How do I stop thinking and obsessing over my ex I still love and what she's up to/doing? And thing like checking what's she is up to on social media?

My ex whom I still love, I still can't seem to stop thinking about. We ended on her terms and it was a graceful breakup. She wanted to be friends but i said I wasn't sure right now due to still loving her. So I said she can contact me when ever she likes because she wanted to keep in contact. I think it has a lot to do with missing having that special person as a partner and being in a relationship. Single life just isn't that great in comparison. It's only been a few weeks and I haven't been annoying her and haven't spoken in over a week. I just want to get on with my life stop obsessing over her and thinking of the worst that's she may be talking to someone new. I know it's early days but there must be better ways to cope. I don't expect to get over her anytime soon and who knows what the future holds we may be brought back together. But for now I just want the paranoid thoughts to subside. I'm starting to try talk to new girls to help get my mind off her but that seems to remind me if I don't get a response from them. any advice is greatly appreciated thank you!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Like you say, it's still early days so you shouldn't be too hard on yourself for still thinking about her. But then again, I totally understand that you want the paranoid thoughts gone. I think that not talking to her is a step in the right direction. Being friends with an ex can only happen once you're entirely over them (and at that point you generally no longer have an interest in being friends with them). I've tried being friends with an ex immediately after the break-up and it was very hard to move on and it took me ages. Cut all contact. Don't look her up on social media, and try to avoid places where you're likely to bump into her.

    Try to keep busy, be it with friends or with some hobby. I'm not sure if I'd recommend talking to other girls because 1. you're obviously not ready for something new and 2. as you say, it makes you feel down all over again when they don't respond. I just don't think it's good for you to put your happiness into other people's hands just yet.

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    • Yeah I agree early days is going to make it hard. I don't contact her unless she contacts me it's been a week now and haven't heard from get so il be keeping it like that unless she decides to contact me. Not having a job the last couple of weeks hasn't helped because I'm left thinking of her when I'm not out looking for work. Il be starting a new job next week which should help. Being friends yeah isn't a good idea so I tried my best to avoid that for now. I think what hurts most is that out break up partly had to do with unfortunate events so it wasn't like it was all either of our faults. Just miss her I guess. I'm coping pretty good considering I think. Yeah my thought was the same taking to girls wasn't a good idea unless it was just a friendly talk. I'm not looking for a rebound relationship or anything setups but maybe a one night fling or a coupe of hang outs would of done me good

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    • It's good you're starting a new job next week, it'll definitely help to take your mind off things. I think that even when she does contact you you shouldn't reply right away because it's going to make things so much harder for you if she is still in your life. I know it's tempting to remain in touch, especially when you feel that the break-up was due to unfortunate circumstances. Who knows, maybe one day you'll be back together. But for now, you need to get away from her.
      As for the fling: it always depends on the person. For some people it works; for others it makes things much harder. I've tried it after my last relationship ended: I found it really hard to move on so went out on a date with a guy. It ended in a one-night-stand (my first and last); I didn't really mean for it to be a one-night-stand as I genuinely thought we'd meet again. I didn't want a relationship, but also didn't expect it to turn into a one-night-stand. Anyway, I never saw him again and it made me feel worse.

    • Yeah I won't reply straight away but I still don't want ignore her either because I did say I would be there for her. Bit I have deleted her from social media sites to help myself stop looking her and checking what she's up to. I think these first few weeks are the hardest but once it's been a few months things will improve a lot more. I guess I just feel so slone and that unsure feeling of finding someone else and when it will be just makes me feel even more lonely. I'm doing my best to concentrate on myself and things seem to be slowly improving. Yeah one night stand I find May hell my situation but I don't want to be sleeping around sbs I don't want another relationship maybe a few new female friends would be nice though. Hardest thing when you sleep with someone is not to get attached that's another thing to be careful of too

Most Helpful Guy

  • #1 Go to a night club (Dress nicely)
    #2 Get a girl
    #3 Contact your ex
    #4 Ask her if she has a new bf
    - if she has a new bf arrange a double date and show her that your girl is better than her
    -if she doesn't send her a pic of you and your gf and that will make her jealous
    -WARNING!!! She will either come back to you or hate you for the rest of your life! 😊😊😊

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    • Hahaha not sure wether to take you seriously or not! Good read thought and thanks haha :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • Well she's not thinking of you so move on, talk to other girls, start dating :)

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  • I've been in your situation before and it took me like 2 years to get over that person. Don't push yourself to start dating immediately, take your time, but do go out and enjoy yourself, listen to some music and even if people will tell you to stop checking on her via social media, you will still do it, cause you're hurting and not completely over her. It is not as easy as it sounds but you will need to stop checking on her, it will drive you insane, I did that back then and today I can kick myself for obsessing over someone who was not worth it at all. Healing takes time and there's a saying that goes ''When you can't remember why you were hurt, that's when you're healed''. Good Luck!

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