How can I help my ex boyfriend move on?

I left him roughly around a month and a half ago. He goes through a phase where he won't talk to me for 2 weeks and will come across as Mr Cool who is over me but then all of a sudden he'd switch up and act like we're friends and then he ALWAYS gets upset all over again when he realizes I'm not going back to him. It's like he attempts to start "no contact" but then relapses. I wouldn't say we have remained friends or anything. We literally have seen each other only once since the break up and we don't text back and forth often because I don't want to give him the wrong impression and I want him to move on. However he's the one always sending me texts and initiating things.

It's getting to a point where I feel ridiculously sorry for him. Last night at 10pm he sends me a text asking if we can just cuddle... I really just... I feel sorry for him and the fact that he's struggling to let go kills me so I want to know what I can do from my side to just help him.

Should I ignore him? Should I keep being friendly towards him but not overly friendly? What can I do?
To people saying I'm leading him on... read what I wrote.

I never initiate anything. I told him I'm not coming back MANY times.

He's the one who chooses to talk to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Stop contacting him.
    Maybe message him and say: 'It's clear you are not over me but it's time you move on. We are never going to get back together and I really care for you and think it would be best if we don't talk anymore so that you can properly get over me. I wish you all the best, I hope you find someone one day and take care'.
    I would then block his number, all social media contact, etc. Otherwise it's just going to keep going round in circles.

    • This is pretty good advice I think. At least then I have a chance to tell him why I'm ignoring him.

      Thank you for your insight. I'll consider it strongly :)

    • Show All
    • Thank you so much :)

    • This is perfect.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I think for his own good you need to explain to him that you are not going to get back with him (if there is no doubt in your mind that you will never get back with him) and block his contact details and by ignoring him and cutting him out of your life you are effectively forcing him to accept that the relationship is finished, there is no way to resurrect things and that he has to move on with his life.

    It is cruel but sometimes you must be cruel in order to be kind.

  • You guys broke up so I'm assuming your not getting back together. Why is it that you can move on but he can't? I would say you can keep friends but no more than that, asking for a cuddle means he really can't stop thinking about you. Hope this helps

    • Sorry I just re read the title and I feel I didn't answer the specific question. It shouldn't be you trying to help him move on, he needs to find a way to leave the past behind and look to the future. If this isn't possible maybe you can help him interact with friends or members of the opposite sex, I am strongly against online dating but maybe that could get him off your shoulders.

    • Thank you for the reply.
      I guess it hurts him more cause I left him which makes sense.

  • You want ignore him but when he sends you them emotional text

    it makes your heart sad in sort of way... even thou you just want say

    hell with this i am done with you forever... it happens and you keep telling

    your self just wish he lose my number.. but you know it's hard for him

    best thing is not say anything and be bold to say hey i can move on

    you know it will take you time to heal... be careful dating a new guy

    take baby steps at doing so.

  • You'll help him by not helping him YOU NEED TO CUT ALL TIES. By you being his friend you're giving him a false sense of hope. In a way you're leading him on. He's an ex for a reason after being intimate being friends is an impossibility as he obviously still has romantic feelings for you. He won't get over those feelings if he always has acces to you, what will happen when you move on to a new guy? It will crush him if he isn't over it. him being hot and cold is a horrible sign of instability as well. Please cut ties before this guy looses his mind.
    Sometime the best way to help someone feel better is them feeling really bad first.

    • But i don't understand... if I told him I'm not coming back then how can he get false hope? That doesn't make any sense to me -.-

      I don't see how I'm leading him on by simply answering when he asks me how I'm doing or asks me a question about my studies. I really just don't.

      am I supposed to not ever talk to him at all ever again? Should I tell him I'm cutting ties or just go away quietly?

    • Show All
    • Ah thank you. I understand what you mean now a lot better. Makes perfect sense.

    • Sorry it was unclear, I should of stated it differently. I hope it works out for you and that he finds his barrings and moves on.

  • You need to straight up with him... you had the balls to brake up with him, why don't you have the balls to tell him you don't want to be with him.

  • Ignore, because if you're friendly that's just gonna make everything worse

    • So even if he asks me how I'm doing or anything I should just not reply? Ever?

      Isn't that kind of cruel? I'm not used to being like that :/

  • I think it's incredibly disrespectful to ignore someone blatantly, unless of course it's totally necessary. The few times it has happened to me it really sucked. Fortunately most (if not probably all) of the people that did it eventually got a huge karma smack to the face so I felt a little better afterward not to mention I (thankfully) grew a lot from it and learned what to look out for in the future with [the wrong] people.

    Quite honestly it depends on what sort of person you want to be. If you want to be and attract the type of people that do that sort of thing I'd say go for it. But to me, loyalty and commitment counts for something and I stick by my word.

    If he is absolutely not the person you think you belong with I would continue to stand by your word and be there as a friend if he is willing to accept that. If he isn't then I would tell him you think it's better that you don't talk. But I think ignoring someone unless you absolute have to is unwise.

    Most of the (few) times I was ignored it was because of a misconception they had about me (that they never let me explain) or they wanted to move on to another guy. The times they (seemingly) left me for another guy it went very poorly and they realized their mistake later on.

    In either case I'll say this as nicely as I know how. It hurt at the time but as I later came to realize they were morons and I was better off. I say that not as a person who has been hurt but as a person that has clarity of the circumstance and is no longer blinded by infatuation.

    Last thing, I think I'm annoyed that I haven't figured out how to fully spot that type of person yet and deal with them appropriately.

    • Another thing, it'd be nice if we could group up the male and female ignorers together so they could live in whatever kind of warped Universe they live in where people who meant so much to you can so quickly mean nothing.

  • it should be killing for what you probably put him through

    • Well I've been dumped and rejected too so I know perfectly well what he's feeling but all the times I've been dumped I didn't crawl back all the time.. I let go. He's not doing the same which is why I'm asking for advice.

What Girls Said 2

  • You have to be cruel to be kind, by being nice you are giving him false hope and he may never get over the relationship. I feel for him but whilst he's clinging to hope he isn't making himself open to new experiences or new relationships.

    • But see I have made it pretty clear that I'm not coming back so I don't see how he can really interpret me replying to his messages as me wanting him again or giving him false hope :/

      Should I just not talk to him?

    • I honestly think its the best idea as he at the moment is fragile and will see any kindness as you still care and in a vulnerable mind you still love him. I went through a bad break up a few years ago and I was the fragile one not wanting to let go and I found that reciving even a "hello" tx would prove to me he thought of me and I still meant something to him when in reality he was just a nice guy saying "hi" and nothing more. He will get over it in time. 6weeks isn't that long.

  • Get one of your friends to hook up with him


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