He broke up with me and It was my fault. Why can't I just accep this?

I know this is my fault. I broke a huge promise and after 6 years of being together and raising a child, he left me and I can't get over it. I just want him to come back and I want my mistake to go away but he won't. I know what I did was wrong but I can't fix it and it's killing me everyday. I feel like I'm sinking slowly into a bottomless hole and I want to stay in bed all day hoping this is just a bad dream. I don't know what to do or how to fix this.
I was so childish in our relationship and I could never understand why I couldn't just express myself "normally". He would always tell me I'm not normal and that would always upset and cause me to react more negatively when all I wanted was just to be held.
I hurt him so many times but I always felt pain from and unloved and was so unhappy that I ended up, consciously, breaking my promise.
"This is what you want, now you have it" is what he told me. But it wasn't what I wanted, I just wanted him to understand my pain. So, for so many years I would always find some method to hurt him emotionally and it angers me because I couldn't just keep my mouth shut and accept it.
"You'll be fine, your always fine" is what he last told me, when he came for the lastif his things in our house. WHY? WHY DOES HE HAVE TO ADD SALT TO THE WOUND? I never wanted this...

I've tried begging him back and he won't come back... He says "I don't want to deal with this relationship anymore"
I tried so hard! SO HARD for 6 years to make him happy and all I did was hurt him! It's not fair...

I don't know what to do. Nothing is helping. And now when my son asks where he is, I can't tell him "he's not coming back". He's not his child, but he did raise him, so he won't visit him just because.

Sorry for my rambling. I didn't know where else to go.

Thank you for reading this.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It sounds more like equal fault. He does not sound like he was meeting your needs and throwing in you are not normal. I think it would be better to just look for someone who can meet your needs and your child's. It make take some time to get over this but remember your child needs you to.

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    • Thank you. I know that being happy over all is a better decision for my son and i. I've always told myself that i shouldn't be in a negative relationship because it doesn't help anyone in the end. I made a decision that i regret and to my ex, its pretty much all my fault. All i have ever done was hurt him, he says. I felt like i was never good enough, before making my mistake. He would always tell me, "i don't understand your logic for the things your choose to do". So when i was hurt, i would guard myself and be rude or argue with him over little things he did, like stay out with his friends until 6am. He expressed i shouldn't have issues with things he did like that because those were his friends and made sure to emphasis that he would always choose his friends over me. So for years, i kept as quite as possible when his friends came around.

  • What did you do?

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    • I promised i wouldn't reach out to someone i dated from the past. From being upset and unhappy for so long, me and this guy crossed paths on linked and i had casual conversation with him. I never had intent to pursue anything more than just casual conversation. But, excuses aside, i did break my promise to my ex and he would not forgive me. I knew it was wrong when i choose to contact that guy... so it was my fault.

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