Was it cheating? Do you think our relationship will make it?

Okay. So it's New Years Eve, my boyfriend that I'm honestly in love with (though we haven't said those words yet) that I've been dating for about 3 or 4 months lives in new hampshire and I'm home in maryland on break. I was at a party at a friends house. And I got pretty wasted.

A guy friend of mine walked me home. On the way home he asked if he could kiss me and I said no. Told him I had a boyfriend. He said okay. We get to my house, still talking and he starts breaking down about being dumped by his 4 year gf three days ago. He also starts talking about his sever depression and how he is failing school and is starting to go to a counselor. It gets late and he's still venting so I tell him he should stay and there are plenty of free beds in my house.

He asks to sleep in the same bed. I say okay but he has to promise to keep everything to himself. Knowing that he feels bad about his gf and he's lonely i figured it would help him out. He puts his hand on my waist and I'm drunk so I pretend it's my bf cuz i'm missing him, so i dont tell him to move it.
We keep talking a lot. Then we fall asleep for an hour. Then he wakes me up and asks to fool around. I tell him no. He asks again, I say no again- still pretty tipsy. He starts giving me a back massage and i stop him a few minutes in. I sit up, we talk until morning and I chug a ton of water so we can walk back to the house where the party was so I get my car and he goes home.
No clothes, or under the clothes action happened at all. Just a lot of personal talking about our sex lives, and past relationships, and depression.
The next morning when i got home i was wracked with guilt and felt so bad about letting another guy touch my side and sleep in the same bed as me that I starting bawling and called my boyfriend and told him what happened. He said it was fine, and not to worry about it. We talked for 2 hours on the phone and skyped later that night. I'm still scared he'll leave.

Any tips/help/comments?
would any of you stay with a girl that did this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You got away, but just about! Lucky you!

    If you can't hold your drinks, be careful with whom you are. Something like this could end up in a rape charge someday. (Agreed he led you own and seems to have almost conned you, from your description!)

    You did pretty well, if we go by your account, in being firm about your no. Where you didn't do well, I feel, was in not realising your alcohol limits. In taking him home. In not reading through his motives (most guys will see sex simply as a free meal!) and also in telling your bf. Sometimes knowing is more hurtful than the act itself.

    Nextime, just be over-cautious. You're lucky nothing happened. If you had to charge him with rape (had it gone a little further), he could have spent many years behind bars.

    • Im not sure he was conning me. I mean-- the man was having a break down and crying. I've also known this guy for 4 years. We used to be class friends in highschool ( you know the kind of friend you talk to because you sit next to him, but don't hang out outside of class).

      You don't think I should have been honest with my bf? I felt so bad after I don't think I would have been able to not tell- it would have built up inside me and i would have told him down the road anyway i think.. which would be worse.

      I agree though, I do need to control my drinking. This experience has given me a wake up call in that respect. I thought my friends would have my back, but seeing as it seemed like such a safe environment I wasn't expecting it.. and my friend thought I was fine.

      I guess I'm sorta worried that my boyfriend might stop trusting me even though when I told him he said it was okay and that he trusted me...

    • Show All
    • well. i told him everything but the massage. I figured telling him he placed his hand on my waist was enough. Like I said the massage and hand were over clothing.

      So in your opinon coming close vs just sleeping- coming close would be much worse? You don't think sharing a bed is as bad? why?

    • > So in your opinon coming close vs just sleeping- coming close would
      > be much worse? You don't think sharing a bed is as bad? why?

      I didn't say (or mean to suggest) that coming close would be much worse than sleeping together/having sex. But coming close is bad enough. Because you're sending out a signal to a guy that you're available. And once he gets started, he's going to find it very hard to stop. What if this had ended up in you charging him with rape? Would it have been fair to him?

      I think (our own) intentions are important. Probably the message we send out is as important!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it would fine, I wouldn't consider it cheating, you told him no even though you were drunk, and you admitted it to your boyfriend which probably made him happy that you trusted him enough to tell him


Recommended Questions


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Not cheating, if i was the bf and i found out i would assume that you cheated. Thats raising red flags all over

    • What do you think of his reaction then? I mean, he told me it was okay, he trusts me. And just "don't do it again". Then he talked with me about all sorts of things for 2 hours, then again at night for another 2 hours. He continued saying sweet things like calling me beautiful and sweet nicknames. I told him that I showed the guy his picture (cuz i did) and he said that he can't wait till I come back to NH. I'm just worried that actually meeting up in person he'll decide he wants to break up..

    • Show All
    • hmm okay. Thank you for your help!

    • No problem

  • Yes u cheated... because your boyfriend would not approve of that.

  • Not cheating, just poor judgement.

    • what do you think is going through my bf's head when he heard? I feel like a horrible person because I feel like I hurt him. But he hasn't brought it up again, and he's been really sweet to me and hasn't really gotten mad at all besides saying "don't do it again" in a harsh voice... I just don't want this to ruin everything.

    • He probably thought "What was she thinking". If he isn't mad I wouldn't worry about it. Just use better judgement next time. If a guy ever wants to share a bed, He has something sexual on his mind.

What Girls Said 2

  • 1: IF YOU'RE ASKING IF IT'S CHEATING, it's cheating. There would be no question if you wern't guilty.
    2: PICTURE THIS, Your bf and another girl in the same bed doing the SAME shit. Do you like the sight of it?

    Sorry but, it's cheating.

  • It definitely wasn't cheating. But it was some pretty silly judgement on your side.


Recommended myTakes