Wanting to Divorce but Won't Because of the Kids?

I have been married to my husband for 7 years. We have a two year old together and he has two pre-teen boys from a previous marriage who live with us 24/7. Our marriage has been rocky from the start. He is a business owner and he's told me more than once that his kids and the business come before me. I help him with the business and it feels like we're just business partners. He's a control freak and very critical. He literally makes plans for me and then tells me after the fact. I have low self esteem anyway and living with him has only made it worse. He compares me to other women a lot (which I already do myself) and he tries to change who I am. I'm a mild mannered, soft spoken person by nature but he wants me to be this hardcore business woman. I have pushed myself to be more outgoing and talkative, but it's something that doesn't come easy because I'm very shy and self conscious. I'm honestly at my wits end and would leave him but I don't want to hurt the kids. His kids' mom walked out when they were little and I don't want to do that to them again and of course I don't want my toddler going through a custody battle. I'm just so depressed all of the time though and have been close to suicide a couple of times. I feel trapped in a loveless marriage and I just don't know what to do.
Updates:
Let me clarify, I have been suicidal because I got so low that I strongly wanted to die, but I didn't became of the kids. They are what has kept me going.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First, many people in a marriage gone bad feel the way your feeling - you are not alone. Get marriage counseling. If he won't go, then just go by yourself. You can work through doing what's best for you - repairing the marriage or finding a path forward as a single parent. Working at addressing the problem is not fun, and I've been there. It does get better, but you need to take action. The"getting started" part is hard. It gets better. *way* better! Don't lose hope!

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    • Thank you for the insight! That helped a lot! 😊

    • I'm glad. Do take action. I spent way too long not doing anything but feeling really bad. She refused counseling and I went. You will get through this and things will get better. Two years later I went from feeling as low as I could get to very happy and appreciative of the blessings I have found.

      Thanks for the MHO, too!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • i think divorce is better than suicide , if u decide to suicide than also your kids are left alone , i think you should get a divorce and have a fresh start with your new life.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Have you told your husband how unhappy you are, and why? Would he possibly be willing to change for you? Or at least for his kids? You have to make yourself and your happiness a priority, though. If you don't, no one else will.

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    • I have tried to. He thinks I'm overreacting. I've brought up marriage counseling and he said we don't need that. Basically, he thinks everything is fine even though I've told him how unhappy I am. I've cried more since I've been married to him than I have pretty much the rest of my life combined.

    • Here's what I would recommend: start living your life for YOU. Don't depend on him to make you happy. Do things on your own. Pursue what makes you truly happy. Pretend he's not even there. You're a grown woman, and he can only control or influence you if you let him. Start growing. If the marriage is what marriage is meant to be, it will grow with you. If it's not, you'll grow out of it. And either way, you will end up in a better place.

  • Staying with someone for the kids is ridiculous they will get over it. Lots of kids grow up in divorced households it's practically the normal now. It stupid you rather commit suicide , and leave your kids without a mom instead of being divorced don't you think that will hurt them worse? Especially when they grow up and think it's there fault if you did because you didn't want to hurt them.

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  • I have parents that have never gotten along very well. They have always been two people who live together and have children together. My mother cheated on my dad 11 years ago, but they are still together. The only reason they are together is because they didn't want us to get screwed up from having divorced parents, but honestly living with parents who don't love each other and having divorced parents will hurt them no matter what. Your husband sounds like a huge asshole and you should definitely divorce him. I think you will be happier without him and so will your children. You don't want them to grow up thinking a man can treat a women that way. You need to think about whats good for you and what will make you happy and he doesn't seem like he makes you happy. I think it is harder living with parents who don't love each other rather than divorced parents. The way your husband treats you is completely unacceptable.

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  • I'm so sad for you. I can't give any advice but I hope you'll get through all of this.

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