Guys, my boyfriend wants a "break" and it's "not me its him"?

I really need a guys opinion on what all this means. My boyfriend is in a really bad place right now. No job, money, education, house, car, license, insurance, bad health, overweight, depressed etc. It was like this when I started dating him but l fell in love and will stand by him. He's a "class clown" kinda guy so he seems happy, but is always complaining about how this is the worst his life has ever been and how depressed he is inside. But he always said that no matter what, he has me and I keep him going. His life hasn't gotten worse but it hasn't gotten better either. The last time I saw him was New Years Eve. As far as "us" we were fine and happy. But he was having one of his depressed days. It wasn't because of the whole "self reflection" of New Years though, he actually thinks the holiday is stupid lol. Then on Sunday morning out of nowhere he TEXTS me all in one message that he's having such a hard time with life and needs to be alone to find and better himself, hopes I understand and support him and that he's been thinking this for awhile. I basically ask him if he can break up with me in person and he responds with "I never said I was leaving you." He just needs space. I ask questions like "I thought I made it better? What changed? And I'll stand by you." He got mad and said the questions are pushing him away and I don't respect his decision and threatened to actually break up with me for real. I apologized and gave in. He said "I'm not leaving right now." and "I'll still be here." I ask if he HONESTLY plans on coming back to me. He said yes, and that he's just not in the mood for anyone even his friends (which made me feel better like it's not just me) and wants to be alone so he doesn't ruin the thing he has and wants (idk if he was talking about me) He changed his fb status to "its complicated" We haven't spoken in 2 days. I checked the dating website we met on and he's been online :( Im so lost! Guys please help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly we all have issues either it be financially, over weight, no job, and no car. But that's a bs excuse, I would not break up with someone I love, to find myself cause I'm depressed.

    If he loves you he would put you first and knowig you would stay by his side, through all the hardships shows him you care about him. He's hiding something, no doubt.

    Let him go, if you want and focus on you, who knows maybe you might not want him back and find somone better. He has no confidence, no goals, no ambition. All he has going for him is the XY chromosome haha.

    So I would move on, if someone loved you he wouldn't let you like that.

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    • Well I did want opinions on the whole situation, but I guess my biggest question is do you think the whole "space" thing is a lie and he really just wants to break up. See, he's really narcissistic and blunt and just doesn't sugar coat things. I feel like if he wanted to end it then he would've, especially when I told him to just tell me now if it's over and don't get my hopes up that he'll come back. Do you thinks it's possible that he'll come back? Or am I just refusing to see what's right infront of me?

    • He might realizing what he gave up, usually a lot of people do. But he shouldn't be on a dating site if he wants space, am I right?

      Honestly I'm in the same boat with you, but we don't know if they will come back or not, even if we gave them the world.

      So I given up hope, and have to move on. Time forces you to move on, and honestly if they wanted to come back they would. So all we can do is pck our selves up and move on and find out if they come back or not.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I will be honest and say that the fact he's been on the dating site is not good at all. If he wants space and doesn't feel like being even with his friends, then why is he on a dating site? I know this is hard but to me it seems a bit like he isn't leaving you right now because he has nobody else to go to right now. If I were you, I'd either confront him about the dating site and demand honesty, or then I'd just erase him from my life.

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    • Thanks for the answer. I know, I had a lot of hope before I saw that he was online. To be honest even though I'm not ready to move on, I went on there just to see what messages I've gotten latey. But I had a right to look around, he didn't. I want to ask him about it, but I don't know if he even wants to hear from me right now let alone that be the first thing I say. His depression is bad, he's tried to kill himself before and he has a bad temper. So im afraid he'll get pissed and say I'm making it all about me. I'm on thin ice right now.

    • Up until to where you mentioned the dating site my feeling wasn't all that bad. I thought that maybe he genuinely needs some time to figure things out. Has he been on the dating site during the relationship as well? As in, is there a possibility that it's in fact something harmless, just to take his mind off things? You're right that confronting him might not be a good idea because he will accuse you of stalking or stressing him or not giving him the time and space he demanded. It's hard because I can understand you wanting to give him space but at the same time, the situation isn't exactly fair on you either :-(

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • didn't Read All that descriptive shit, just here for the main question. Its a Nice Way of saying he wants to break up, but has to seal the Deal with a backup Chick
    Im sorry

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  • You fell in love because you wee desp. Trust me once you've had your distance from him, you'll realize how much of a mistake it really was

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What Girls Said 6

  • If you wanted to stay with this guy despite his shortcomings, you obviously are crazy about him. It's going to be difficult to leave. Regardless of whether the guy is going to come back or not, guys don't ask for a break. No guy who loves his girl asks for a break. You just have to decide whether you want to wait for someone who may not feel the same way you do.

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  • Sometimes this whole 'support' shit gets annoying and thinking alone is a lot better. My Current girlfriend tries to make me feel better with words like I love you and you will always have me. Well thanks hunny but it hasn't changed the outcome. Men and women have different methods of support. Men give support by saying "I saw this ad on tv offering your job" rather then "it will get better". See the difference. The second is nothing but BS. He could of dumped you if he wanted to but he didn't. He clearly wants u a part of his life. But realises your overbearing. He's not a woman he doesn't need emotional support rather logical advice on his situation is better. Another thing is stop feeling sorry for him it doeant make people feel good when there pitied. The fact he wants space says he'll be back but he wants to come back with something to offer like a job. Be patient chicka. Respect his space and ask him why he's been online on a dating site. by the way he could ask u the same thing why were you online? Maybe he was checking to see if you were after new guys yet.

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  • Your Times up!

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  • I've been there. A few times with the one person. It sounds scarily similar to what I experienced, we went through that 3 times, and like a fool, I kept taking him back. It made me feel like crap every time we went on a break. He may have his issues, but you also deserve someone who knows what they want. In my opinion, it's wrong to ask someone to wait while the other 'finds themselves'.

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  • He's lying to you. My ex did that to me

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  • Honestly U should leave him U don't deserve how he's treating you

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