I'm trying to understand the logic of a woman willing to stay in a bad marriage and I don't mean abusive. This couple is in their late 30s, no kids, been together for 10+ years and have been married for 5-6 years.
She currently describes her relationship as not hating the guy but she doesn't feel she loves him anymore. She says she's not miserable, but she's not happy either. He rarely wants to spend time with her, he'd rather be hunting/fishing/camping. She often asks him to take part in activities she enjoys but he's not interested. They fight regularly. There is no intimacy, they go months to years without any (his choice). He doesn't like to cuddle or be touched.
In the past, I encouraged her to try harder, find ways of making it work but they keep ending up in the same rut. They don't need each other to support themselves, they could both make it on their own without a costly bitter divorce.
In the last 10 years, they've separated once and were on the verge at least 6 other times. I know that for the last few months, she's wanted out again. They've had multiple blow-outs over the last month. However, this week when we spoke about it, she said that she's confused and doesn't know what to do anymore. That her feelings are all over the place.
I'm not sure how to advise her anymore. I'm at the point where I want to tell her to leave but I know a woman has to decide this on her own. Trying to convince her will typically be off-putting. I want to be a good friend but at some point, she needs to realize it's never going to work. It's obvious her needs aren't being met and never will be by him.
So, why would she go from wanting out to thinking, let's try this again?
Why does she keep expecting different results, when he's never changed? Only does for a few weeks when he's about to lose her.
Is there anything that can be said to help her make the decision or do I just keep being there for her?
Why does she doubt things can be better than this?
Most Helpful Girl
I was there myself until this year. The honest, easy choice? It is cowardice and laziness, and traditionalism.
It is so much easier to stay in a loveless marriage than to have to start all over again. It is easier to avoid the topic than to confront it head on. It is also easier to remain in a loveless marriage than to have to admit that now you are a statistic for divorce, especially if you took your vows seriously.
Eventually she will figure it out; there will be nothing you can do to help her see it, though. SHe needs to figure it out on her own.0