Why do we feel so useless and good for nothing when we are rejected? how can we regain self esteem after being dumped?

we all have a list of qualities, of passions, of values that make us proud about ourselves, we have accomplishements, we have well payed jobs, good friends and loving families.

each one of us, when in a good mod, can make a self portrait or a list of qualities and say "damn! I'm a great catch! too bad I can't date myself!"

but when we are rejected, when we get dumped, we feel terrible, we feel like we have no value, like we aren't good enough, like we aren't worthy... why does this happen and how can we regain our self esteem after rejection?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • When u say we do u mean women only?
    Bcoz if she dumped me I dont feel terrible or blaming myself bcoz I know myself I'm enough for most girls and if she would cheat thats her choise i will be angry sure and I think will punch her but terrible or horible or I wasn't good enough I dont think in that
    my ex talked with some guys and it was clear she have realitionship but in secret i asked what u find in them that I dont have it? She said if I know u will know I about them i will never talk to them u r enough

    So I didn't blame myself and told her its u its ur choise and no one pushed u to do that u by urself did it she cry and told her goodbye and thats the results of ur choices

    Since then every now and then she try to be my gf again but no chance

    I dont see the point y people blame themselfs if they got cheated
    The cheater do it by himself and the moment he do it he put every memory every promise in his/her ass so all n all its the cheater fault

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    • I didn't mean women only, I'm sure some men also have this feeling from time to time :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Because we place our value as a person in what someone else thinks of us. This is a huge mistake. Someone else can't make us feel bad about ourselves unless we allow it

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    • yes but why do we need validation from that particular person and the all other validtion seems insignificant?

    • Because we value their opinion more due to having a crush on them

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What Guys Said 2

  • Are you referring to being dumped or being rejected? Because both are different. Please make your question unambiguous, so that we can answer better!

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    • well both situations, even if they can be different, have the same result: collapse of self esteem...

    • Show All
    • yes, you're right, when rejected or dumped very early in the relationship, that's the frustration that hurts the most, having a feeling that if only the other person would have had a closer look at you...

    • I understand what you're trying to say. Under such circumstances, the only thing we could possibly do, is toughen up and don't give a hoot about people who think we aren't good enough for them.

  • It's likely that if a person feels so down after a rejection or being dumped, their self esteem is already low so it isn't a question of how to regain self esteem but to actually attain self esteem. Self esteem doesn't come from others accepting you or another individual at all, it comes from within, its something that's cultivated by knowing that you as a person are not defined by anybody but yourself. The worst mistake an individual can do is to base their happiness on their relationships with others, as they say "you first have to love yourself before you can truly love others" it also applies to Happiness you have to be happy with the person you are before you can share happiness with someone else. Happiness includes having a high self esteem. In conclusion, who cares if one is rejected or dumped, it doesn't define you, and in the long run its for the best, you can only reach better things once the useless ones are out of the way.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Emotion bond is an invisible line connected like a telephone line between you and him. people say emotions are not energy as like with sexual energy. Id say hell to that. Its friggin real when you break ties, depression and emptiness is the aftermath of it.

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  • Go out, get a pedicure, buy some nice new clothes.
    Get up with your girl friends.
    Do a little reconnecting with old friends.
    Remember you are not alone.
    We have all been rejected at times.
    Some of it is waay worse than others.

    I knew a girl the got pregnant in HS, by a black guy.
    Her family through her out and has never once retreated.
    Unfortunately the black guy and his family did pretty much the same thing.
    My mom took her to visit the childrens ward at a hospital.
    She then realized all she needed was a new family.
    I think she is fine now with a beautiful 5 YO boy.

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