Trying to let go, but finding it difficult... How can I make it more successful so I can move on?

What is the quickest way to let go and move on after you've been dumped?

It's been a little over a month since i was dumped by a girl i really liked, and although i'm trying to let go, i'm finding it incredibly difficult.

Days will go by when i won't be thinking about it and life is great, then all of a sudden, i'm in bed and thinking about where things went wrong (which was all my fault, btw) and i am quickly finding my mood change. I keep saying to myself, "let go" and even take in 10 deep breaths with the goal of "letting go" on the last one.

I've even written a letter to her, that I will never read give to her, saying all that is on my mind about the whole thing. I'm trying to feel the pain, but something is blocking it, and all this stuff in the attempt to let her go so i can move on to better pastures and meet someone better. But it ain't working, i'm still thinking of her from time to time. I'm still watching to see if she is stalking me on Facebook... I'm still waiting for her to reach out to me so i can ask her out again. Which i want to stop, otherwise it will never happen.

How can i let go? What are ways that you have implementing in helping you let go of relationships that didn't work out?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Omg, honestly, don't be desperate! It's not the end of the world. I mean, I get it that you love her so much and its so hard letting go, but hate to break it to you, she's not. I guess it's not meant to be.. You can't just stick to 1 girl. There are tons of other girls out there! When you have broken up with someone, you really had no choice other than letting go. I mean, you'll forget her eventually, you'll find someone new and so much better, becauce you deserve better. So talk to your families, your friends, go to the bar, make a bucket list, do something. Dont just sit and think all about the stuffs you went wrong, because that'll make things worse. You can't think of the mistakes you've made, because you've already made it. It's all in your past, there's no way of changing it. I mean you really can't fix your mistakes, its just impossible... So do something fast

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    • Well, i'm not desperate about her, and i want to move on, because there are other opportunites i'm missing by being stuck in my head about it. I WANT to let her go. I don't care whether she comes back or not, i just want to let it go :) especially since it's been a month. I mean, i am already asking other girls out and what not, and like i said, it's only now and then that she pops up in my head and i realize i still haven't completely let go.

      I just don't know how to actually let go... how do some people do it? :)

    • Well honestly it's kinda impossible to move on only just a month haha. You may think people can move on so quickly, but it's not. Some people just put on their masks and act like it's normal, but they still care about their exes. They're just really good at pretending. They didn't really show how miserable they are to other people. So if you're asking people how to move on fast, its worthless bro. Because you really can't force your heart to let go of something. It takes time. And most people feel the same way. Trust me, I've been there, and I still think of him. Even though it's been like months.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Usually you need to set energy boundaries and cut chords.
    Failing that another woman, or drugs.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I can totally relate. I broke up a month ago as well (over the course of like three months), and it's been hell trying to work through it. I didn't want to let go at first, but then I realized I had no other choice. If you really want to move on, you have to cut all communication. No texting, no calls, no social media. In fact, it's best if you block/unfriend/remove her from all of your digital communication. Delete her number from your phone. Delete any messages or emails from her that you've saved. Trust me, I know how hard it is and I know it seems impossible, but it is the best thing. Total no contact. And if she tries to contact you, don't respond, at least not until you've given yourself time to heal. Don't worry about what she's doing. If she wants to come back, she will, but in the meantime, you have to focus on yourself. Try to be busy with friends, school, work, hobbies or whatever. Do something you've always thought about doing. Also it takes two to break up, so I'm sure it's not entirely your fault, unless you like cheated or something. She had faults too, and you have to focus on those instead of the good times. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the relationship, and learn from them. Writing the letter was good, I did that too, now go rip it into pieces or burn it. It's a physical symbol of letting go. As for the nights, all I can do is acknowledge and accept what I'm feeling. But that's when I'm glad I cut/blocked all communication with him. I can't send him any sad desperate texts that would end up making me look foolish. Desperate is never attractive. Instead I text a friend or I write it out. I think trying to accept things as they are than trying to force yourself to move past them is more productive. Just know that if she wanted to talk to you, she would. Don't wait for her to come back. And yes, it will take time. The first few weeks of no contact are really terrible, but it does get easier. Good luck! tl;dr No Contact, do stuff

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    • I've applied no contact, though i won't ignore her if she reaches out (because that is just plain rude and hurtful)

      however, it's especially tough because i see her at least once a week at work, and from this weekend i'll be working with her.

  • When she pops in ur head continue to think why it didn't work. .. All the lies, or b. s. ... or games, hurtful things she showed u, things she could of said... think of the reality of it all. Think of the reasons why you didn't go that extra mile... u said u created the b. s. it was ur fault, so keep that part in mind when she pops in ur head. Keep in mind the reasons why, it didn't work cause u didn't want it to.

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    • Thing is though, there was no bullshit... Just no chemistry. She wanted to remain friends, but my interest in her was romantic so i declined the friendship leaving her the option to call if she changes her mind.

      Why i say it's my fault, is because i didn't understand how attraction works... I was shy, unsure of myself and kept pursuing her, acted like a friend more than a bf, and (no offence here) I pretty much acted like a woman. Where as in the beginning, i acted like a man, who was strong, in his center and confident. I was unbothered by whether she was interested in me or not, which caused her to have a high interest level in me at the start. But I changed because i got scared of losing her, and pushed HER away by being weak, though at the time i didn't realise it. My strength brought her closer, my weakness drove her away :)

      i don't hate her at all, and i will go back being sweet to her when i do see her. Treat her like everyone else.

    • Treating her like everyone else was the problem before... right? But, I do understand where ur coming from and ur right, Keep a healthy distance and before you know it she will be a thing from ur past.
      Good luck!

  • This is a difficult question to give an answer to. Completely getting over someone takes time. It sounds like you are in the process, but you have to be patient. Whenever you find yourself thinking about her try and distract your thoughts by doing something different. At night, before we fall asleep, that is always the time we start thinking, to avoid this, try reading a book until you fall asleep or something like that. It is normal to still think of her from time to time, as long as this is not all you're thinking about. It will get easier, just be patient.

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  • i was dumped by a guy who turns out was only trying to use me, and i think he's now with another girl who i have a feeling was there all along. i took it really bad, it's been 6 months and it's still on my mind. i've been overthinking so much that at this point i've overanalyzed my overanalysis! so i get how you feel. i also now that what i just described about myself is unhealthy, but the brain gets sucked into this cycle without realizing it, so be careful. plus i was always prone to overthinking anyway.

    i am now literally saying to myself accept, let go and move on. when i think about him, her or what happened, i repeat this to myself.

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