My dearest friends among the Internet, please tell me whether this man was a great man so I won't hate him.
He and I dated for 10 months, from our 6th month til now we have started our distance relationship. He lives in Southampton and I live in London so that's about 2.5 hours ride each time we wanted to see each other. In December everything was fine, we took a trip to Paris for my birthday and went back to his home to celebrate Christmas with his family. After Christmas break I then started noticing his odd behaviour like he wouldn't engage a conversation with me as much and he's stopped taking me out or putting efforts.
He dumped me after new year and said he wasn't happy. The reasons were
1. he couldn't stand this distance relationship
2. He doesn't have his own life, which this part I really don't understand cos we do still have our own social life and he claimed that we spent too much time together?
3. He said he's never changed for me and I've changed too much for him
4. I was a bit too needy since distance relationship started?
5. He said I deserve better and he really lost his confidence about us
What i don't understand is.. surely if you love someone enough you would try to fix problems but he said love isn't that simple, love isn't all about loving someone only.
I was really confused because it happened so quick and he was very cold and ruthless to me throughout last week before we broke up as if he didn't have feelings for me anymore.
I've been crying for a couple days and now I'm just calm and trying to figure whether I dated the wrong guy, he didn't love me or I need to fix myself? I hate giving up and I wish if someone can rationally tell me the truth why he did this? Was it because he was selfish?
Most Helpful Guy
When I was your age, I had this exact same thing happen to me but it was 8 hours distance and no Skype, no smartphones, no video chat of any kind etc.. and we survived it.
The reason why, is actually in your question. "surely if you love someone enough you would try to fix problems."
You are right. It took two years, but we got it done because we loved eachother.
Some crap about "love isn't that simple, love isn't all about loving someone only" sounds like he is dissatisfied with other aspects of the relationship (or found another woman!) and is juking you.
Sorry this happened to you, your heart must be broken.1
Most Helpful Girl
I don't have any real advice, just wanted to say I'm in a similar situation. My ex also started to become weird and then said he couldn't handle the distance, that we are too different, that I want too much, that we don't make each other happy, etc. It is very hurtful when this happens, and I can so understand that you want to have a reason or an explanation. I don't know if there is one. My ex also says he loves me but that love won't fix everything. I disagree with this but I can't change his mind.
What I'm trying to do now (on the advice of a male friend) is to ignore him. My friend says that if there's a chance for this relationship still, the only way is to make him miss me. It sorts of makes sense, even though it is very hard because everything in my screams "let him know how much he means to you". But I've been trying that for the past seven weeks (when he first started the odd behaviour) and it didn't go anywhere.
I'm not sure if you are still in touch with him, but maybe it would also be good to you to give him the space that he wants.0