Girlfrend has been cold and distant for about a month, she's stopped replying to texts for the past couple days, should I break up with her over text?

Ok so basically me and my gf have been together for around 2 months, it was amazing for the first month and the 2nd month has been rocky. She's been really distant while we would talk everyday all day, now she makes excuses to not take calls, takes hours to reply, never texts me first to see how i am so it's a big change. I thought it was all in my head until i saw her a week ago, i haven't seen her for the past month well only once as we live in different cities, but when i saw her she validated everything completely cold and distant barely spoke to me, lay on the other side of the bed etc, i was staying at her parents house with her so i didn't want to bring anything up and possibly break up right there and then so i left it.

Since that though she's got even worse, she doesn't reply for days now, she didn't reply for like 2 days then gave me an excuse like her phone didn't send the messages etc then proceeded to not reply to my reply for another 3 days, i haven't messaged her since that i mean the message is pretty clear right? Before all this distance she used to say she's scared i'm going to be a rebound from her last relationship as we got together pretty soon after they broke up. She told me she wants to take the relationship day by day and she thinks about being alone on a daily basis as she's not ready for a relationship, says she has a lot of anger from her past relationship that she needs to let out etc.

Anyway it sucks but i'm pretty much over it, this is all well and good and valid feelings if she communicated properly with me and we ended it in amicable way but all this distance and coldness is just annoying. Anyway what should i do she hasn't replied for 3 days do i wait for possibly a week until she replies? I plan to call her maybe tomorrow ask her why she's being distant and hopefully she will open up and we can talk, if she ignores that and hasn't replied in like a week i'm just going to say i haven't heard from you in a week... CONTINUED...
.. and you've been ignoring calls and texts so i'm gunna assume this relationship is over, call me if you wanna talk but if not i'll see you around". What do you think of me doing this, initially i wanted to meet up face to face and talk but as she's not even responding i'm not even sure if that will ever happen. Do you think it's too harsh, i mean if she doesn't take my calls and texts i'm not exactly going to wait for weeks on end i'm just going to have to end it and move on. What do you think


Most Helpful Girl

  • Before you do anything, you should talk to her. From your post, it doesn't seem like you ever actually asked her why she takes so long to reply, or why she seems so distant, or why she seems to have lost interest. I think that ideally you should do that in person, but since you say you live in different cities and it seems unlikely you will get together soon, you should call her. Don't send a message. Call.

    It's possible that she has realised that she isn't over her ex; she may be confused right now; she may need more time or she may just want to take things slowly. But you won't know what she's thinking and how she's feeling until you have a proper conversation. You shouldn't go on just assumptions.

    • Thanks so much your totally right i think that's the problem right there i haven't even asked her why she's distant and cold i've just gone of assumptions like she could be acting like that for loads of reasons i won't really know until i call her.

      Your right i won't text her i'll call and just talk to her, no point in ending things with all these questions unanswered uno i might aswell get to the bottom of it so i can properly move on, thanks a lot for the advice it's really helped breaking up over text would have been a big mistake

    • I'm glad I could be of help. It's always best to find out what's really going on before jumping to conclusions. Good luck!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Its to harsh to break up with her if you don't know the reason she's being so distant let alone if you barely know the gal give it some time and be patient. Communicate with her as often as you can let her know that you'll be there for her and if there's no intimacy no communication whats point of being with her.

    • You reckon i should just be direct and straight up and ask her why she's being distant etc because i haven't really asked that i'm just going of assumptions.

    • Yeah communicate but dont pressure her be reasonable and get a little intimate cuddle with her play with her make her laugh make her smile make her feel special.

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What Girls Said 5

  • why don't you just talk to her first...
    may be she is having some problems in her own life...
    you need to talk to her... communicate how you feel and than decide that you should leave or not...
    and by the way, breaking up on phone is not a proper way to do...
    u won't earn any respect for doing that...

    • Yeah yeah true thing is she suffers from depression, she takes pills for it etc i've tried to be there for her as much as i can i'm always looking out for her giving her someone to talk to and open up to, i mean she's told me before because of her depression she didn't think she would be in a relationship as all of her previous ex's never really cared or dismissed her depression.

      Anyway regardless of this though it's still not ok for her to be ignoring texts and being distant like this though, i'm trying to help uno the least she can do is reply so we can at least talk.

      Yeah your right i won't do that i'll ring her if she doesn't reply i'll text her if after that i get nothing for a couple days i'll just assume it's over and move on

    • oh! the depression... that sucks dear
      ok.. let me explain this to you... lets say you got a fever, head ache, sore throat... and your phone rings... would you like to chat than? about latest movie, about how things are going on in your neighbour or in your love life?
      depression is sickness... and she is like in a cave right now...
      may be she comes out of this, or may be she won't... telling her that you are breaking up would make the life worse for her... and as a human you don't want that.. right?
      your feelings for her are already fading i guess... so just don't kill the relationship... let it die naturally...
      it will hurt least.. for both of u..

  • Call her and straight up say that if something doesn't change you're ready to move on. Even if she sends you to voicemail she'll hear that eventually and hopefully call so you have a chance to figure out wtf her deal is. Don't break up over text though.. That's kind of a ehhhh sort of thing to do and you are better than that!

    • Yeah thanks a lot i appreciate that, breaking up over text is a bit crap tbh i'll just ring her and chat if she doesn't pick up i'll text her straight up what's going on why is she being distant etc and i'm ready to move on if things don't change, if she doesn't reply i'll just assume it's over and move on.

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    • Yeah your totally right, no point in me not be direct and up front i mean i'm complaining that she isn't being direct lol i'll give her a ring today and hopefully this will be resolved

    • Woooo!! WTG! You can do it!

  • Honestly I only read the question and the first paragraph sounds like a whole bunch of whining to me bc reality didn't quite catch up to your idealism. It's only been two months so you don't really know her, she could be depressed about something. That's just how she might operate in relationships and guards herself. So much need for attention. So needy you sound. Are you a flower or a person? I can't tell.
    Ask her what really going on. If she doesn't reply within a week then oh well both of you just say you're done.

    • Yeah she does suffer from depression, she told me it comes in waves and when it does she gets cold and distant but that doesn't mean this shxt is ok, i mean i plan to ask her what's up that's the whole point that's why I've been trying to contact her but she ain't even replying so ain't much i can do?

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    • Yup. Just communicate gentle, normal. How has she been feeling lately. Ask her how you can help or be there for her. Or what she tells you you may say you want to break up. Maybe you two make a deal to just be friends. Whatever the outcome be clear.

    • Yeah i'll talk to her i'll ask her how she's feelings how i can be there for her etc, if she wants to break up i'll say fine that's cool we can friends because i don't hate her or anything it just didn't work out no point in being arch enemies but it will be a clear answer no room for any doubt.

      Thanks a lot for your advice you have really helped

  • You confront her, see what reason she gives you... wait it out a couple more days, if nothing changes i would break up with her.

    • Thing is the whole plan was to do exactly that i mean i wanted to meet up with her face to face and just chat with her get to the bottom of it. Tbh she's been distant but i haven't even called her up on it, everytime she's distant she makes an excuse for not replying and eventhough i think it's a crap excuse i don't say anything.

      Maybe i need to be direct and ask her what's going on through text if she doesn't pick up calls and then maybe i'll get a response

  • I'd call her and have it out. Sounds like she isn't interested but can't be bothered to end the relationship. Speak with her of you can though, text is a terrible medium to try and convey emotion through and misunderstandings can escalate.

    Call her, see what she says and then either work hard at it (both of you) or call it a day. Sad, but probably for the best.

    • Thanks so much for the advice i realise that text is a terrible medium tbh i mean breaking up over text is kind of a weak way of ending a relationship because it's emotionless. I'll just call her and hopefully have a chat if not i'll text her asking what's going on if i don't get a reply i'll just assume it's over and move on

    • Sounds very wise to me. I wish you all the best :)

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