Do you think it's wrong to reach out to an EX and explain how hurt they've made you?

I used to be this sweet innocent girl. I waa very quiet, shy, not outgoing at all. I finally got a boyfriend and he became my first everything; love, kiss, sex partner... You name it, he was the first person I've shared it with. After 3 months in, he would go out of town, not call me for days then act like nothing ever happened. He would get mad at me over stupid things and he used to cheat. Anytime I would say it's over he would beg for my forgiveness and of course I would forgive him.. I loved him. Anyways, he cheated and I lost all trust. We tried it once again. Not too long after his EX claimed to be talking to him again but you can tell it was more than friendship. I gave up and moved on.
Through it all, I became really evil, angry, and a cold-hearted person. I knew and know he had changed me and I had to try to change myself back from being a mean person. I wish I can go back to the way I was before him but I can't. Im finally able to move on but im still angry. I want to reach out to my EX and try to let go of some of this anger because most of it came from him. Is it a good idea to talk to him about how hurt I am from him or should I just find other ways to move on?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have been where you are now. I also wanted to tell these guys how much their hurt me, and yes, in some cases I fantasized about revenge (never done that though). More than once I ended up telling these guys how much they hurt me. I always thought I'd feel so much better once I got those things off my chest. But you know what? I didn't. In some cases, I actually felt worse because it was sort of like "I gave them the satisfaction".

    You can be the person you were before him. In fact, you already are. You never stopped being that person. It is natural to be angry, to be disillusioned, to be hurt. This will all pass. It takes time. There's not much you can do. You just have to wait. One day you will realise this guy was just a little bump in the road and you will look back and laugh at what an asshole he is/was. Trust me that you haven't lost the person you were.

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    • Wow, I never want to give him the satisfaction. I feel like throughout the whole relationship, I gave him that. He knew how much I cared and loved him but still he didn't show me respect. He would do things knowimg how he was stressing me. I cried almost everyday and he knew it. Ugh, it's sad but I hope karma stabs his heart and then I hope he realizes that's how he did me.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • Success is the best revenge! You are completely wasting your time. Forget him and move on. Continuing to stew over this is only further fuelling your need for some closure that I seriously doubt you will get. I don't think he will sit down and sincerely say sorry to you or anything else to make your feelings go away. The longer you dwell on him the more angry you will become. I am sorry your first real boyfriend did not work out. But trust me, there are lots of good guys out there. I think you should re-channel your energy into finding someone who will totally adore you. Right now, you might miss Mr. Right totally because of your negative focus on your ex.

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  • You can try, but is he really going to listen? Or care given what kind of guy he seems to be.

    If he doesn't listen to you or care to listen to you, is it going to set you back? That is the real question i would ask yourself.

    Most importantly I am sorry this happened... It will get better one day. Best wishes...

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    • Thats the same question I ask myself... because it's true, even if I talk, is he really going to care to listen? If he doesn't care, it may just hurt me even more... I dont know. This is tough.

    • I would leave it alone. Really, for as much as it may feel good, it may also just hurt very badly. And i have a feeling that the likelihood you are going to feel better vs worse is pretty small.

    • And Im starting to believe that as well... Thanks! :)

  • I think you may feel worst bc he's kind of careless and bad person you may be super angry but he act super cold and say I didn't do anything I'm good person you're the bad that may happen too. But if you just want to say what you want and dont want specific answer then no pro but I still dont recommend to do this bc he sounds careless and he won't even listen or he may laugh

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  • It's not wrong, just pointless.

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  • it's a good idea that you speak to him about it. if he's a good guy then at least he would respect the feelings of his next gf and not hurt like the way he did to you..
    or may be he understands you properly and learn a lesson from it...

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    • Is it crazy to say that I think he has a good heart but I dont think he is a good person? I would like to think everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wonder why God brought him and I in each other's path. We are completely different in so many ways. Even our family and friends asked why we were together.

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    • I promise to take that advice!!

    • great... thanks

What Girls Said 2

  • Girl please we've all been hurt. Hell the first guy to ever reject me was my own father. Did I let that affect my view on EVERY man I got involved with? No. Plenty of my exes broke my heart but did I let that affect my view of men as a whole? No.

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    • Well, from your comment you sound like u have been hurt and its pouring out. This is exactly why I dont want to leave all this anger in. I never said anything about every man. I simply said I have anger issues bottled up with him and I dont know how to release it. I dont want to walk around this world upset... he's my issue and before I get into another relationship I wanna make sure I have nothing holding me back. Anger, trust and all.. I dont want to hate my EX but at the moment I do.

    • Exactly. I've come to fave my pain. Not wallow in it like you are. Let go of the past and look towards a more positive future (dating wise). The sad thing about it is your ex more likely than not has already moved on and probably barely thinks about the relationship you two had. While you're still stuck in the past. Face your pain understand that you were utterly crushed by what he did. Then have the strength to let it go and really move forward.

    • Dang, the sad part is that it's probably completely true. Im thinking of him and he's happy with whatever. It kinda hurts.

  • Let it out, it'll help you move on. But you shouldn't expect any positive outcomes simply because your ex doesn't seem like a nice person to begin with, and he may not even care. Nevertheless, do it for yourself, I think it's very helpful to put your feelings into words.

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