How do you let it go and stop stalking? Have you ever caused this upon yourself?

Basically been in a situation where you have been rejected and it turns into obsession,.. so you stalk etc mostly on social media and what you see hurts you, so you are causing yourself pain.
How do you let it go and stop stalking?
Updates:
I don't know why I do this. it only hurts me

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First, you have my deepest sympathies. I got rejected by the girl of my dreams many, many years ago, and I'm still not over her. I know that pain, and I know how much it sucks to see them living out their life without you in it, finding love with someone else. The best thing you can do, I think, is remind yourself that if you really care about them - if you really ever cared about them - you want them to have a happy life. And they can't be happy if you're always lurking in the shadows, potentially disturbing them or causing them distress. And, as you yourself have observed, you're only causing yourself pain. I know how tempting it is, especially with social media. I've ended up avoiding a lot of social media because it pains me to see her face and be reminded of how much I've lost.

    Place your hope in the future, and pray for someone to come and take their place in your heart, if you believe in a greater power. But be the better person, and be compassionate toward them. That will really prove whether your love for them is true or just a selfish desire.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know exactly how you feel, and every emotion that goes behind the stalking and the continuation of it, despite the pain. I personally couldn't let it go for over a year, and it was bad. But then as the stalking progressed and became a regular routine, I learned to realize how I was giving this guy so much power over me. This guy rejected me, therefore he's not worth it, but I'm continuing to give him so much control over me and my emotions! How unfair! It's hard to get in that mindset, I completely understand. Sometimes time is really the only cure, and i'm positive you'll eventually learn to let it go :)

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    • I know right.. i did it for 4 years after a guy i dated really screwed me over and i saw him getting into a new rel and i stalked both of them.. like you said it became a routine.. and im doing the same again with a new guy.. im learning to let go and i havnt stalked him for a week or more now.. but ugh its so hard letting someone who doesn't care about you have a control over you

    • That's such a good start, keep it up! I know it's hard, but I have so much faith that someday you'll even forget that stalking this guy was ever in your routine. Also, realize it's totally okay to snoop around the guy's profile every once in a while. Even though I'm completely over my ex at this point, I still occasionally check his social media stuff, just because and it actually helps me now. It's awesome you're restricting yourself, but know it's also okay to occasionally let yourself stalk!

    • This is a very good way of putting it @pinkyminnie

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • Personally I still think time is best, I still check in on my ex fiance from time to time. i doubt I would date her again even if I had a chance but I care and always hope the best for her. Do I occasionally get myself a little hurt yeah but hey that is life. Honestly I think its just time also make sure you are trying to move forward those two things and you will be fine.

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  • It's been two years since my ex left me for another guy. And when I hear her name, my heart skips a beat and I feel some pain. My point is, depending on the level of relationship you had with your ex, it may take weeks, months or years to forget. In order to let go, you need to occupy yourself and your mind with something truly interesting. And if you really want to get over it, than convince yourself that it's over, and there is no going back, ever.

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  • I find someone else to stalk. I know, it's addictive. Just don't let it get a) known about b) so out of hand that it stops you from interacting with others who might actually like you back. I had to unfollow a girl on Facebook because I would read everything she said. I still have her unfollowed, and I'm great friends iwth her (but not crushing). un-crushing gets easier with time. I set myself bans. When in doubt, p*rn . Fantasizing about a person is harmless, just don't let it consume you.

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  • When you envy others, remember that they also envy people.

    When you believe you don't deserve love, know that's when you need it most.

    If their lives seem perfect, know that they are hiding the difficult moments from social networks.

    I'm guilty of doing the same thing. Envy is the MOST MISERABLE sin I've ever experienced, I know your pain. You get to suffer loneliness while your crush is probably laughing at you or couldn't care less.

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  • clear your internet history and bookmarks on every device you use to connect to the internet. For me it was just habit to go on the same people's tumblr, Facebook and instagram. Had to delete everything.

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  • I took the opposite road, rejection hurts but feeling like a stalker is way worse, so i choose to fight against every urge I have to solicit women. Mainly because I feel I will be rejected outright anyways.

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  • Sometimes it takes days... months... years and worst comes to worst the restriction order can be your wake up call that you need to move on.

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  • Yeah I've done this, even with a mate I had a falling out with not just a girl. Uh others will have better advice, I think I ignored going onto social media, and tried to hardly ever touch my phone, try not to have alcohol (at least make sure you don't have much) as that made me think about it heaps more and made me feel that rejected lonely feeling way more. I think I downloaded a tv series and spent a bit of my time just chilling on the computer watching episodes and a couple of movies for a few days until I thought of it less. But that's because I'm a bit of a loner in a small town with not to many friends to talk to so hopefully there are people with better advice

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  • I don't know. There's a girl that I liked, but she just... no.

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  • I basically just cut myself/limited myself of social media.

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  • maaan that's harsh. Mine cheated on me a year ago and i tried my hardest to try to let go and reached the point where i could laugh at a joke about her but still my heart skips a beat when i hear her name, just hearing it!. All i can say is not to force yourself to NOT think about her, but don't indulge yourself to think about her.

    if you think about her, then let it be.. feed your craving for a min or two "how is she doing?, i wish i could've done that?" then just shake your head and snap out of it. Do something, busy yourself.. find a hobby, better your life. You'll think her less and less without knowing it

    ps, i got back with her. xD

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  • Never done it and even if I did, I wouldn't like to see the results.

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  • Well, I stalked (somewhat) when I had a crush on the girl, but after being hurt (physically and emotionally. And somewhat mentally.) by said girl, my "love" for my "angel" turned into a raging hatred against the "she-demon". I literally had dreams of me burning her house down because she burned my hand. ... I never did though. I wouldn't even if I could.

    But in your case, I'd say that you just need to get the person off your mind. Do other things that occupy your time. If he's not into you, accept that and move on.

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  • I'm sorry your feeling this way. I'm kinda going through the same thing I don't stalk, infact I do everything right and give space and stay away when they want but I can't help but feel obsessed about why they left and if they still care.

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  • Stop caring, your feelings are worth shit if the person has no feelings for you. Merry Christmas

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What Girls Said 31

  • yes, and I understand how hurtful it can be to see your ex was someone else would having fun when you are so miserable! Don't stock him on social media-it will only hurt you and if he finds out about it it could chase them off even further. Letting it go isn't easy at all-but find ways to improve yourself or take up something that's very interesting to you-volunteer, go exercise even if it's a quick walk at 15 minutes the endorphins will get you going-possibly even going to therapy to work on ways to prevent yourself from stalking him online. Like you we all hate to be rejected and from personal experience I can tell you that even going to their website or social media page like Facebook is only going to cause the obsession to continue. Stay off social media even if it means that you have to tell your friends to text you or contact you another way. Hang out with your friends and stay away from mutual friends for now because you probably would be tempted to ask how he was and if they see you miserable they're going to go ahead and tell him that-you can count on it. I know it's hard-believe me even at my age it is hard to turn off Facebook when I have to but it gets easier each time. I guess I'm also learning that when I'm rejected it's not necessarily me-and it may just not have been a good match or the person may just be a loser! Take up a course or do something that will expose you to other men or boys depending on your age with the same kind of interests as you. You may find that your ex or whoever you rejected you isn't as kick ass as he seemed.

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  • Honestly if you knew what I know you'd stop! The guy you have put on a pedastal will not be thinking about you at all. He's not secretly pining away afraid to ask to have you back. It's a nice thought though I'll give you that. I'm all honesty he is over you and the 'relationship' and is looking forward to flavour number? Guys never look back. It's always forward for them. Block him on everything you can and move on. He already has

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  • Honestly the only way to get over it, is to get closer. If you don't, you won't know why he/she
    (male perspective) did it. I would say, block them on all social media, delete the persons number, etc.
    I know this is difficult, but in the end it will only help you in the end, and help you move on.

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  • :( my never ending for Matt Skiba...

    I met him at The Observatory a few years ago, and he hugged me OKOKOK, and he was sooo sweet.

    then he got married. :-(

    then he got divorced.

    then he's a bitter asshole.

    and remains an asshole.

    and i remain a stupid fan ;;--(((

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  • Force yourself to read an entire chapter of the Bible (or a textbook) before you can get on social media to track them... you will given them up in no time at all.

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  • Actually I had slightly been stalkrish. I had just deleted any information regarding to him and doing things the honest way by communicating with him by phone or most importantly face-to-face.
    If there is no hope of ever getting back just focus on things that will take your mind off from him.

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  • Lol I was going through the samething. my boyfriend dumped me. I would go through his Instagram see him all lovey dove with my best friend (I moved away that's why he dumped me) it hurt me as hell. I guess what helped me stop was this amazing guy I met. I faced the truth he's gone nothing I can do. find your self a new guy. if that guy rejected you he doesn't deserve you

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  • I was going through the same thing. I talk to my brother who helped me realize that the guy was a tool. And I found out I dont miss the person, I miss the memories.

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  • Find another man. I kno how you feel because I have just got out of a situation like this, I just did everything to not stalk him and keep preoccupied to forget all about him, and I know that sometimes you will have the urge to check but the you will get back into olds habits. People move on and things happen but all you need to think is that he is not worth your time and you need to get out there and show the world who you are.

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  • speaking from experience realize ure a crazy bitch and he's not worth ure time if ure not together ure not together for a reason u can still care about him but go out have fun u have way to much time on ure hands if u have time to stalk him

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  • Totally know how that feels. I've felt like that more than once, when after a break-up you can't help but almost obsessively check their Facebook pages, as well as those of any people they talk to a lot to almost keep tabs on how and what they're doing after all is said and done.

    To get out of that, I found the best thing to do is to just completely disconnect from them. That means, when you're officially over, unfriend & block them. This will prevent you from getting any updates on them even if your friend tags them in a post or photo. It'll take some willpower though to just not look them up or any people you know they're frequently in touch with. That will become much easier when you stop getting status & photo updates from the person in question though.

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  • Unfriend him and block him so you can't even see what he posted on other people's walls.

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  • Block them on everything sweetie, I've been there to some degree. It's not healthy and all you can really do is remember there's more out there. Try dating a bit and see what's out there.

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  • learn to love yourself and when you realize someone is not into you or doesn't love you the way they should. you're able to realize that you are worth a lot and it easy to walk away. if you don't love yourself no one will. I went though a though breakup and i had to leaner to love myself first to be able to stop stalking and obsessing. go shopping, bicycling, walks to the park, vacation, do all the things you like but do them alone. Its super hard but I swear it is so rewarding and you'll get to meet and fall in love with the most beautiful, loyal, funny and interesting person you'll ever meet and that is YOURSELF!!!

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  • Get a new hobby, take some classes, tell yourself you deserve better.

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  • Yes and you just have to take it one day at a time.

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  • Omg yess i used to have a huge crush on this guy finally got the courage to talk to him and he rejected me ( well he just never texted me back) but after that i stalked his Twitter vine etc it came to the point where on his Twitter if he was retweeting girls i would get jealous and see if the girls were even pretty ( ikr crazy)
    The moment i finally stopped was when i realized that there's tons of guys in this world and i shouldn't obsess over some jerk.
    But it took time
    Dont be hard on yourself there will be times where u just want to check social media but as you go check it less often then soon u won't care to check it at all. hope it helped

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  • We've all been there.

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  • Find someone super hot and have sex with rhrm

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  • Just control yourself and get a life

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