My estranged husband was abusive, left me and our kids high and dry while I was pregnant too, is he messed up or is it me?

My husband and I have been together since high school. We had our daughter our senior yr, I had thought everything with us was great and didn't notice all the times he called me fat and ugly in the beginning. We went away to college with our daughter, when he started using cocaine. I told him I was leaving and coming back home that I didn't want anything to do with that life and wanted to be a good parent to our daughter. We didn't hear from him for two years, in the mean time I finished nursing school and was really proud of how my daughter and I were moving on, it was lonely at times but we were ok. He ended up going to rehab and "changing" I thought all along I loved him and when he came back we started dating again and got married. We waited to have anymore children and then we had our son two years ago. While I was pregnant with our son he started this extreme yelling at me telling me I was ugly and fat. It escalated to him literally picking me up by the neck and slamming me into walls holding me by the neck choking me. It wasn't all the time but he would go through fits of rage. When our son was born it was better for a while but he would say I need to get to the gym and would literally make me go at 5am every morning for two hours. He started getting furious if I was around my family so I would sneak around to see my mom and dad. His abuse continued until he started cheating on me with girls from Facebook and tinder. I caught it an he came home punching me over an over in the face slamming my head into the ground. He picked me up and threw me outside so I ran to my neighbors to call the police. He was arrested and charged with felony demostic assault with intent to kill. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant again. I am now 8 months pregnant, the kids and I have left him but he will send me texts randomly from strange numbers with pictures of cows. He used to say I was a fat cow. Am I wrong to still have this hurt really bad and be so sad?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First remember this... he did not abandon only you... he walked away from his children. His actions towards you are a reflection of his inner feelings of himself in a way. He is a very unhappy person and he is taking his anger out on you... which is no excuse to treat any human being like that. If we, as a nation, treated the terrorists in prison the way that he is treating you, we would be deemed to be torturing them. Change your cell phone number so he can't text you any longer and if possible, move out of the area before he takes it to the next level and you and/or your children suffer a terrible fate. You can also file charges of intimidation against him with the police. Get over him... there are too many guys out there that would love to be with a woman that is wholly dedicated to them... and they will treat you like a Queen.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The thing is that we can't control our feelings. Of course, it would be better for you to be able to forget about him and not be hurt by what he's done and how things have turned out with him. I think it's easy for us to say that you shouldn't feel bad and be glad that you got rid of him, but the truth is that you have two (soon three) kids with this guy and you were with him since high school. So obviously he is a big part of your life and naturally it makes you sad, even if he is objectively an asshole. Even if deep down inside you know you're better off without him. I think what you need is time and you will see that it will hurt a little less as time goes on.

    One more word about the pictures of cows he sends to you: have you told the police about that? If not, you definitely should since he still harasses you despite the fact he was arrested and charged. You should document everything he sends to you end give it to the police.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You made the right decision to leave, be stron for your children. My parents weren't there for me, don't let something like what I went through be there life to.

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  • You are not wrong and he sounds like a real messed up guy. Sorry to hear this happened to you and none of it is your fault. None.

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What Girls Said 3

  • There is nothing right about him. The best thing you can do is treat it like the disaster it was; acknowledge that it happened, and move on. You are stronger for having survived it. He is too insecure to know how to love. Be strong for your babies. They deserve to be treated with love and respect, and so do you. Best of luck to you!

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  • Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.
    He was never there for you and your daughter during that time. Personally I would have kept it that way.

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  • Yes you are wrong for feeling and kind of feelings at all for a total fucking psychopath like him.. Sorry but it's the truth... Just forget about the cunt and heal your soul. You'll find you are much healthier without such a burden as him.

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