My trust issues ruined my marriage?

So I have been married for 7 years, there were some circumstances that led me to stop trusting my husband 2 years ago. For these last 2 years I (we) have been trying to build that trust back, but something happens and I over think it and we fight, then ultimately the trust issues show their ugly faces again. So before I explain the current issue, I will let you know that I am an insecure person. I am not ugly, or unattractive, but I have issues with my body because I have had three children. I am not fat, but im not the size I want to be. So here's the current issue that will probably end the marriage. Basically my husband told me that I am holding him back from being himself, that my issues are causing him to not have female friends (which is true) and he gets worried if he says hi to a female, that if I see it then I will flip out. So he said he wants to be friends with his female friends from his past, but I have seen pictures of them and they are hot!! So I said I can't accept it. So now we are pretty much over, I know I have to let him go and its all my fault. I guess my question is, why can't I be a normal person and get rid of my stupid thoughts and stupid issues? I've tried and tried, but eventually I go back to my old thinking and I can't keep my stupid mouth shut. Please be kind, I am very vulnerable right now. I know what I've done wrong, I just needed a safe place to vent, and maybe get some advice or even support. Thank you for reading this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can understand your insecurity.. but if he's done things in the past that weren't good then you have every right to feel the way you do. I don't think what you said to him was wrong, marriage consists of trusts, just like in any other relationship, if there is no trust then there's nothing. Why would he want to start friendships with females from his past if he's married? Especially if you're both working on trust issues?
    I don't think you were out of line at all with how you feel.

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What Guys Said 6

  • You should try explaining to him that you are only jealous-ish or protective of him because you love him and don't want to lose him. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand you feel like you're not perfect enough and that he might leave you for someone else. This is why you are protective. On the other hand, you don't want your protectiveness to drive him away. In your eyes, right now, it seems like a lose/lose situation. What you need to remember is that he married you for a reason. He loves you and thinks you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world. 7 years is a long time, and you've got a lot more time ahead of you. Explain to him how you are only protective because you love him and don't want him to leave youandmaybe try to work on trusting him a little more. Remember, of all the girls in the whole world, he picked you. He does love you and this love will keep him from ever straying

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    • Wow! You give me hope that there are still good people out there. You have such kind, truthful advice, and from such a young person. Thank you for your comment :-)

  • have you tried going to a shrink
    its normal to feel the way you are after 3 kids and most women have it in them, the urge to keep their husband to themselves, couples therapy is a good idea but you can also go for separate sessions

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  • Hey, I'm sorry about that, I only dated my girl for a year and leaving her feels like I'm being ripped in two, so you honestly have my full empathy right now because I can't imagine the pain you're going through, I wish I could help more

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  • If he broke trust by cheating, you have a right to be concerned, especially if it was with one of his old friends. That said, if they are hot you must know that he still chose you to marry. There is more than looks, which ironically you may be messing up. if he cheated he needs to help find a solution that works for you. In the end though, you need to decide to trust him one more time or leave.

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  • People only consider alternative options to replace their already existing and established relationships if the given person provides so much more that it is worth disassembling the current relation and establish another one in place of it.

    By being ""insecure"" although the proper terms would be territorial, controlling and possessive; you are reducing your effective worth by keeping your partner from establishing social relations, mostly through punishment in form of psychological pressure.

    Therefore, you are just making the other person look for an alternative in order to avoid the bitching, in simple terms. Which is exactly what you didn't want.

    So maybe it's just easier to be a good person who doesn't torment their partner if they try to establish social relations. People cheat or leave only with a reason, after all. Why be the one who provides that reason?

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  • If you're already in the mental place where you're prepared to let the marriage go, then what is the possible fear of letting him have female friends? That he'll leave you for one of them?

    But you're already prepared to let him go, and there is no other girl in the picture even.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Because you have not truly let go of thr past.
    I am not sure about thr actual detail why u have such issues. Usually it occur when the partner has done something wrong since he didn't then u need to work on your esteem. Never compare yourself with others it will always bring misery.

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  • You've had three children. I'm not sure what more to expect. If you know you're not ugly AND your husband is married to you, I don't see what the issue is. If he was going to cheat, he would have already rather than him being truthful to you about wanting to have female friends.
    Sounds like you've lost confidence in yourself. If that's the case, do something about it. Rather than losing a husband and watching your kids suffer, focus on getting the body type you want. That'll make you satisfied with yourself. turn your negative into a positive. Otherwise, you'll lose a husband & most likely suffer in future relationship because you're not confident in your own skin. Others around you will suffer.

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  • It's all your fault? LMAO... Just let him go if you can not trust him. Your intuition is telling you that he is not to be trusted, so don't trust him. Break it off with him and move on to BIGGER and better things, :)

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