I Want to move Out: What's the Best Exit Strategy?

Im not happy with my marriage right now and I have told this to my wife, she thinks we are happily married and that as far as she's concerned there is no problem with our marriage. So I want to move out. What's the best strategy to move out? What are the things I need to do first before moving out and most importantly, do I tell her in advance or do I tell her on my way out the door? Right now I haven't found an alternative place to stay yet, im still looking for a rented apartment - we are not talking to each other, it's all tense and weird in the house and I can't stand it - I want to move out and I don't want any arguments or drama about it. Please advise. thanks.
I spoke to at least two relationship counsellors who have suggested that the best strategy is not to tell her that I want to move out until I've got an alternative place to stay, then tell her and leave immediately to avoid being around her as she begins to deal with the bad news. The idea is to move out and give her the space to deal with this news and not hang around the house afterwards, as this could create an awkward situation full of anger and resentment, and possibly fatal conflicts.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you are certain the only recourse you have left in your marriage is to leave, then do so as respectfully as you can. Sneaking out without telling her you are leaving is cowardly. You can't possibly think If you tell her as you walk out of the door there will not be "arguments and drama".

    Let her know you are leaving and tell her why. If you have a friend or relative you can stay with until you find a place to live I would recommend doing so. Life is already tense in the house and once she knows you are serious about leaving, it is going to get worse.

    Once she knows and you have found a place to go. I'd try making the physical departure at a time when she is not home. But call her to let her know that you have left the home after you have your belongings (and I don't mean everything in the house). About that... be respectful. Do not take furnishings and housewares. Leave the marriage residence intact. Take YOUR belongings. Don't be petty about what you take from the house. You can buy your own towels, dishes, etc.

    There is bound to be a bit of drama no matter what you do. But you can minimize it.

    • This is very helpful and I appreciate your advise and Im taking it very seriously! I do want to avoid drama and shouting matches, that's why I was thinking (as an option!) talking to her on the day I would be leaving (i. e. on my way out) because I am probably more angry and likely to shout and scream at her more than she would shout and scream at me. I don't want to do that, so I felt that talking to her on the day I will be leaving would leave me with limited time to start an angry shouting match between us.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Fucking man up and talk to her. Don't run away like a punk

    • I intend to dickhead! Didn't say I want to run away without saying anything to her!!

    • You said you'd tell her on the way out the door. Those were your words.

    • Yes I said that, but that's not the same as "run away like a punk". If you read my post carefully you will see that I intend to talk to her, it's just a matter of when!

  • File for seperation or divorce. Get all of your valuable items that has sentimental value. There will be drama and bloodshed.


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