How do you stop replaying everything and deal with questions that you will never get an answer to?

Without getting into too much detail, I just got out of a somewhat complicated 2 yr relationship. It lands somewhere between FWBs and a romantic relationship. Circumstances are such that we can't/don't have a future together even if we wanted one, and we both knew that going in, but I allowed myself to fall for him. He-- perhaps wisely-- was more reserved about his feelings, so I never really knew where he stood. Sometimes it seemed like he was totally in love with me, and other times like I was just his pal. I ended things in an angry conversation about 3 mos ago, which I regret. I tried a couple times to get him back (really I did all the wrong things), but he decided he wanted to look for someone he could actually have a future with. We've been NC for a month now.

Most days I'm fine. I've got enough going on in my life to keep me busy and I'm working on improving myself. I'm taking some classes and I lost about 20lbs. Despite that, there are times when he creeps into my mind and I replay everything that went right/wrong, and I try to make sense of everything he said/did. I know I'm over analyzing things, and trust me, I wish I knew how to stop. I really believed that he loved me back, even though he never said it. I guess it's just kind of killing me not knowing if what we had was real or if I projected/made it up/saw what I wanted to see. I don't want to break NC to ask him, and even if I did, I'm not sure if I'd get an entirely honest answer, if I got one at all. So how do I stop? How do I make peace with the unanswered questions? It's kind of keeping me from moving on, and I don't want to be stuck on someone who isn't stuck on me.

tl;dr Just answer the question in the title.


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What Guys Said 1

  • you don't... not entirely anyways. I might just be speaking for myself here but I went through a rough break up 2 years ago and I still have questions and thoughts about her go from my mind from time to time. I will say thought they do not cause me as much pain as they used to, and I don't have the thoughts as ofter as I used to, but they are still there. what has helped me is trying to keep myself busy, talking to other girls, and going out with friends often. it when I'm alone that my mind starts to wonder back to my ex.

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