I'm conflicted about breaking up with my guy. Help please?

So my guy and I have dated for about 6 months. There are a couple things I'm not happy with in the relationship. He won't label us as boyfriend girlfriend. He says we're basically bf gf because we're exclusive. He still lives at home and always has to get his parents okay to do pretty much anything. I'm not expecting him to get his own place but I think he's satisfied just living at home. We only see each other once a week because he works two jobs.

He has talked to other women he met off a dating site. It's innocent but still. I don't like that he talks to them. It just seems like there is a bunch of red flags. When I've tried ending it, he'll beg me for hours to stay with him. I have feelings for him but I feel like it's dying for me because we're stuck in this state of limbo. I didn't want to break up with him over the holidays so he's not depressed but I know he bought me gifts so I plan on giving them back. Should I break up with him? I do have feelings for him but I'm tired of the way things are.

  • Yes, dump him now.
    Vote A
  • Dump him but after New Years.
    Vote B
  • Stay with him and give him a chance to make it better.
    Vote C
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37

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think the living with parents is an issue but...

    I think the not wanting to label a relationship after 6 months is an obvious red flag that he is hesitant to commit. so why is he hesitant to commit? well either it's commitment issues or he's not totally vested in the relationship

    And being on a dating site while you are "exclusive" with someone should be an absolute non-starter. there is nothing innocent about talking to girls on dating sites while dating someone else. it means he's still exploring his options. It means that he is exclusive unless something better comes along which isn't in fact exclusive at all

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    • so I think you need to dray a line in the sand. tell him after six months you want and are entitled to more than just a casual exclusive relationship. I'd also tell him that being on dating sites is completely unacceptable.

      if you want a committed relationship or a label you are certainly entitled to it and if he won't provide those things then you may need to move on

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    • you're right his ex may be a cause for his behavior but regardless you don't have to and shouldn't have to tolerate it if you don't want to. if he is not prepared to commit to a relationship because of his past then he needs to remain single rather than potentially hurt others

    • I agree. He should of let me move on also if he wasn't ready.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Well, I'd recommend you to break up. However, if he begs you to stay with him, I recommend you to talk to him, tell just everything you don't like and have a serious conversation about changes. Make it clear that you'll break up if it doesn't get better. Make him face the situation. If it doesn't work, then break up, it's not going anywhere.

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    • So I should break it off as soon as possible? Thanks for taking the time to answer. I don't want to hurt him but I'm not entirely happy.

    • You should talk first. Give him a chance of showing he wants to change. If nothing happens, break up. At least you gave him a chance and he can't complain he wasn't warned if a break up happens. I think it's fair.

  • It's better you express these things with him and make things clearer for him, do not go by anyoe's advice on breaking, it's should be your decision... if you like him then it's better to give him sometime after explaining him your concerns, after that also if he still behaves the same then it's your call...
    but, talk to him and cleat off all the assumptions.. which is very important.

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  • Maybe you can answer this question, "how is talking to other women he met off of a dating site 'innocent'?"

    Normally I'd say "give him one last chance" as @solitairebond said. This time it appears different for some reason.

    Do a "clean cut."

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    • Innocent in the sense that it's very light conversation. Asking how each other's day is, what is new etc.

  • I once had a girlfriend that would talk to her exes, about sexual things and it bugged me to end, but I still dated her, eventually she broke up with me, and mere hours after she did it, she was already trying to initiate sex with some one else

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  • What the hell are u waiting for? Break up with thus guy!

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  • Why is he living with his parents? Is that necessarily a bad thing? For example, are they letting him pay less rent so he can put money into paying down student loans?

    Did you want him to live with you? Is that the problem?

    Does a guy have to put label on a relationship? Aren't you being a bit insecure? And seeing you "only" once a week because he has two jobs. Aren't you being a bit needy?

    I see only two real problems: that's he's looking at dating sites (but it sounds like that isn't actually a problem for you, and I assume you've spoken to him about it? Asked him to stop yet?). The other of him begging you to stay--he should have a little more self-respect and not beg. If a woman wants to go, let her walk.

    If you want to break up, go ahead. But if this is your list of reasons, it's kind of weak.

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    • He's been out of college for a while. I know he wants to get placed as a firefighter before he moves, it's just he's so content with no privacy, having to tiptoe around his parents, etc. I'm not accustomed to that. They treat him poorly even though he does a lot for him which I don't like either. I don't want him to live with me. But I want him to start thinking about getting his own place.

      I don't "need" a title. But after 6 months it would be nice if he didn't introduce me as his "friend" especially if he doesn't want me talking to other men. You could say I'm needy because I dislike seeing him only once a week. Perhaps it is because we don't have a lot of privacy because his parents are always around. He also isn't on dating sites. Just talking to females he met off there before me.

    • Well I'm not going to tell you what to do. I figured most people would just tell you to break up with him, since that's easy to say. Thought I'd offer a contrary view just to challenge you a bit more than the "break up" advice.

      You have to decide what you're okay with and what you aren't. Maybe try talking to him one more time after the holidays, and if things don't change, maybe then move on.

What Girls Said 3

  • Have you really, really tried talking to him... Telling him about your fears and objectives.

    I'd say give the guy ONE LAST CHANCE to improve his ways, if then there is no improvement, then sadly it will have to be the parting of the ways.

    Good Luck.

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    • I feel bad about doing this around the holidays. I feel like I should just put it aside until after new years but I'll try. I've spoken with him before when I tried ending it before. He started getting better on the affection part but still not enough. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

  • If you are not happy you have your answer right there dont continue to let this go on and this is not what you want also if he isn't labeling you as a girlfriend then I think that is kind of odd move on you can do better

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    • Yeah I guess. I feel like I really have tried and given all of myself. Just don't want to hurt him either. Thanks for responding!

  • Dump him
    He's still playing the field.

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