Now what? Is it really over?

I've been dating this man for about 3 months and everything has been going great. He was engaged to to someone he was dating for years up until about 7 months ago prior to us dating. We made plans to get together this weekend, and we had a great time again. last week and yesterday I noticed a little hesitation and distance in intimacy so I asked if there was something wrong, and little by little he said that he really really likes me and Im a great person, but that he feels stuck because he's having hard time moving on with our relationship because he doesn't know if he is really over the ex. Well, if I didn't ask, was he ever gonna tell me this? I think i know what i have to do, but im not sure Im ready to do it because i think I've actually fallen for him and it truly hurts.

Updates:
Here's a kicker though. We spontaniosly scheduled a getaway thats actually in 2 days. I was contemplating on cancelling but in all honesty, after all the planning and desperately needing a vacation, im still going. He think that I should still go and that we can have fun. Anxiety is at its highest right now. Wow, i really can't believe this whole thing is happening.
he stayed over my house because i didn't want him to drive back that late and after wine... this morning we talked and he apologized saying that he thiught he was ready to date and that this rollercoaster happens every so often. He said that he still wants to keep in touch, talk and doesn't want me to just stop talking to him. I told him that he needs to do what he needs to do, that Ill be happy for him if he's happy, but I can not be there with him feeling like this because its painful to me.
So, we went away together... and it was the worst thing I had to go through. Mood was gloomy the whole day but we spent it together. Slept in different beds, and 5am phone rand, and it was his ex (not any more). He told her he wasn't answering phone calls and texts because he was busy/having guy time at the hotel... pretty much lied through his teeth. We came home and that was that. No more calls, texts or anything. To say that I;m hurt is an understatement but I know it will pass and I'll be OK

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just continue as normal until the conversation comes up again and you can ask him what he really thinks.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • At least he was honest with you. It may hurt but you cannot change who a person loves. It may not seem like it but you will get over it. Why love someone whos heart is somewhere else? Besides, he was single for only 4 months before he started dating you- that is surely not enough time to get over a failed engagement. I am sorry but you might of been the rebound. You have to move on or give him time to figure out what he wants no matter how painful it is because this pain is short lived compared to the pain still being involved with someone and chasing someone who loves someone else.

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    • You're right and I understand this. Its hard only because I have a lot of feeling for him, but I can only control myself, not him.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Maybe yes maybe no

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What Girls Said 4

  • Yeah, unfortunately you became the rebound relationship which never works out. Give him space is all you can do. If you are what he wants he will show you. He may need time to miss yoy in order to see that if what he feels for you is real. You need to step back quickly and give him some real distance.

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    • Yes- thats what I told him, maybe he needs some time to figure all this out. He is significantly older then I am, and im in my late 30's so neither of us is playing games. I understand that what he is feeling is also sad, so I'm not mad at him or anything. This is the second week that he didn't even touch me and i knew something was up. But here's a new issue. He stayed at my house last night, and this morning we talked again. This time he was more compassionate as I explained that I will be happy for him if he's happy but I can't even imagine ever seeing him, giving him a hug and a kiss on a cheek after all we've shared. He said that he felt the same and that we share much much more then that, and what we have are the feeling of soulmates, not friends. What? Before you know it, he was hugging me and kissing me and we ended up making love. I know I shouldn't have allowed it, but I did. Hell, if I was confused before, you can imagine how I feel after this.

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    • It's embarrassing to even admit this, being that I am the age that I am, but I'm having such a hard time dealing with all this, especially that we are going away together. What is the point of it all other than we both need a vacation? How do we behave around each other? Do we share our meals together or we just ignore one another?

    • Just go into it with a clear head and know that a vacation and time together won't really change anything than your surroundings. You have to really talk and have a clear understanding of things. And know this once you do come to a conclusion that's the one he will stick to so trying to change it after that is not good.

  • I know how u feel,, i was in that situation,,, u must prevent yourself from hurting,, If u really fall for him so u better give him time,, put a deadline and try to be his friend,,, Try not to get intimate with him because if he hasn't move on from his ex u are the one who brak her heart in to 100 pieces!!!
    So Give him a time,, Be his friend,, dont get too intimate,, and lets see what will happen.
    Do this if u really love and care about him,, if u think he worths it to give him time.

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    • Thank you-the intimacy thing doesn't didn't last too long, but yeah, i think i should just give him time.

  • You might need to ask him that. Probably going to be easier in the long run to move on, though, because he was prepared to spend the rest of his life with that woman.

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  • It's great that he told you. It hurts like hell but at least u know

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