How to get over anger toward brother-in-law?

6 months ago my brother in law left my sister and moved out. She was stuck taking care of their 6 year old boy by herself. After about a month she got so overwhelmed and she went off the deep end and started spending copius amounts of money, going to bars and hooking up with random guys all in an effort to make herself feel better. She moved out of the house and let her husband move back in to take care of their son. Through Facebook she found out that her husband had a girlfriend and they had been together for over a year. Which means he was screwing his mistress 10 months before he left my sister. He filed for divorce and because of my sister' s breakdown, she lost her job, got a dui, and was involuutary put in a mental institution for a few days. She is bipolar. Now my sister has no money, no job, no friends and living with our parents. She also only gets to see her son on the weekends. My brother in law is having the time of his life and just got back from the Bahamas where he took his mistress. Plus his son told us that his daddy wants to him to call his mistress "mommy". I HATE him and his slut and I can't get over it. My sister is devastated and my brother in law is living it up and moved on. In my head I come up with ways I could hurt him and his whore and fantasized on ways to make them as miserable as they have made my sister. I know who his mistress is and where she works so I could realistically do something to her but don't want to make things worse for my sister in the on going divorce. So how can I get over the anger I feel?
Yes I am siding with my sister, because she didn't have a break down until she found out he had been cheating while he claimed to love her. Did I mention this his 3rd divorce , my sister's first. I should have known was a loser to begin with. My nephew is confused and cries to his mom saying he doesn't want a new mommy. Yes my sister isn't innocent in all of this but my brother in law decided to move on before telling his wife. Karma will catch up with him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of these 'cheating male' stories sound horrid. The guy comes across as illogical and thoughtless. As a kid, I felt the same way about my dad...

    On growing up, I know better and see the other side of the story.

    It's usually something like this (ask just about any guy):

    1. Girl falls for guy.
    2. Gives him great sex, she can't seem to have enough.
    3. He falls for her, is willing to sacrifice and do what she wants.
    4. They get into a relationship, or marry.
    5. They have kids (which accelerates the crisis).
    6. She loses interest in sex.
    7. The sex tap dries up.
    8. He finds it elsewhere.

    I think sex is a crucial part of a relationship/marriage, but many are not willing to acknowledge this. This is where most of the problems start, when the wife/girlfriend starts to think she's caught a guy, and is not obliged to bother too much about sex.

    (Actually, she can't help it. Because women are also made that way and tend to lose their interest in a long-term partner. Some very good explanations of the two-year-itch and women!)


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're telling one side of the story, I'm sure if your brother-in-law could tell his it would be different. You are siding with your sister, because she's your sister, you're not looking at the situation without bias. The first thing that is more important than anything is your nephew, hopefully your brother -in-law is taking good care of him, since your sister cannot. Your sister screwed up big time, by caring more about going out to bars and screwing random guys, than taking care of her son, you can't blame your brother-in-law for that. You are blaming everything on your brother-in-law and that's not fair, he isn't 100% to blame, he is 50% to blame. Your sister is just as much to blame. Their marriage is over, your brother-in-law has your nephew, so you need to keep your feelings to yourself about your brother-in-law, and never talk poorly about him in front of his son. Your sister's marriage is really none of your business tbh, just help her move on, it's clearly over between them.


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What Guys Said 1

  • So she's a crazy and he left her. Sounds like you should be happy for him.


What Girls Said 1

  • You have to let it go and move on. He did your sister dirty but she has to take responsibility for her behavior and actions. Be sure in time he will pay for his transgressions whether you are there to see it or not. You need to focus on helping your sister pull herself out of the mess she created and dget her act together to be better for herself and your nephew. He is no longer a factor just a speed bump.


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