Should I break up with my girlfriend of 4 years, because she cheated on me?

My girlfriend went to Hawaii with her rich girlfriend & met a guy there. They had drinks and hung out for 2 days. She claims they were just friends, but she gave the guy her number & found out he lived 30 minutes from her back in CA. After a fight which involved a lot of drinking, my gf decided it was a good idea to talk to this guy again. I grew suspicious of the way she was acting and hiding things on her phone and then I saw she deleted our anniversary on Facebook (which she said she didn't do), I had to find out what was up, so when she fell asleep I grabbed her phone and started looking through her text messages and pictures. I ended up finding some bad pictures of this guy almost completely nude as well as pictures of her too. I confronted her and she told me that she was talking with this guy and was confused. I told her we needed time apart, so she could gather her thoughts and figure out what she wanted. Found out few days later she went on a date with guy and the bar after. She was acting odd when she came back home, so I asked her questions and eventually she told me she saw this guy again, but nothing happened aside dinner/drinks. Few days later something was off again and I told her if she respected me at all to tell me everything that happened, because I knew she was lying/withholding information, so she told me that she went to the guys house afterwards and they made out for a good while, but she didn't have sex or give the guy a blowjob/handjob. It's hard for me to trust her, because she has been lying/witholding things several times in a few weeks, so how do I know if this is REALLY the truth. I asked her I wanted to talk to this guy and ask him if anything else happened as I believe he would have no reason to lie and might not even know that I exist yet she refuses to do so, because she says that is weird/immature, but I feel like it is the only way I can know for certain and truly trust her again otherwise I will probably be breaking it off.

Updates:
Should be noted we had a healthy relationship I am a good guy who treats her right, respects her, I am loyal and trustworthy and I thought she was as well. We have been dating for 4 and half years and planned on getting married and having a family, but she got in an accident and almost died December 2013 and things have been rocky ever since. So confused I just want to know if she is still hiding something, if she isn't then I believe we can fix it, if not I want to move on I'm over the games!
Would really appreciate some female feedback. Thank you guys for the support, I honestly would have already dumped her if I didn't invest so much time/effort into this relationship had this happened 3 years ago she would have been dumped, blocked and never talked to again, but she was always loyal, faithful, loving and everyone makes mistakes granted this one is a huge mistake I want to know everything before I make my final decision.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Get someone better, if they cheat no matter the excuse they don't really love you.

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    • I know she cheated, but I believe she is truly sorry and it won't happen again and up until 3 months ago never had any reason not to trust/believe her. As of right now she is saying it was emotional cheating and not physical. If she didn't have sex with him or perform/receive a sexual act then I believe it's fixable I think she is worth it.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Once trust is broken it's hard to rebuild it. If you feel in your gut, she's not being completely honest, then move on.

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    • appreciate the comment. I agree trust is hard to rebuild and if I know everything that happened 100% accurate without leaving anything out I honestly believe we can fix it. If she is still withholding information then of course it will be over. I even told her had she told me right away everything that happened it would have been so much easier for me to forgive and start rebuilding the trust, but since she has been lying, witholding things and now tells me she told me everything it's almost impossible to believe that to be true as much as I want to believe it and as genuine as it seemed.

    • You need to take a step back and think about the bigger picture. Try to clear your head, to sort through your feelings. You may never know if she's telling the whole truth. So you have to ask yourself, can you accept what she says as the truth and start rebuilding? You have to be willing to let go of the past. And that can be extremely difficult. If you can't do that, and feel like you will constantly be questioning the authenticity of her take on things then you should move on. Good luck! Relationships are tough and no matter how black and white things seem to people looking in there's always that gray area of emotion.

  • Honey find someone better than her. If you have been dating for 4 years and she cheated on you then she doesn't love you enough to be true to you

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  • If she loved you, she wouldn't have cheated in the first place. But if she really loved you and made a mistake, don't you think she would have been honest about it and worked it out with you? If she didn't trust you or your relationship enough to believe you could work it out, and resorted to lying, it's my opinion that perhaps the relationship isn't as healthy as you think.

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    • I completely agree with you and I told her this same exact thing. If she was unhappy with the relationship why didn't she tell me or brake up with me and pursue someone else instead of hurting me and covering it up? Our relationship was great the first 3 years then it just fell apart. I knew we both had issues heading into relationship, but we balanced each other out very well and things used to be great. The deeper we got in the relationship the more I could start seeing she really craves attention from friends and in this instance a guy. I guess some of my biggest flaws are being too trusting/loyal and willing to give someone a second chance, because were all human and make mistakes. Not only am I am hurting, but I also feel bad for her as she is completely unstable financially and if I brake up I fear it might throw her over the edge. Trying to fix things and ride through the storm just seems like the right thing to do and if it doesn't work out then I can at least say I tried.

  • Just move on.. You'll be bummed but you need a chick who has a back up plan when things get rough..

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  • Break up with her you deserve better.

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    • thank you. Glad to be getting some positive responses outside of family/friends who usually give the same type of responses.

What Guys Said 6

  • If I were you she would have done enough already even thinking or exploring her feelings with another guy. Get out of there fast. I am almost 100 percent sure she's lying and even if she's not she has betrayed your trust. You deserve better.

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    • I'd thought I'd add more. In my experience woman who don't know what they want, or claim they didn't think about things like this are dangerous. You will be hurt more by her whether she can help it or not. For that reason you need to put you first, cut your losses and move on.

  • Have some self respect bro

    Move on, you deserve better

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    • Honestly man that is another huge reason I should end it. I don't think I could respect myself anymore if I stayed together. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but I am also the type of person that is very forgiving. The deal breaker for me is how far did she take the cheating? If she gave or received oral or had sex it's over. I found out the guy's number which I plan on talking to him and I don't even think he knows I exist. He will have no reason to lie, so if I find out it was just emotional cheating I can forgive that and continue, but if it was more then that it will be over guaranteed. I am too good of a guy and treated her too well to deserve the ultimate betrayal which I will find out regardless if we stay together or not.

    • Im curious how it goes... let me know when its all done

  • Liar: check
    Manipulator: check
    Whore: check

    Verdict: human garbage. Throw the bitch away.

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  • Dump her she's a sloot no offense to your judgement

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  • She is a cheat and a liar and you have some justifiable trust issues that helped you break a code of privacy. Lines have been crossed and you two will never be the same. End it.

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  • I think u feel very disappointed and u finding some excuse to make her wrong acceptable in some way but in the end of the day the idea will come back to u that in fact she cheated u and there's no any excuse for that

    U have 2 choise swallow the pain and continue with her and start new page , but this choise u should take it only think if u can marry cheater gf , as u said u want to marry her

    The second choise move on but it will not be easy for u Y? bcoz she cheated u and u still want someway to continue with her

    I suggest to move on but bcoz she did it once what will hold her to not do it again?

    Even if there's no cheat in future would u spend ur life with cheater wife? That's the main Q

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    • Thank you for your input. Yes I definitely have a lot to think about. Cheating is by far one of the worst thing you can ever do to your significant other in a long term relationship or marriage and in most cases I do believe it is unforgivable. The fact of the matter is this if she finally told me the entire truth as she claims and she didn't sleep with this guy then I really believe it is fixable. If she slept with the guy then obviously it's unfix-able, but if she didn't she had lapses in judgement and is a drinker which may have played a large part in the emotional cheating. I am basically giving it a little time, but I should know by February if this relationship is gonna continue or if I am gonna flush it down the toilet and start fresh.

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