I ended a relationship with a guy after a year and a half and so much shitty stuff happened that I feel traumatized by it. He was a sex addict, drug addict, and alcoholic, which led to emotional abuse, anger issues, cheating, countless lies, and in the end I lost sight of myself too. I didn't find out most of this until the very end. I don't want this to haunt me forever in every relationship and I fear it will. I feel like love and trusting people is bullshit right now and the idea of love at all makes me sick. I want to move on and be healthy but how can I be done with this and clear it from my mind? Any advice?
Most Helpful Guy
Try not to think of your past relationship as a failure. It was a bad experience, but one that you can stand to benefit from. Try to use it as a lesson to teach you more about yourself. While you were a victim don't think yourself as one. Your attitude is the most important aspect towards moving on. You can dwell on the past and feel victimized, or you can reflect on what parts of your personhood were either too weak/naive/vulnerable etc, to allow yourself to fall into such a negative space, then use that information as a method for self improvement in your future. You may never forgive or forget your ex, but you may come to a point where you can appreciate what his experience will have taught you. A success in self-development. The person you will become in a year is not the sum of the choices you have previously made, rather, it is the sum of the choices you will make from now on. He didn't weaken you, damage you, or put up your walls, you did. Dig deep within yourself to understand what it is that you can do to improve your future relationships, and understand that it is only your attitude that can make them positive or negative.
I am sorry for what you have gone through, but you can let go and redefine yourself for the better. This it's coming out of my ass, I went through this exactly. Meth addicted, abusive, lying, sex addicted, manipulative ex for 5 years. I appreciate all that she has taught me. I was not a victim, I was weak and forgot my values and what I stand for.
Good luck, be strong.1