Need help, it may be morally wrong for me to do this but I need advice on how to "sabotage" an unhealthy relationship?

So my ex and i brokeup a while back and i was pretty hurt. So i cut contact with her to a minimum and she calls me 2 days ago crying. She can't trust her current bf. He is 36 and she is 19 by the way. But he constantly lies to her and from what she tells me it seems like he is cheating or trying to cheat. And i worry so much. I would just let it go but she is one to let "love" blind her from all reality. He told her he wants to move out of his parents house and get his own and she started crying because she doesn't trust him enough to be at home alone when she's at work. So i ask this with desperateness because i do care about the girl, what can i do to sabotage this and get him away from her?

Updates:
So does anybody have any advice on how i can end it?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • of course he is cheating, the 19 year old is his fucking side chick. pun intended. and holy fuck, living with parents at 36. I give you the right to shoot me in the leg if im ever in that position.

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    • Im glad you see things from my perspective. And unfortunately i still care enough to get her out of harms way

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    • cause for her its better to have someone than to be alone.

    • I guess, it just sucks because i hate seeing her go through this

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What Girls Said 4

  • Nothing. She will not thank you for your interference no matter how many times she calls you crying. She will, in fact, resent you for it even if the proof is in front of her. She needs to figure it out;, it is part of growing up emotionally to make mistakes and learn from them. Lend a shoulder if you must, but let her figure things out herself.

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    • I didn't plan on telling her i ruined it. I just want it to end. Idc if she resents me because she will be out of harns way

    • Not sure what "harm" you are talking about? Is he abusive?

    • He has a past in drugs and alcohol. The one day i was hanging out with her at her moms and he left work and rolled up at her moms house. I went inside and she stayed outside to talk to him and he was like yelling and screaming at her

  • He's 36 and still lives with his parents, huge red flag. She's too young and immature to date him. But don't get involved stay out of it, I'm she won't leave him, so do try to convince her. Give it time and he will get sick of her cry baby ass and dumped her, once he gets his own place.

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    • *I'm sure she won't leave him.

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    • Yes im considerably a nice person which is why i care so much. And yes she left me. And im just too nice. I just worry so much

    • I get that I'm kinda the same way, but You can't live her life for her. She has to live and learn. Find you someone who will love the fact that you care so much.

  • Are you serious? You're not the one to end it. If she is smart enough, she will handle ot herself.

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  • First that's none of your business yes you care about her but let her be the one who break up you can advice her but she's the one who's is in that relationship so let her be the one who break it if she doesn't there you know she loves the old guy but remember karma is a biatch and what goes around comes around

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    • I think it is some of my business because i spent 3 years with her and she calls me crying when she's upset. She is just too nice i guess and doesn't give up easily. This is not the first time she had suspicion about this guy. She constantly doesn't trust him. She says she doesn't want to leave without any hard evidence

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    • Okay so she's a gold digger? So why are you getting involve again?

    • Because i care too much. She has helped me through a lot and we went through a lot together. I know a lot of people say that nowadays but we really did. She changed my life for the best and i can never thank her enough for that, unfortunately ill always love her and care so id do anyttthing to make sure she stays happy

What Guys Said 5

  • Mr. White Knight, the princess doesn't need saving. The only response is "Sorry, you lost access to my assistance when you broke up with me. Good luck"

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    • Thats what EVERYONE tells me but im not the most intelligent i suppose. I spent 3 years with the girl and i do love her and always will. She is such an intelligent girl and has so much going for her and this guy is just no good. He has a past in drugs and everything

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    • Im not trying to get her back.. I've moved on a while ago. But i will always love her and i care so i will still try protect her

    • I don't think so. On some level you want her to regret her choice. Again, she's not a princess locked in a dungeon. She's a free-thinking woman who makes decisions she feels are in her best interest. So she's putting up with his shitty behavior because on a level it turns her on.

      You know I'm right along with everyone else. There's really nothing left to discuss.

  • This girl clearly has lousy taste in men, and should probably be avoided. If you are worried about her as a friend, this method may work:

    Follow this d-bag guy to one of his other girls' houses. Photo evidence of whatever you can find, perhaps his car parked out front for a few hours and proof of who lives there. Then, next time she claims that she thinks he is cheating, mention that you have been hearing about this, are worried about her, and did a little bit of detective work for her, and OFFER to show her the photos if she wants to see them.

    Don't secretly email them to her or anything like that. She has to hear that you have proof, and want to see the proof, and whatever to collect must be defensible as proof. Remember that you are doing this as her friend, and do not expect any reaction from her, it would be a total coin toss how someone would react to something like this. But doing so may give you peace of mind...

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    • Thank you for the actual advice and listebing. Ill try that but im not sure how it will work out. she's too important to me than to let her fall in his flames. Do you have any other tips?

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    • I know, id just rather it happen sooner than later, ya know?

    • Right

  • Id let her play herself what ever happens beyond the break up its not my problem. She's a grown ass woman she'll figure it out.

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    • See id love to think that way but as mature as she believes she is she's not. she's too mentally unstable for all this crying and stuff

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    • That's what my sister is going through right now what's worse she has kids with him. Smh those woman are stuck. Doesn't mean you are lol do you guys still talk?

    • Yeah, she still wants to be friends and im always here when she's upset. He hates that we talk and hangout but she refuses to let me go for some reason

  • Who dumped who.

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    • She left me for him last summer

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    • ... not only can you not help her, you are quite possibly making things worse.

      This guy is a douchebag. She knows he's a douchebag. She knows you're a nice guy who cares about her feelings. She's dating him because she finds him more attractive than you.

      So she has a douchebag bf she finds hot, and she has a sweet and emotionally attached ex. While she may be crying a lot, she's actually getting all her needs met - her attraction needs via him, her emotional intimacy needs via you.

      Essentially, you are propping up the relationship by doing the things he isn't. You're probably prolonging their relationship.

    • You can't help her because it's unlikely she will listen to anyone. She doesn't want it to be true. So she will be tempted to explain everything away, or say it's possible everything is fine, and cling to that idea.

      In your case, the easiest way to explain everything away is to tell herself you're just jealous. So whatever you say, even if its presenting factual evidence, the part of her that wants to believe in this new guy will say 'he's just saying this/doing this/snooping/interfering because he's jealous'. So then she'll blame you. She may even decide that she 'drove him to cheat' with her 'suspicions' that were your fault.

  • Don't try, she won't listen: you're an ex.

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    • See i found some incriminating stuff about him and i told her i wasn't saying anything because im the ex and i didn't want to be that guy but she bawled and begged me and then she talked to him and he denied it and now i look like an ass

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