We had dated for a year and had a truly amazing, loving, relationship. He's so sweet and respectful and caring and treated me so well. We were best friends and each other's first everything. We broke up a few days ago because his depression that he's been diagnosed with and in therapy for for about 8 months has gotten horrible. He had been pushing everyone away for a few weeks, including me, and he had a breakdown one night saying he couldn't do this and was so unhappy and stuff like that, so we went on a break. This was completely out of the blue. Just hours before we had been talking about how excited we were to see each other. A few days later we broke up. He said he couldn't feel his love for me and didn't know why. He was crying and shaking and said he isn't stable enough to continue the relationship and is unhappy with it even though he said he couldn't think of a single problem with us. My psychology professor said to not take it personally, it's the depression talking and not him, he's incapable of feeling those emotions right now. He said he would want to try to get back together once he gets better because im his best friend and wants me in his life. However, I texted him last night asking when I should come by today to get my stuff and talk and he didn't answer me but posted on Instagram and I found out he was high with his friends. I asked him months ago if he would smoke if we ever broke up and he said yes because it would hurt so much. Why is he ignoring me and being so cold, especially if he once felt his love so strongly and said he still sees me in his future and that there will never be anyone else? I'm so hurt and love him so much and don't want to move on. no one saw this coming, not even his friends. It was so out of no where and we were so in love before this depressive episode
- He's just depressed and trying to cope- he does love you he just can't feel it right nowVote A
- He's an assholeVote B
Most Helpful Guy
As someone with very bad depression myself I can attest that he sounds like a classic case. Also he is not manipulating you like the person below states, they have obviously never had depression and do not understand it. That is exactly how depression works you have no control over the on and off switches for happy and sad. We push people away to protect them or ourselves. We dont answer because of that and because we may not be able to focus on anything including noticing that we have messages. I loved my one ex but my depression drove her away. I hated the idea and was so annoyed at texting her at times i just wanted to be alone. But her voice always made me happy even if I was still sad I was happy to hear it.
You have a big choice to make here if you love him enough to learn to deal with this. Chances are even if he gets better it will strike again down the road. If you stay you just have to learn to and this sounds terrible but ignore his moods and his emotions. Just pretend to be there for him and know that he loves you even if it doesn't seem like it. You have to learn whats him and whats the depression and not get mad at him for the depressions actions. Think of them like 2 separate people in one body. But also be there for him and comfort him. Drive him and motivate him. Try your best to not let him dwell but understand every now and then he will need a little alone time to dwell and recharge. Compliment him often. If you can do all that call him and tell him that. Tell him you are not going to walk away and leave him alone. That his depression is not the same as him and that its him you love. Tell him all the things you love about him and that you will not walk away and give up on him. That you beleave in him. Than tell him that daily. If not stop text him sorry tell him its ok that he is depressed and that you still care but you can not talk to him for his own health. Then walk away and never text again. Making it a "on and off" thing will only3