Tbh it's ridiculous that i'm even writing this question out tbh, i have literally only been with this girl for a month. Anyway quick backstory, she has just come out of an abusive relationship, like literally she dumped the guy because he was controlling and used to hit her. She's liked me for like 6 months, but nothing ever happened because she had a bf and i had a gf so we didn't really speak it was only when she broke up with this guy that we began speaking. We moved pretty fast i mean she said she loves me after a week of offically going out, she tells everyone about me introduced me to her mum posts me all over everything she has Facebook etc, so i can tell her feelings are genuine.
The situation yesterday occured because the night before, a girl apparently gave her a dirty look, i do not even pick up on these things me and her friend both had no idea what was happening or what the girl did, the girl gave me a hug goodbye, which i think angered my girlfriend.
Next day she says she has doubts about me as i'm too nice, as i didn't step in and put the girl in her place for offending my her eventhough i didn't know what the girl did to offend her in the first place. She said she had doubts that she doesn't want to be the man in the relationship and i'm too nice to people.
That got me seriously angry i mean i told her she should know if the girl said anything bad to her i would have stepped in i even told her afterwards what did she say do you want me to go talk to her and she said i should leave it.
She then says, she has jealously and anger issues that's she's putting on me, hasn't let all the anger from her ex relationship out yet, and maybe she isn't ready for a relationship as she is suffering from depression and is scared of hurting me. Said no guy has ever been as good to her as me and she's scared of messing up our relationship, we spoke we kissed and made up still together, but the fact she contemplated dumping me bothers me, am i wrong?
Most Helpful Girl
She was in an abusive relationship before you. Because of this she has come to you in pieces and she is hurt and angry. She most likely has trust issues and maybe some commitment fears. All in all, she has some baggage.
You’ve been with her for a month. It is not only a month, a lot can happen in just one month. She seems to believe that she loves you. Do you love her? It’s not crazy if so.
It is possible though that she is with you to clean up her mess. She sees you as a way to fill this void in her heart that she has from her previous relationship. She may not be aware of this though, so be offended and think that she is ‘using’ you. If this is true, then it is most likely something in her subconscious. Our minds will make us believe/do anything to help try and heal our hearts or fill a space or longing that we have.
She’s confused. She is angry at her ex, she is hurt by his actions and words. Her ex made her feel worthless and she isn’t confident anymore. She’s broken. She feels like you’re too good for her and doesn’t believe she deserves you because of how good to her you are. She most likely also believes you deserve better than her. She thinks that because of this, she should dump you to free you.
She also feels like she needs to deal with all of her baggage before continuing on in the dating the life. This is perfectly understandable. But it doesn't mean she has to deal with it without you. I think you need to get her a therapist or a councilor. I know you guys may not want this, but trust me, it is for the best and WILL help. It will strengthen her spirit and help her become happier and realize her self worth and will make her confront her past and teach her how to deal with it. She’ll need you by her side as she is going through this as well, and this process will strengthen your guys’ relationship. You can even attend therapy sessions with her so she feels more comfortable and safe.0
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Most Helpful Guy
Maybe it's the remnants of the abusive relationship, but she has some interesting mood changes there. It sounds vaguely bipolar or BPD the way she is angry at you for being nice, and then tells you how nobody's ever been so nice to her before, and then wants away from you because she is scared of hurting you, but she loves you and doesn't want to mess it up, but you didn't stand up for her!
I don't see this lasting, the pendulum will swing too far one day and she'll end it and it'll be your fault, and she'll probably be back not long after acting like nothing happened and everything's fine again.0
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