We dated 3 years, I ended it. Spent time fixing my problems, started hanging again. complications with another man in her life. She wants space now?

I began to back away in 3 years, offered nothing to the relationship, she got more needy and pushed me away. Most my actions defined the outcome. Freaked out when she lied, never told me anything again. Mad when she made a mistake, was scared to do things. Controlling I was. Depressed. Neglectful.

I ended it. I told her I needed to fix my life. I lived in my own house, the place looked like a storage shelter. I neglected finances. lost my muscular look, developed depression, wanted reflection time on my life. At this point I spent all my time enjoying myself, and actually got mostly everything together.

We started hanging out again in June. 2 - 3 months after. We noticed how happy I was without her. She was kind of on the chase I loved it. We met for sex and dinner, nothing more. I started doing a lot of reading about myself and interactions with others to improve myself when I realized I might want her again. July rolls around, I called her because I had a bad day. She didn't answer, nothing all day. I was scared to even think i wanted to try it again. Took another month of limited contact and finally decided to spent the night.

We did this maybe 5 times, but she was starting to see a guy in July I didn't know. Told her I'm not going to be here if she's with him, she just hid it from me (old reaction to our problems).

I found out they are dating, confessed and asked to try it again. (last chance, I could beat around anymore)

We went steady but he was still involved. Was a rough start but I was showing maturity in communication. Eventually, she left him. They met up one night to talk, she ignored me that night, I freaked out and yelled. Asked to talk, went over that exact night. He came back over before I got there... oh boy.

Called me next morning, she needed to do what I did in when I broke up, said she was so insecure and didn't like her self she used us for attention. No social media. She called twice, to check up..
The familiarity of the connection is amazing. Its comfortable. She's very on point with a successful life, finishing her masters, then getting a PhD. So I know after all I've done in self improving my brain (not completely there but close) I can make this work.

What do I really need to do to see if I can make this work? I'm not going to sit around, but I want to see if I can do what it takes, not shut down like the first three years. I took an entire summer to decide.


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What Girls Said 1

  • What's your actual question?

    • Oh my, I planned on doing this, I literally forgot to "update" to add the question, since there was a lot of info. I want to know what to do to make it work, if I stopped feeling sorry for myself, depressed, wouldn't compromise, become the person I used to be in college. Can I win her back and make it work?

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    • Thanks for the reply. I think with her feeling so low and bad about herself maybe the attention from people was the best thing she could get. I've been there and would take attention from things I didn't need just to make myself feel better.

    • I hope it works out.

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