Why does silence work so well with men?

Why does it seem like when I take part in an argument with my ex, I get negitive responses. I get rudeness, accusations, and hurtful words. However, when I decide not to engage and give the 100% silent treatment, I get I love you, I miss you, we are meant to be.

Is this manipulation or some type of male phenomenon?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is not a male phenomenon, for not all male are like this. Simply put, it sounds like your ex is playing mind games with you. He sounds immature, and definitely has no respect for you.

    What I don't understand is why you are paying any attention to him? He must be an ex for a reason? By engaging him, you are being an enabler to his behavior towards you.

    I think you should ignore him and move on. In my experience, at the level you guys are at, it will be very difficult to turn things around and improve the relationship.

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    • That is exactly right. I may need to just change my number or something.

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    • Thanks for the MHO Hiitsmejen. You are aweome!

    • Defiantly welcome.. thanks for the sobering advice.

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What Guys Said 7

  • You're manipulating him.

    He isn't giving what you want, so you're using your "cunning" to fish what you want out for you. You're being selfish in a sense; you refuse to acknowledge him as a human being - as an individual - that's why your second option is 'Male phenomenon'.

    If you keep quiet over something, especially an argument, the other party is going to get worried, insecure, confused and will over think everything.

    As @HonestWhiteGuy has mentioned: You need to talk with him.

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  • Personally i hate that, if you can't talk about your problems and reach a solution how do you expect to get past it, ignoring it won't solve it

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    • That's the point. Im truly considering not working it out, but when I ask for the space, he freaks out. I woke up to 21 texts this morning.

  • It's manipulation

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  • Not all like that

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  • It's manipulation and I can tell you that definently works on girls as I have seen it. It works on both sides regardless and your manipulating. It's sickening in my opinion. Too many mind games like this cause issues and confusion in the first place.

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  • It's a human phenomenon, not a male one.

    And yes, you are being manipulative, but I think you knew that.

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  • The silent treatment is a way to manipulate your partner.

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    • I disagree. Sometimes its the only way to avoid an unnecessary, unproductive argument.

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    • So it makes more sense to continue sayin mean hurtful things with no resolution than to be quiet? Im 35+and was taught to say nothing at all if not something nice.

    • There is a difference between a silent treatment, and avoiding a fight.

What Girls Said 1

  • That's manipulative as fuck. I think it's just better for both partners to not like fight, but argue respectfully about what's upsetting them or either of them.

    I don't do silence treatments, though I'm sure my exes wished I did stfu once in a while lol. So I can't vouch for it's effective or ineffectiveness.

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    • Thats exactly what I am saying. Sometimes we've argued the issue to death with no resolution, and I feel that akk the slanderous, hate talk is more detrimental than some quiet time to reflect. Otherwise I feel we are beating our heads on a wall

    • Do you mean like you both are like quiet and just take time to cool down?
      Or do you mean you ignore him without telling him why you're bothered?

      When we were "silent" with each other, it's just that we both agreed to give each other time to cool down. But I would never purposefully ignore him and not even tell him why I'm bothered/upset. I think that's so manipulative and kinda wrong in my opinion.

    • I mean that he goes to his house, and continues with his childish bull**** and at some point i feel like I'm talking to a rock, so i decide for my own sanity, I'm not going to address thus hogwash. I feel like its so bazzar sometimes that he must be trying to make me feel crazy.

      But if all of those hurtful things he says are his true feelings, how come they do a 180 as soon as I go quiet? See what I mean? If he thought i was so effed up, wouldn't my quiet be a relief?

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