Should I go visit him?

Okay so me an my ex husband was together for a long time then got a divorce because we grew apart. Last year I was in a really bad place and out of no where he showed up and was talking about us getting back together but because I was in such a bad way it didn't work out. However since then I have gotten my life a little together and kinda wish i would have taken the chance to fix something that i had offten wondered how it could have been diffrent but until today i didn't know where he was. Now that I know where he is and how to contact him I can't help but wonder if i should go see him or not.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I would and take things slow, you and he broke up for a reason or reasons, and not all of it was your fault or his, try and see the situation from an objective point of view and commit to making things as well as yourselves better. Getting back together just because you two maybe lonely or think you made a mistake by being apart may not lead to something long term especially if the same challenges are still there on either side. Hope this helps. :)

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    • Thank you, that helps a lot. I know that we both are to blame in why our marriage ended. I just have accepted that throughout my addiction I have hurt people I care about. He is in jail now, should I just show up at a visit, write and wait for a response or what?

    • Before you make any promises of recommitment, consider that after he gets out, what he does with his life. You may love him and he may love you, however both of you still need to recover and you could do so together, however not without a plan in place, consequences for each others actions, be it breakup or separation permanently if either of you are not fully committed 100% to recovery, that includes all your vices that got both of you to be in those dark places to begin with. You seem to be doing fine with recovery, and if he recovers on his own with or without you is something to be considered. Both of you will have to be responsible to yourselves first and foremost then to each other in supporting recovery, relapse for each of you whether it's legal or drug and alcohol related is possible, abstinence is a must. If you lay down the neutral contact with him, keeping your wits about you, before getting emotionally connected it is possible to reconnect on solid terms. So yes I would

    • visit him that would be a start, also you can write him, without promises of any kind from either of you, it has to be a we'll see how it works out, none of the I miss you's, I'm so lost without you, kind of sweeping each other off their feet kind of talk, I'm talking about adult relations, transparency and candid truth, no more B. S. and if both of you agree on these terms then why not, and each infraction has to be consequential, no anxious attachment issues, it has to be mature love for it to work.

What Girls Said 1

  • Sure. I would call him or soemthing and ask him to lunch/dinner at a palce he likes and say it's on you. If you want to try again with him you should let him know and respect his decision if he doesn't feel the same.

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