I also started talking to guys on tinder. I did feel terrible about that and it ate me up inside. When he wanted to work things out, I told him what I did. He was pissed but after a few days, he still wants to be with me.

We've been back together for maybe a week and I'm still on the fence if this is the relationship for me. I can't figure out why around the 8th month mark, I'm just not feeling it anymore. Should I just stick it out and see if he's the one for me? I just want to be in a relationship where the happiness and closeness grows and blooms, not fades. I feel like that's all I've ever known. Any advice is muchly appreciated.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh dear, why oh why did you go sleep with another guy? Why contact other guys on tinder?

    The guy was obviously gutted and upset for not hearing back I love you. Having said that. It was bad he never told you about the sti BUT the principle mistake you made was because you both didn't talk about things. You were unhappy but we're afraid to talk to him and it got to the point where you have lost feelings for him as a result. Likewise he never talked to you do you were never really on the same terms.

    I would both move on. Although he says he's willing to forgive you, you sleeping with someone else will always haunt him, just like the sti haunted you.

    Whatever you do, getting angry and turning to another guy will never fix anything. You may be angry but you won't get anywhere by cheating. You may also find yourself with the wrong people because of this. It's a bad mistake to make.

    You need to share a connection with someone where you can talk through your problems. There's no such thing as finding the right person and not having any problems. Relationships are hard work and lots of effort and talking is required to make things work. If you don't have this, then it will probably stop working at some point.

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    • I thought I'd add, if you find the right guy and keep things open you should be OK. You want to know to break things off before you get to the point of wanting anyone else.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't get why you're still with him

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What Guys Said 2

  • its time to end this
    u clearly dont have communication, you dont have affection and there is no connection

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  • I'm not gonna judge here but to be frank the sleeping with some other dude was pretty dirtbaggy.

    You obviously dont care about this guy enough, you have to many doubts and your head is spining this could lead you to cheat if you stay. It's time to count the losses and part away and then you will both find other people who will make you guys happy vs staying together and being in a stressfull relationship

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What Girls Said 1

  • You're just hurting both of you... end it

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