How do you let it go and stop stalking? Have you ever caused this upon yourself?

Basically been in a situation where you have been rejected and it turns into obsession,.. so you stalk etc mostly on social media and what you see hurts you, so you are causing yourself pain.
How do you let it go and stop stalking?

Updates:
I don't know why I do this. it only hurts me

2|0
3216

Most Helpful Girl

  • The best thing you could ever do is cut off all contact. When I was 15 I was rejected by my best guy friend and he ended up stopping talking to me and moving away. Through MySpace and Facebook I would keep an eye on him and occasionally talked to him and every time we talked or talked about hanging out and seeing each other I always had this hope he'd realize that I truly loved him and wanted to be with him but it never happened and it would just make me sad and depressed. This went on for 10 years in which I didn't date anyone because I felt guilty thinking still he'd wanna be with me and then I'm with another guy. I finally cut off contact, no texting him, no looking at his profile or anything. It's kinda weird because I got to where I started seeing the guy I'm with now and after a few months of things going well I saw the guy who rejected me walking down the street. I know he didn't hear me but it was what I needed to finally get closure from him. I went past once and realized it was him so I went and did my business and went back down that road and decided if he was there I wS gonna say everything I've always wanted to to him and then I was done. Sure enough he was sti walking down the road and I flipped him off and said some things to him, he never heard but I feel like it helped me to get past him. As crazy as that sounds to do I would rather have done what I did and got my peace then to just walk up to him and go off on him how he broke me and I waited years and years for him.

    0|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • First, you have my deepest sympathies. I got rejected by the girl of my dreams many, many years ago, and I'm still not over her. I know that pain, and I know how much it sucks to see them living out their life without you in it, finding love with someone else. The best thing you can do, I think, is remind yourself that if you really care about them - if you really ever cared about them - you want them to have a happy life. And they can't be happy if you're always lurking in the shadows, potentially disturbing them or causing them distress. And, as you yourself have observed, you're only causing yourself pain. I know how tempting it is, especially with social media. I've ended up avoiding a lot of social media because it pains me to see her face and be reminded of how much I've lost.

    Place your hope in the future, and pray for someone to come and take their place in your heart, if you believe in a greater power. But be the better person, and be compassionate toward them. That will really prove whether your love for them is true or just a selfish desire.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Personally I still think time is best, I still check in on my ex fiance from time to time. i doubt I would date her again even if I had a chance but I care and always hope the best for her. Do I occasionally get myself a little hurt yeah but hey that is life. Honestly I think its just time also make sure you are trying to move forward those two things and you will be fine.

    1|0
    0|1
  • It's been two years since my ex left me for another guy. And when I hear her name, my heart skips a beat and I feel some pain. My point is, depending on the level of relationship you had with your ex, it may take weeks, months or years to forget. In order to let go, you need to occupy yourself and your mind with something truly interesting. And if you really want to get over it, than convince yourself that it's over, and there is no going back, ever.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yeah I've done this, even with a mate I had a falling out with not just a girl. Uh others will have better advice, I think I ignored going onto social media, and tried to hardly ever touch my phone, try not to have alcohol (at least make sure you don't have much) as that made me think about it heaps more and made me feel that rejected lonely feeling way more. I think I downloaded a tv series and spent a bit of my time just chilling on the computer watching episodes and a couple of movies for a few days until I thought of it less. But that's because I'm a bit of a loner in a small town with not to many friends to talk to so hopefully there are people with better advice

    0|0
    0|0
  • maaan that's harsh. Mine cheated on me a year ago and i tried my hardest to try to let go and reached the point where i could laugh at a joke about her but still my heart skips a beat when i hear her name, just hearing it!. All i can say is not to force yourself to NOT think about her, but don't indulge yourself to think about her.

    if you think about her, then let it be.. feed your craving for a min or two "how is she doing?, i wish i could've done that?" then just shake your head and snap out of it. Do something, busy yourself.. find a hobby, better your life. You'll think her less and less without knowing it

    ps, i got back with her. xD

    0|0
    0|0
  • I find someone else to stalk. I know, it's addictive. Just don't let it get a) known about b) so out of hand that it stops you from interacting with others who might actually like you back. I had to unfollow a girl on Facebook because I would read everything she said. I still have her unfollowed, and I'm great friends iwth her (but not crushing). un-crushing gets easier with time. I set myself bans. When in doubt, p*rn . Fantasizing about a person is harmless, just don't let it consume you.

    0|0
    1|1
  • When you envy others, remember that they also envy people.

    When you believe you don't deserve love, know that's when you need it most.

    If their lives seem perfect, know that they are hiding the difficult moments from social networks.

    I'm guilty of doing the same thing. Envy is the MOST MISERABLE sin I've ever experienced, I know your pain. You get to suffer loneliness while your crush is probably laughing at you or couldn't care less.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Sometimes it takes days... months... years and worst comes to worst the restriction order can be your wake up call that you need to move on.

    1|0
    0|0
  • clear your internet history and bookmarks on every device you use to connect to the internet. For me it was just habit to go on the same people's tumblr, Facebook and instagram. Had to delete everything.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I took the opposite road, rejection hurts but feeling like a stalker is way worse, so i choose to fight against every urge I have to solicit women. Mainly because I feel I will be rejected outright anyways.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't know. There's a girl that I liked, but she just... no.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I basically just cut myself/limited myself of social media.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Never done it and even if I did, I wouldn't like to see the results.

    0|0
    0|1
  • Well, I stalked (somewhat) when I had a crush on the girl, but after being hurt (physically and emotionally. And somewhat mentally.) by said girl, my "love" for my "angel" turned into a raging hatred against the "she-demon". I literally had dreams of me burning her house down because she burned my hand. ... I never did though. I wouldn't even if I could.

    But in your case, I'd say that you just need to get the person off your mind. Do other things that occupy your time. If he's not into you, accept that and move on.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'm sorry your feeling this way. I'm kinda going through the same thing I don't stalk, infact I do everything right and give space and stay away when they want but I can't help but feel obsessed about why they left and if they still care.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Stop caring, your feelings are worth shit if the person has no feelings for you. Merry Christmas

    3|2
    2|0

What Girls Said 31

  • yes, and I understand how hurtful it can be to see your ex was someone else would having fun when you are so miserable! Don't stock him on social media-it will only hurt you and if he finds out about it it could chase them off even further. Letting it go isn't easy at all-but find ways to improve yourself or take up something that's very interesting to you-volunteer, go exercise even if it's a quick walk at 15 minutes the endorphins will get you going-possibly even going to therapy to work on ways to prevent yourself from stalking him online. Like you we all hate to be rejected and from personal experience I can tell you that even going to their website or social media page like Facebook is only going to cause the obsession to continue. Stay off social media even if it means that you have to tell your friends to text you or contact you another way. Hang out with your friends and stay away from mutual friends for now because you probably would be tempted to ask how he was and if they see you miserable they're going to go ahead and tell him that-you can count on it. I know it's hard-believe me even at my age it is hard to turn off Facebook when I have to but it gets easier each time. I guess I'm also learning that when I'm rejected it's not necessarily me-and it may just not have been a good match or the person may just be a loser! Take up a course or do something that will expose you to other men or boys depending on your age with the same kind of interests as you. You may find that your ex or whoever you rejected you isn't as kick ass as he seemed.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Totally know how that feels. I've felt like that more than once, when after a break-up you can't help but almost obsessively check their Facebook pages, as well as those of any people they talk to a lot to almost keep tabs on how and what they're doing after all is said and done.

    To get out of that, I found the best thing to do is to just completely disconnect from them. That means, when you're officially over, unfriend & block them. This will prevent you from getting any updates on them even if your friend tags them in a post or photo. It'll take some willpower though to just not look them up or any people you know they're frequently in touch with. That will become much easier when you stop getting status & photo updates from the person in question though.

    1|0
    0|0
  • learn to love yourself and when you realize someone is not into you or doesn't love you the way they should. you're able to realize that you are worth a lot and it easy to walk away. if you don't love yourself no one will. I went though a though breakup and i had to leaner to love myself first to be able to stop stalking and obsessing. go shopping, bicycling, walks to the park, vacation, do all the things you like but do them alone. Its super hard but I swear it is so rewarding and you'll get to meet and fall in love with the most beautiful, loyal, funny and interesting person you'll ever meet and that is YOURSELF!!!

    1|0
    0|0
  • I know exactly how you feel, and every emotion that goes behind the stalking and the continuation of it, despite the pain. I personally couldn't let it go for over a year, and it was bad. But then as the stalking progressed and became a regular routine, I learned to realize how I was giving this guy so much power over me. This guy rejected me, therefore he's not worth it, but I'm continuing to give him so much control over me and my emotions! How unfair! It's hard to get in that mindset, I completely understand. Sometimes time is really the only cure, and i'm positive you'll eventually learn to let it go :)

    3|2
    0|0
    • I know right.. i did it for 4 years after a guy i dated really screwed me over and i saw him getting into a new rel and i stalked both of them.. like you said it became a routine.. and im doing the same again with a new guy.. im learning to let go and i havnt stalked him for a week or more now.. but ugh its so hard letting someone who doesn't care about you have a control over you

    • That's such a good start, keep it up! I know it's hard, but I have so much faith that someday you'll even forget that stalking this guy was ever in your routine. Also, realize it's totally okay to snoop around the guy's profile every once in a while. Even though I'm completely over my ex at this point, I still occasionally check his social media stuff, just because and it actually helps me now. It's awesome you're restricting yourself, but know it's also okay to occasionally let yourself stalk!

    • This is a very good way of putting it @pinkyminnie

  • Force yourself to read an entire chapter of the Bible (or a textbook) before you can get on social media to track them... you will given them up in no time at all.

    3|0
    0|0
  • Unfriend him and block him so you can't even see what he posted on other people's walls.

    2|0
    0|0
  • :( my never ending for Matt Skiba...

    I met him at The Observatory a few years ago, and he hugged me OKOKOK, and he was sooo sweet.

    then he got married. :-(

    then he got divorced.

    then he's a bitter asshole.

    and remains an asshole.

    and i remain a stupid fan ;;--(((

    0|0
    0|0
  • Omg yess i used to have a huge crush on this guy finally got the courage to talk to him and he rejected me ( well he just never texted me back) but after that i stalked his Twitter vine etc it came to the point where on his Twitter if he was retweeting girls i would get jealous and see if the girls were even pretty ( ikr crazy)
    The moment i finally stopped was when i realized that there's tons of guys in this world and i shouldn't obsess over some jerk.
    But it took time
    Dont be hard on yourself there will be times where u just want to check social media but as you go check it less often then soon u won't care to check it at all. hope it helped

    1|0
    0|0
  • Honestly the only way to get over it, is to get closer. If you don't, you won't know why he/she
    (male perspective) did it. I would say, block them on all social media, delete the persons number, etc.
    I know this is difficult, but in the end it will only help you in the end, and help you move on.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Actually I had slightly been stalkrish. I had just deleted any information regarding to him and doing things the honest way by communicating with him by phone or most importantly face-to-face.
    If there is no hope of ever getting back just focus on things that will take your mind off from him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Lol I was going through the samething. my boyfriend dumped me. I would go through his Instagram see him all lovey dove with my best friend (I moved away that's why he dumped me) it hurt me as hell. I guess what helped me stop was this amazing guy I met. I faced the truth he's gone nothing I can do. find your self a new guy. if that guy rejected you he doesn't deserve you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get a new hobby, take some classes, tell yourself you deserve better.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I was going through the same thing. I talk to my brother who helped me realize that the guy was a tool. And I found out I dont miss the person, I miss the memories.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Honestly if you knew what I know you'd stop! The guy you have put on a pedastal will not be thinking about you at all. He's not secretly pining away afraid to ask to have you back. It's a nice thought though I'll give you that. I'm all honesty he is over you and the 'relationship' and is looking forward to flavour number? Guys never look back. It's always forward for them. Block him on everything you can and move on. He already has

    2|0
    0|0
  • Find another man. I kno how you feel because I have just got out of a situation like this, I just did everything to not stalk him and keep preoccupied to forget all about him, and I know that sometimes you will have the urge to check but the you will get back into olds habits. People move on and things happen but all you need to think is that he is not worth your time and you need to get out there and show the world who you are.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes and you just have to take it one day at a time.

    1|0
    0|0
  • We've all been there.

    1|0
    0|0
  • speaking from experience realize ure a crazy bitch and he's not worth ure time if ure not together ure not together for a reason u can still care about him but go out have fun u have way to much time on ure hands if u have time to stalk him

    1|0
    0|0
  • Block them on everything sweetie, I've been there to some degree. It's not healthy and all you can really do is remember there's more out there. Try dating a bit and see what's out there.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Find someone super hot and have sex with rhrm

    0|0
    0|1
  • Just control yourself and get a life

    0|0
    0|0
  • Even I used to do this and then I forced myself not to stalk for a while and then I started to do it now but it doesn't hurt me because im over him lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah I did this too... But you've just gotta say fuck them- you're a badass bitch and they fucked up by not dating your fabulous ass! Aaaaaand force yourself to crush on someone else

    2|0
    0|0
  • It wasn't the consequences that almost ruined the experience, it was the feeling of throwing time/energy/money down the drain that could be invested in happiness & a replacement that finally weaned me... and it was then my plans began to flower. I now have THE best lover EVER and the ex looks like hell... when I have to see that face that others share on Facebook (I blocked him)

    1|0
    0|0
  • i feel you girl i was crushing on a guy for years and years but then one day he said that he got a crush on a girl and i was like :'( but when i figured out that i am ready to do anything for him and he just loved another girl i just let it go by time so time is the best cure the feelings will basically die keep on stalking his page and see how he love another girl or something so that the feelings will fade

    1|0
    0|0
  • Just do something useful, don't spend your time doing something that is not productive. Remind yourself of who you are! What are your core beliefs, your goal in life. And focus only on achieving it. Does your action plan for achieving your it include checking what he does several times a day?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Wow thanks for posting this question , I am honestly in the exact 100% same situation this whole question describes what im going through , and honestly I can't answer because even though i know i shouldn't be stalking because if you look for something your going to find it , I continue to do it anyways :(

    0|1
    0|0
  • Oh god I went through this.. I was obsessed with this guy for 3 years and would constantly check his Facebook and get hurt when girls posted on his walls or he had pics with other girls I would literally start balling my eyes out. The final draw came when he moved from my city to another university and I had a major break down and then realized i was being fucking stupid and crazy... we hadn't talked in years and he had hurt my feelings prior to that. I was holding on to a non-existent memory of him and couldn't let go.

    I promised myself I would never stalk him on social media again and haven't so far and have been soo much happier. He was the reason I was depressed for 2 years and now that he is gone I am so much happier.

    3|0
    0|0
  • First off, delete all the fu**ers you stalk (if its hurting you so much) and move on :)

    2|0
    0|0
    • You are so right. Im only causing pain to myself on purpouse

  • I know it sucks :( what I do since I don't like to make permanent decisions, I take their number, address, and i write down everything I know about them on a piece of paper, write a letter of stuff I want to say, and gather all things that accumulated from our relationship, print all pictures of us and of them from my phone, then I put it all in an envelope or box, tape it shut and label it under your name so no one opens it and I put it in the attic/basement. Out of sight-Out of mind. Then I delete EVERYTHING. Pictures and contact info on phone, all messages sent (phone, email, etc), delete them off Facebook/tumblr/snapchat/ EVERYTHING. And to keep your mind off of him/her join one or two dating sites, find other interests and focus on them :) It really does help.

    3|0
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    1
Loading... ;