Don't know whether to break up with my bf and falling in love with someone who doesn't want a relationship. I need advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, 1 of which has been long distance, In the past year we have been falling apart and I can't handle it anymore. I love him so much but our relationship is going nowhere, even though we both want to settle down together, because it will be at least 2 years more long distance and we have SO many problems because of it. We aren't the same anymore and I am completely conflicted with whether or not I should end it.

To make matters more complicated I have started falling in love with another man who I just connect with on so many levels. He has just got out of a long term relationship and has hinted that he cares for me but says he doesn't want another relationship now. We have been meeting up and I'm literally falling head over heels for him when I wasn't supposed to. I would end my current relationship to be with him in a heartbeat, or at least if I knew he would consider a relationship with me in the future as, to be honest, I am perfectly happy with just hanging out with him and being in his company.

This other man is confusing me as he has told me things (albeit when drunk) that make me think he properly likes me and he is affectionate when sober but sometimes I get the feeling he is trying to end whatever is going on. For the past few weeks he has wanted to come round to my house to spend time with me and said he turned down other offers in favour of me but he has turned my offer down twice now. I'm fretting so much that he is getting back with his ex or he has decided not to see me anymore... i really do care about him but because I'm selfish and afraid of being alone I don't want to break up with my boyfriend for the possibility that the other man will be with me in case I lose both.

My head is all over the place and I need to decide what to do about my boyfriend. I can't do this to him anymore. The problem is that I won't know what the other man feels before I decide, if I ever find out what he feels. :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Possible he may get back with his ex. Look I got in a rebound relationship thinking she would be over her ex almost a year of dating she left for her ex. So it's a matter of time he will most likely go back. He needs to fully heal before he gets in another serious relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are right when you say that you are selfish. You keep your boyfriend around as a back-up plan in case the other guy won't be interested in you. Do you think it's fair to treat someone like this? How would you feel if your boyfriend also had a girl he is trying to pursue and only keeps you around as his fallback option.

    Whether things work out with this new guy or not, please have the decency to end things with your boyfriend (and I mean now, not once you're sure you have another guy to run to).

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Work things out with ur bf who loves you. Long distance can be difficult but not impossible. Skype, schedule meetings in person, whatsapp. Communication is key. Take a risk and start communicating more. Long distance is really about over sharing and discussing ur worries ur feelings. Asking about how the other is feeling too. U can't really be shy in long distances.

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  • YOU ARE A CHEATER! I don't care if it hasn't gotten physical you have feelings for this guy, you told him you like him, and you keep seeing him. The fact that you said you'd dump your bf if you knew you had a backup bf speaks volumes to your character. You can't possibly love him if you're willing to do that. Break up with your bf he doesn't deserve to have his gf fawning over another guy ready to do him the first opportunity she gets. How would you feel if your bf was doing this behind your back? You'd be on here complaining about what an ass he was. I hope this new guy is just using you, you deserve it.

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  • I think you should break up with your boyfriend, not for the other dude but because he makes you unhappy. The other guy is giving you mixed signals which means you don't mean as much to him as he means to you. That's not to say you have no chance with him but if he was head over heels the way you are, there would be one signal from him.
    I know It's scary to think you may be single for a while, but you need to sort things out in yourself. If can acknowledge you're being selfish and you're scared there's a problem that you need to overcome for you and ONLY you.
    You spent a good portion of your life not knowing either of these guys. With or without them, you can be happy but it's up to you. :-)

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