Girlfriend wanted a break, was I wrong for dumping her?

We've been together for 4 years with a 3 year old son. She has been in a sober living house for 6 months and is a month away from leaving. Her friends at the house have told her it is not a good idea to live with me because I am still actively drinking. She asked me to stop and I did for a week here and there but one day she came home, smelt beer on my breath and started crying saying she hated me, didn't want this anymore and finally after I asked if she wanted to end the relationship she said she wanted a break for 30 days.

Now, this girl has been to treatment for drugs probably 6 times in the 4 years we have been together. I'm glad she finally 'got it' and I do feel like an asshole for not totally stopping what I was doing. I understand that she is in a vulnerable place and I don't want to be the reason she goes back out.

So we 'took a break' for about a week. I would see her every day when I dropped off and picked up my son at her sober house. When I would try to talk to her she would be very rude, start calling me crazy, etc. I wanted to know the boundaries we were setting for this break, are we seeing other people, etc. She told me 'you can do whatever you want, I'm not cheating on you. You need to get healthy. Prove to me you can be sober for 30 days". So that was that.

Finally today, after dropping off my son and dealing with her rude attitude I sent her a text. I told her basically that I was gonna do for her what I felt like she was afraid to do herself and we were broken up for good. I didn't want to be on the back burner and the fact that she expected me to do that showed me she had no respect for me. I told her we should see other people, work on ourselves and see what happens. I felt she liked having me grovel over her and promised I would not do that anymore.

I didn't want to do this but I felt I had to. I wasn't happy with the situation and wasn't sure that even if I did stay sober, which I had, we would reunite. Was I wrong?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Totally wrong, while I don't agree with her approach, you sir have a chill & need to clean your shyt up asap too! The least you can do for her & your son is address your issues instead of slamming hers. Get into counseling with her even if you decide to be seriously done. The fact a break for you meant go sling your sausage around town is a red flag that you're emotionally immature & need to take responsibility for your own actions.

    • I appreciate your feedback but I've stuck by this girl through thick and thin, sickness and in health for 4 years. I try to get a grip on my drinking and she wants nothing to do with me? That really hurts me. I've done everything to support her this stint, like every other time. Food, money, clothes, rides, the list goes on. But she doesn't even have the decency to set the parameters for what this break means?

      I don't know if she's taking this break because she has an interest in another guy, wants to spend as much time possible with her friends before she leaves, or whatever. What I do know is that a high % of breaks turn into breakups and that when a women says she wants one it's not always for the reason she states.

      Either way I just wasn't happy. So she's gonna treat me like shit for 30 days and then decide that ok, times up I want to be with you again? Doesn't make sense to me. Life's too short, if she wants to put me in timeout I'll just give her the real thing.

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