Broke up with my boyfriend and he doesn't seem to care?

first of all lemme say im not playing games here, we didn't break up i asked for a break with the condition that he shape up or i would leave him, his reaction was very casual so i asked him if he was going to date other people to see his response and he said id like to be alone for a while before moving on to the next one. wtf? we werent even broken up.

basically i feel like my boyfriend was only with me out of habit and because he can't get anyone else, he is 26 and single all his life before me because he can't talk to girls and is too submissive so when i came along it was great at first but i feel like he clung to me purely because i was the only one to take interest in him.

he is such a sweetheart most of the time which makes the whole thing worse cause people dont believe how he can be but he's forgotten 1 of my birthdays and the most recent one gave me the smallest happy birthday wish ever before treating it as a normal day (on par with quickly saying hi to someone you walk past).
we split up recently because i feel like he never makes an effort to change his biggest flaws and im the one who is constantly trying to be the best of who i am for him. i have a short temper and I've been working on that hard for the past 6 months, he goes silent for ages to every reply during arguments which fustrates me even more and makes me feel we can't communicate. he also only does things when i tell him, I've told him that i want him to want to make an effort not just do it for a day or two because i nagged him. :(

i got sick of it and gave him this choice and he admitted how he hadn't tried because he was lazy and didn't think i meant it so i felt i had to threaten him with me leaving to see a change but so far his reaction to it was casual and he hasn't spoken to me since to even fight for me or tell me he's working on changing. i feel like if you love someone and want to make it work you make that effort and im the only one doing that

Updates:
there's a lot more good and bad stuff leading up to this buy 2000 character limit and all

does he care? should i just move on or wait on the off chance he speaks to me again? i dont want to contact him first as ill feel like he thinks I've admitted defeat and will take him back without him having to change

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You deserve so much better. It sounds like deep down you know that but your emotions are clouding your confidence. He sounds like a loser who took you for granted. Yay to moving on!

    Would you look at my questions please? Thanks!

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    • Thanks for picking me as MHO!!!

    • yw :) thank you for the advice i decided to do what you said and move on!

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What Guys Said 4

  • You broke up with him for a reason. Perhaps this is one of the reasons, he doesn't really care that much about you.

    Move on and you will be better off without him!

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  • It is over I think you are just hurt that he stopped caring a long time ago. He isn't interested because he knows that you will try to control the situation and try to make him do something he doesn't want you to do.

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  • You set him up. shouldn't have asked that. Once you start events like this... what do you expect from him? to break down crying? no, he will go defensive, macho. there are better/easier ways to test or try to change someone, like communication and compromise. you seem to want him to adjust to you, what are you willing to do to adjust to HIM?
    You have admitted he's sweet so you still like him, so why make the decision to "take a break"? thats building a foundation for a break up in my experience. you started it, now if you want him back, fix it. YOU have to contact him first. If not, then stand by and watch him run to someone else... afterall, you did give him a boost.

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    • i compromise for him ALL THE TIME :s the past year I've put up with him being like this and tried to understand, the last few months its gotten to the point where i think im compromising over something i shouldn't have to. I've defeated my temper for him because he is submissive (never shouted at him he just knows i have one) i make an effort for every holiday for him, i buy him gifts and everything with nothing in return really. communication only works when we aren't talking about him changing, when its about happy conversations or he won't want to listen to it. I've compromised to the bone but he takes a mile with every inch given so i HAD to do this really its like my last resort :/ i didn't expect him to cry or whatever but i expected him to at least be shocked or show a reaction about not wanting to break up or say he would try to change.

    • Ok, I see what you are saying... but i do understand where its coming from. the compromise in this situation is simple. You have needs that aren't being met right? he has his too... if he doesn't meet yours, stop meeting his...
      not a healthy compromise, but then again, you seem a bit demanding... guys don't pay attention to half the stuff you are requesting. If he won't upgrade, you can downgrade...

  • just move on... end of one chapter and start of another

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What Girls Said 1

  • It kind of seems like the way his brain works is different. He seems like he lives his life in a sort of fog. He doesn't seem like a really sharp, alert person (no offence) and I don't think that will ever change much- I'm sure he could improve. But you would probably continue to be annoyed with him. Maybe he needs someone else who is in more of a fog so they could be happy together not really going anywhere or making any progress. I think you're just a different type of person, one who requires someone to be more aware of what's going on around them and maybe someone a little more intellectually/mentally/emotionally stimulating for you. You're young and there are a lot of people out there. I would say just learn from the experience and remember the good times and find someone who appreciates you and is a little more "with it".

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    • jesus christ i know this is an old question but I've only just logged back in after being away fro this site for a year and this is EXACTLY what he was like you absolutely nailed it. I've been broken up from him for almst a year now and i couldnt be happier but looking back at this question i feel like you should have gotten most helpful

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