Please help! I need some advice on what to do about my ex that has been stalking me for over a year?

My ex boyfriend and I broke up at the end of July in 2013. We broke up because he is nothing but a lying, cheating user. He would try to manipulate me, and he was mentally, and emotionally abusive and tried to be physically abusive. After I kicked him out I found out he was using drugs. After a few months of us being broke up, he tried to calling/texting me, messaging me on Facebook. I ignored every message. Well things got worse and he started stalking me. He has followed me all around town, he has set across the street from the house I was at, he drives past my house multiple times day and night. We have had a couple times where he actually got face to face with me and things got a little crazy. He slammed me against my car and tried to choke me and I have punched him in the face. I have contacted law enforcement but they haven't been much help since they can't actually catch him doing it. Still to this day he continues to stalk me and send me messages. Last night he sent me a message and told me Goodbye, that he would never bother me again and asked me to listen to "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. He told me that the song explains how he feels. I didn't respond back to him. Well, I ended up listening to the song and now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do. I do not want to be with him, or have any contact with him. However, I kinda feel like maybe he is suicidal or something and I am concerned and don't know what to do. Am I reading to far into this or should I just ignore it like I have been? Someone please give me some advice on what to do. How would you take it if this happened to you?

Updates:
The local sheriff helped me get a restraining order, so hopefully that will help keep my ex away or at least make it easier to put him in jail if he continues to stalk and harass me. I haven't seen or heard anything from him since he sent that message with the song.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • this guy is unstable and potentially dangerous. Worry about yourself and your own safety. Keep calling the police and get pushy with them. I don't know the rules, but that sounds fishy about not catching him in the act. Maybe check with the local prosecutor instead of the police. Find out what can be done. Maybe also check with agencies or groups that deal with this kind of thing. They may have some suggestions.

    You are NOT responsible for his life and instability. Don't be manipulated into feelings of guilt for his actions. Do not contact him or have anything to do with him. Seriously consider a restraining order. Whatever you do, watch out for yourself first. Don't let your feelings or manipulation put you in danger.

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    • I call law enforcement every time he comes around and I have been extremely pushy with them. I have pretty much given up on help from the law though. I have talked to our county attorney also. I have tried to get a restraining order against him but can't get one. They claim it's because there isn't any actually charges filed against him. It just sucks because I can't go anywhere or do anything without having to worry what he is going to do. Hopefully his message is right and he will finally leave me alone.

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    • If he ever lays a hand on me again he will be going to jail. I contacted my local sheriff earlier tonight. The sheriff told me the next time my ex repeatedly drives by my house or follows me around to try to get it on video and to call him and the law center and have them send an officer. My local sheriff is also going to help get a restraining order.

    • Well good. It sounds like you are making some progress. Good luck and look out for yourself first. Post an update and let us know how it turns out.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, I don't know what the deal is with the LEO's or what state you live in but they are seriously lacking. You need to go down and make a report with the Police. They can't stop you. If you have any incriminating evidence, pictures, texts, witnesses who have seen him at his worst you need them too. LEO's are sweeping this under the rug and they are pulling the wool over your eyes, you don't need charges filed to file a restraining order. So long as you fear for your safety that should be enough, then again it could also depend on the state and municipal laws. Look up your state law on restraining orders and see what is required.

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    • I contacted my local sheriff earlier tonight. The sheriff told me the next time my ex repeatedly drives by my house or follows me around to try to get it on video and to call him and the law center and have them send an officer. My local sheriff is also going to help get a restraining order. I have never actually talked to the Sheriff about this but he seems more willing to help me than any of the police department. My local police department sucks but the Sheriff department seems to be pretty decent so hopefully I will get the help I need with this situation.

    • dont delete anything

    • I will keep everything I can get. If I can get enough evidence than they can charge him with Stalking which is a Class C felony here. I'm hoping he will just leave me alone or at least get caught soon! I don't know how much more I can take of this crap.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Don't just be unresponsive to his messages. To truly ignore him you must also stop reading his messages. He is messaging you as a way of manipulating you. Don't allow him to have that kind of power. Agree with @DanAG .

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