Great relationship, breakup came out of nowhere, doesn't feel like it should be over. What to do? How to do it?

My boyfriend broke up with me last week. Together for 6 months but also been close friends for two years. It was the first really serious relationship for both of us. It completely blindsided me because everything was great between us. We always talked through problems, we never fought once, we had great sex regularly, we went on dates at least once a week, I had met his family before Christmas and they loved me (and I absolutely adored them), we had so much fun together and we were in love. We had plans to go out and I confirmed them during the day and he was excited. About an hour before we were supposed to go out he asked if we could talk first about something on his mind. He told me that he's been feeling for the last week or so like the relationship has been different. I had been very stressed before Christmas balancing two jobs and school that I turned to eating and binge drinking to cope with my stress. I gained 30 pounds in 4 months. I've since gotten back on track, but I didn't realize how bad it was until my boyfriend mentioned he'd noticed it and how it really upset him to see me like that. He said he feels more like my therapist and my babysitter than my boyfriend, and that he doesn't feel as emotionally into it as before. He said its not as fun anymore and I don't seem happy. He then said we weren't breaking up and he wanted to work on the problems. But whatever i suggested he didn't actively agree to. He suggested we go on a date to "recreate" the spark, or to have a few days apart but I said it couldn't be forced overnight and I'm not sitting around waiting for him to decide if he still loves me. He right away said he still did. But since it sounded like his mind was made up, I said we should just end it. He tried to hug me then walk me home then tried seeing me later but I said I wanted to be alone. We haven't talked in a week. I still feel confused and like the relationship shouldn't be over. Did he just get scared? I'm not ready to move on.

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  • Sounds to me like no effort was made on your part to rectify your relationship problems. Instead you said you aren't going to sit around waiting for him. What impression does that give him? That you aren't interested in how he feels and that you have no desire to work on things.

    Any relationship requires hard work and communication. You will disagree on things and problems will always crop up. The idea of never encountering issues such as this in any relationship doesn't exist.

    Get back in touch with him and apologise. Tell him you miss him and you want to work on your problems. Don't get defensive or hide your feelings. Hopefully then it can work out for you guys.

    If it doesn't.. Well at least then you can be rest assured you did your best.

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    • I did suggest several things. I told him I was willing to work on the relationship, but every suggestion I made he sat there quietly or didn't say "yes let's do that." I told him it sounded like his mind was made up already. After no suggestions on either part had been agreed on I said "well we know what we have to do then" and he just apologized, but didn't fight for it.

    • The way I feel is that since he had never been in a relationship past the honeymoon stage, now that it was coming to an end he got scared and didn't know how to handle it?

    • So it's him that insinuated you broke up? Not you?

      And it's him you wasn't interested in your suggestions to improve? Are you sure he just didn't know what to say?

      Maybe you didn't talk it through properly. I'm not sure. It's possible he just isn't good at the talking thing to. What I can tell you is, about 90% of the time these things happen because of poor communication. If he wasn't happy with something he needs to be able to tell you before it becomes a deal breaker. Of course you have to listen too. Try to have a proper conversion and see where that leads.

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