Should I spend a great deal of money to visit my ex?

For all intents and purposes I will mention that I dated this guy for a brief six months while we were both travelling and now we're both back at home for work. We decided that it's impractical to be doing long distance relationship (more of his idea - at one point I became willing to do the LDR) and so we broke it off, but still kept in touch. It's about two months now since we "broke up".

I live in Asia and he lives in Africa, and both of us are starting our own new jobs. I am considering visiting him in October 2015 (his 27th birthday) - but also quite concerned as the flights will cost a bomb where I need to fork out a pretty substantial sum.

Welcoming all opinions and have a happy new year everyone!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A few years back I met a girl while traveling and we dated for six months (ldr at that time). I went back to see her and we got her a visa to come see my home, meet my family etc. While she was here we got engaged and then our relationship went bad. Culture differences started tearing us apart and we had a harder time communicating. Finally we postponed the wedding she went back to her country and we tried to work it out. I went to specialists for relationship advice. I applied their advice to no avail. We finally broke everything off.

    I learned a lot about relationships that have made me a better spouse today. But, I wouldn't advise learning the hard way like I did. If you feel that he is deeply compatible with you then take a chance but make sure you understand what culture differences there are and see if you two compliment each other in those differences.

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    • Thanks for sharing your experience. That must've been really tough on you.

      Yeah, it does feel very confusing. The good thing is, we're both thinkers and the bad thing is, we're both thinkers. It becomes confusing when you find each other so compatible yet you're not together. :/ I've had my times mourning the fact that I lost him, I'm very much calmer by now, but I wouldn't lie - I'm really just not over him. We're just in contact as friends now, and I'm really thankful our bridges aren't all burnt.

      It's just this part of me still yearning for him..

    • I'm a believer in not burning bridges. There are a few scenarios where it is necessary. You have 10 months to discover where your relationship is going. Perhaps waiting to make the flight plans and putting a little more time into the relationship will help you determine what you should do.

      I didn't share how things turned out following the breakup of my LDR. I spent the next 3 years dating and courting many different girls. Finally, I found a girl that I couldn't live with out; she lit up my days brighter than all the other girls combined and had I not walked away from all the other relationships, I would have never found the girl of my dreams.

      I'm excited for you to discover the man or your dreams who lights up your life brighter than the combination of all the other men you've ever known!

    • Thanks! Whether or not it's him, doesn't really hurt waiting a little to see if it works - and doesn't harm keeping a friend :) And glad that you met the girl of your life, that's definitely a happy ending :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I've benn in a long distance realtionship for almost a year and its been like torture to me.. From what i read i dont honestly see why would travell to meet him and pay a big amount of money? We guys dated when u had the chance too but now what? Both of you have ur own lifes and work and it doesn't look like you can be living together and a LDR is something you dont wanna get into trust me.. So in my opinion i would save the money and go buy something else instead ;) and one more thing u said yiu broke how can u even go visit him when ur not even toegther anymore?

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