I am absolutely confused right now and it's tearing me apart?

So I moved in with my boyfriend about 6 months ago, and everything was fine until a week ago he told me out of the blue he wants to break up. I live in a 2 bedroom house with him with my son. He moved in here first and begged me to move from my hometown to be with him. Anyways things were great and amazing and I was the happiest girl in the world. Until for about 2 weeks he was acting distant and I asked why and he said because of the holidays and he missed his children. Then one night we were laying in bed together and he told me he wanted to break up. So now here I am broken and lost, on top of that since I left my job to move in and we agreed I'd go back to school I currently don't have means to move out right now without a roommate and I paid rent already so I have to stay here til January. So it's been a week and a half since he broke this to me, I've been crying everyday and hardly eating and going to my cousins or gmas house to escape it. I was gone all weekend, and over the weekend I told him how I hated this and he said "I know, it's not fun". Come to find out he's been asking his friends opinions whether he should go through with the break up and his mom told me she talked to him and he is torn. I didn't do anything wrong to cause him to do this. So last night we sat down and watched a show, then something came over me to go lay on his lap. He looked at me in the eyes and I told him I still love him and he said he still loved me too. We had both had a little to drink at this point. I kissed him, and at first he didn't kiss me back but then he grabbed the back of my hair and kissed me very passionately. He went in the shower and I followed, and he kissed me more but we didn't have sex, he said it's too much. Then he came to bed with me and fell asleep with his arms around me. Now today nothing has been said about any of it. He went to bed around 7, in my bed (I own all the furniture). I feel like an idiot and I'm afraid he's going to say it was a mistake.

Updates:
Also, since the night he said he wanted to break up he has been sleeping on the couch. I am afraid my heart is going to be broken all over again... he told me last night he still loves me and still wants me. I don't get it how he is still so hesitant towards me nor do I know if he still wants to break up or make amends...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately you need to find out whether he meant last night or not.

    You could ask if there is anything you can do to change his mind, like anything that's making him unhappy?

    Maybe it's irreparable though. If he misses his kids there's nothing you can do to influence that other than say he's free to have them to stay or free to see them when he wants.

    Maybe there are some reasons he's unhappy and you can help, but you can only help if he let's you. Good luck!

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    • You commented on my other question actually, which I posted when he first dumped me. He was the one saying he wants freedom and was unable to find the "spark" when we went to go do things. His children live in Washington, he knows they are always welcome and he can go see them, it's just a matter of him being able to afford it. Now today it's been small talk and silence. I've done absolutely everything I can, offered solutions to work things through and shown him I love him with all my heart. Now I'm scared he's giving me false hopes...

    • So I did. You love this guy so it's normal you want him to change his mind, last night though you had a couple of drinks and it's easy to feel different after drinking compared to normal. It could well be that he's confused and today he wants to break up and last night he didn't.

      Supposing though this lasts a long time? Can you cope with being let down so much?

      I would say to him that this is killing you inside of you didn't already and explain you can only really carry on if things stay like they were last night. If he is confused or still wants to break up then it's probably best you take some time away from each other. Then it will either be the case he'll realise he misses you or he won't.

      I think you said in your previous post it isn't possible for you to move out at this time, but is there a way you can get away for a week at least? Are you able to go back to your parents?

      Apart from that it sounds like you've done everything in your power

    • If you can't get away, he needs too if things carry on the way they are, because It sounds like he's really hurting you doing this and that's not fair on anyone. He really is an idiot of the highest order.. grrr.

Most Helpful Girl

  • That is a really really shitty situation. The real question is, do you want to be with someone so fickle?

    I mean, you might get back together, and then you'll be constantly worrying and wondering when he's going to drop the next bomb on you. Not healthy at all. As soon as you're able, I think you should leave.

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    • I know. And that's been going through my mind so much. What if he does it again? He was so kind and genuine to me. And we seemed really happy together. And it came out of nowhere and he says the relationship went too fast even tho he was the one who begged me to move in. And also small things he said had been bothering him he never communicated to me at all until now. I am just beside myself and I really loved him and still do, which makes it worse. I thought he did too

    • It sucks but it's normal to feel that way, especially when a break up comes out of the blue. I really suggest that you get out as soon as possible, and it's VERY important that you enforce the no contact rule.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm sorry, but this guy is like he's having his period. His emotions are bouncing like a pinball.

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