Why did my ex dump me?

My dearest friends among the Internet, please tell me whether this man was a great man so I won't hate him.

He and I dated for 10 months, from our 6th month til now we have started our distance relationship. He lives in Southampton and I live in London so that's about 2.5 hours ride each time we wanted to see each other. In December everything was fine, we took a trip to Paris for my birthday and went back to his home to celebrate Christmas with his family. After Christmas break I then started noticing his odd behaviour like he wouldn't engage a conversation with me as much and he's stopped taking me out or putting efforts.

He dumped me after new year and said he wasn't happy. The reasons were
1. he couldn't stand this distance relationship
2. He doesn't have his own life, which this part I really don't understand cos we do still have our own social life and he claimed that we spent too much time together?
3. He said he's never changed for me and I've changed too much for him
4. I was a bit too needy since distance relationship started?
5. He said I deserve better and he really lost his confidence about us

What i don't understand is.. surely if you love someone enough you would try to fix problems but he said love isn't that simple, love isn't all about loving someone only.

I was really confused because it happened so quick and he was very cold and ruthless to me throughout last week before we broke up as if he didn't have feelings for me anymore.

I've been crying for a couple days and now I'm just calm and trying to figure whether I dated the wrong guy, he didn't love me or I need to fix myself? I hate giving up and I wish if someone can rationally tell me the truth why he did this? Was it because he was selfish?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't have any real advice, just wanted to say I'm in a similar situation. My ex also started to become weird and then said he couldn't handle the distance, that we are too different, that I want too much, that we don't make each other happy, etc. It is very hurtful when this happens, and I can so understand that you want to have a reason or an explanation. I don't know if there is one. My ex also says he loves me but that love won't fix everything. I disagree with this but I can't change his mind.
    What I'm trying to do now (on the advice of a male friend) is to ignore him. My friend says that if there's a chance for this relationship still, the only way is to make him miss me. It sorts of makes sense, even though it is very hard because everything in my screams "let him know how much he means to you". But I've been trying that for the past seven weeks (when he first started the odd behaviour) and it didn't go anywhere.

    I'm not sure if you are still in touch with him, but maybe it would also be good to you to give him the space that he wants.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • One of the things I've founded from ex's is a lot of them don't seem to believe in working through problems, whether this is because they didn't love me, or if its because they are just those kind of people. I like to think the latter.

    If his behavoir suddenly changed then there was obviously a reason for it. The correct way to deal with it would have been to talk to you about what was bothering him, rather than letting things go so bad that he had to break up.

    Unfortunately the distance doesn't help when it comes to communication in a relationship, someone who is already bad at sorting out there problems is undoubtably going to become worse.

    I doubt this has anything at all to do with you and is purely down to him. Its his loss anyway and not yours. People who believe in talking and working through problems are few are far between, most just believe if things aren't working its time to move on, alas I don't think those people will ever properly settle down.

    Yes its possible for love to fade, so I wouldn't think too much into the reasons he gave you. Ultimately if he loved you enough then it would not fade and you wouldn't be here to begin with. You can be grateful he only wasted 10 months of your time and no longer :) It would be awful to find this out later.

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  • When I was your age, I had this exact same thing happen to me but it was 8 hours distance and no Skype, no smartphones, no video chat of any kind etc.. and we survived it.

    The reason why, is actually in your question. "surely if you love someone enough you would try to fix problems."

    You are right. It took two years, but we got it done because we loved eachother.

    Some crap about "love isn't that simple, love isn't all about loving someone only" sounds like he is dissatisfied with other aspects of the relationship (or found another woman!) and is juking you.

    Sorry this happened to you, your heart must be broken.

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  • Sometimes people just go off you and it sucks. Looks like the feelings were stronger on your side than his. That means at least some of the time he was with you he wasn't being genuine. It's not your fault, I've had that happen to me and it wasn't my fault. It's more down to them than it is to you. It gets easier with time and you start to slowly gather your shit back together, sometimes when they see you getting on with it they contact you again because they need an ego rub, just be civil and let them know you've moved on.

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What Girls Said 5

  • He didn't want to be in a long distance relationship, his needs weren't being met and he wasn't happy. That's his decision to make and he did what was right for him.

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  • I know this feeling all to well.. the best thing to do is just don't think about it, you will drive yourself crazy thinking about what went wrong. Did he break up with you over the phone, you deserve better than that for sure! Just focus on you and one day when you're more emotionally in control you guys can talk about it. I literally just went through this with my ex fiance of 6 years we broke up 2 years ago and I just got my answer like last week, and no I didn't sit and wait for him to talk to me I moved on and made myself a better person, and one day he called and apologized and explained. It's going to hurt for awhile but I promise it will get better

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  • Ldr is a tiring process, both parties need to out in a lot of efforts to keep it going. If he is not willing to be with u becoz of this, I can understand. When a person quit on a relationship so soon, it just tells me they are not compatible and also it can be he isn't sincere.
    Time heals almost everything...

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  • He is selfish and emotionless person well no need to cry! sumthings happens for a good reason..!
    Nt too late get over him and see sum of the reasin are absurd

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  • He probably just started to lose feelings. It happens sometimes. You shouldn't be crying over this though, definitely not. You live in London girl, London is full of hotties and gents.

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