What should I do about my relationship with my girl? She cheated but it's complicated?

Okay, this is a complicated one. We met, had an instant attraction and that's where things start getting complicated. She was living with her current boyfriend that she openly admitted she didn't love anymore. She still cared for him but not loved and was only living there as she had nowhere else to go. We kinda started seeing each other and I fell for her so fast and from what she said she loved me too... Messy as all hell so far huh?

Gets worse. I find out as we went along that she cheated on him prior to getting with me too, which I was kinda sketchy with but it was her past and I believe in taking people as I find them and not judging them on the past. I too have cheated in the past on a couple of girls. I'm not proud of it but I have changed and I would never do it again so I don't believe "once a cheat, always a cheat"!

That being said I was feeling insecure about the whole situation and wanted her for myself but it couldn't be so. I found out she was still saying she loved him and they still slept together (which I kinda understood as she was in a tough spot having nowhere to go). But she said I made her feel so bad about herself with the constant barrage of telling her she was hurting me by not ending things with him.

She then cheated on me (and him I guess) with some other guy on a night out and then later on in the week which I found out about. She said it was because i was making her feel shit for something she couldn't really control and this other guy made her feel good.

So, I dumped her, we end up back together but not officially. As it stands, she has moved out and finished with the now ex (although not everyone knows about it). her mother was asking if he was at hers the other night and my heart just died and she was saying she loves me so much and that he never came over which I'm trying to believe. She say's she's "Not ready" for another full relationship but wants and loves me.

Does she love me? What do I do?
Updates:
I forgot to mention, she is one of those girls that hides emotions but when I walked away from her recently, she broke down in a way I've never seen before from anyone. We have both walked away from this "relationship" and both come back to it, so i don't know if that means anything?

Also, she is seeing a counsellor to deal with the issues she has, as she hasn't forgiven herself for the things she has done. Does the fact she has reacted in this way not mean she is trying to change for me/us?
Also, was speaking to a friend last night about it all and she reckoned the age gap is playing a part as she is 21 and i'm 31. Does this make such a massive difference as it was implied to me that it did.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you might have just found yourself a Playerette... she's done everything right so far.
    Instant connection
    Use of the three words while "Loving" someone else
    Using their sticky situation not to move forward with you
    Already having two and still finding a third
    Uses feelings as a shield while throwing the blame on you, using your own emotions
    Gets out of their sticky situation and still won't move forward with you but leaves you on the hook as a contingency plan with those three little words again.

    I like the fact that you consider her your girl... i should have added that to the list. but i think its connected to the last one. I don't see a complication here, I see an action. Get as far away as possible.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Playerette eh? Sounds saucy.

    • Show All
    • And as an after though, her best friend had recently told me this "She does want you, but doesn't know what to do about it."

      So if she tells her bestie that, I'm not sure if that's a good sign. i know it seems I'm trying to find reasons to fight on and to a point i very well may be. but I just want to cover all my bases and sorry if I'm being annoying now!

    • "And she said she wanted an us when the time was right..." you know when that time is? years later when she is done dating and porking as many people as she can and no one takes her seriously anymore.. except you, Mr. Contingency. You didn't help with the infatuation and insecurity, but you were driven by emotions you thought were deep. Now that i have shone some light on whats going on on her end... maybe you can start reassessing these "emotions" you seem to be harboring. There are other girls out there (closer to your age too) who would jump at a chance for your attention.

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What Girls Said 4

  • So essentially you want someone to tell you that you've caught the prize of the town slut who will never take responsibility for her actions or choices, continually laying the blame for her lack of good judgement on every one but herself.
    Cool! Wear rubbers and don't let her stay the night, be sure to leave a $50 on the nightstand when you leave in the morning before the next pipe layer comes through after you.

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  • She's not worth your time. Move on and find someone who will actually respect you and love you. She is just using you to get the attention that she craves and is just playing with your feelings. She's not responsible and seems to me she'll use any excuse to cheat. Now no one can tell you what to do but she will only end up breaking your heart, multiple times even, if you allow it. Don't let her do that to you because she doesn't love you in the least or she wouldn't have done that to you and made excuses. Find someone who is worth it and will love you and stay faithful to you no matter what. Just because she says that you made her feel bad doesn't mean that that earned her the right to cheat on you.

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    • Hi sexy_beast,

      I hear what you are saying. I consider myself a nice guy (perhaps stupid for putting up with everything I have) and I try to always see the good in people regardless of their mistakes. As I've said, I've made similar mistakes in the past and I changed. I guess the real problem is that I honestly love her and she knows it. Both of us have tried walking away and we end up back together. Why would she end it and come back and put up with all the crap we are going through just for the sake of it?

      Like I say I understand your views. We argue over it a lot cause for me it was almost a year of continuous torture and it's still raw for me. Why would anyone put up with the arguments and tough talks if I was just her "bitch". Seems stupid and pointless and easier to move on. The fact we are so emotional with each other surely shows she's perhaps turned a corner, cause if I meant nothing to her she wouldn't care if I left?

    • I see what your saying and like I said can't tell you what to do because I don't know first hand what happening and all the details. Just be careful. If you are sure that she is trying to change and that you believe that she really loves you then by all means give her another chance. But if she continues in the way she is now, then it will cause a lot of resentment and pain for both of you. So just be sure, before you do anything. and good luck :)

  • Boy, am really sorry saying this but this girl seems to be little slut. And u seem to be a nice guy. So... i would dumb her. Let me tell you what is happening. MOST Girls want boys running behind them. This girls seems to be like one of these girls who want lots of boys behind them. She wasn't good with you , and she cheated on you WHILE YOU KNEW! This is not a good girl, let her go and find someone who will respect you. Tell her that you can't be her little bitch anymore running behind her. LET HER DEAL WITH HER PERSONALITY ,
    Hope i helped, please write below what you think

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    • He's not a nice person as he's cheated in the past too and now he's had a visit from Karma.

    • yeah be she seems to enjoy it and she is doing it in front of him while he knows! She doesn't even feel shame WTF? LET HER GO.
      And for the oter subject he is more mature now and he said he would'nt do it again. The girls HE cheated should have let him go too

  • Damn! You need to dump her ass trust me i know what im sayin

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What Guys Said 2

  • What the fuck is wrong with you? If you have to ask yourself this? Be a man leave her!

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  • You walk away.

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