Why do all my boyfriends dump me at the 4 month mark and why do they never try to get back with me?

Can I really be THAT bad!

0|1
2348

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes you can. ;)

    Maybe not, though.

    Perhaps it's partly the whole concept with "the honeymoon" period. People show their best selves generally for about 3-4 months. Then they "relax" and start showing more of themselves, and it isn't always so pleasant.

    They could be freaked out about the idea of some bad stuff coming to light that they've done, they could all just happen to meet girls they feel more compatible with at that time, they could be concerned about "moving to the next step" they might see something in you that you start doing after 3-4 months, they could be busy... or it could be any or all of these. I don't know.

    1|0
    0|0
    • She is married. Did you know that? She just has guys on the side

    • Show All
    • Why does the year matter? Are you trying to say "we're so evolved" because it's 2015? Cheating has been going on since the beginning of time (though it doesn't make it right, but I digress). Cheating was seen as fine for, say, royalty for ages. It doesn't make you modern and evolved to cheat.

      My comment was since you're cheating (we'll leave moral choices out of this for now), and if most of these guys know it and still continue to date you knowing this, then it is quite likely that they are not looking for anything serious. It is also quite likely that if they know you have two guys BESIDES them, and they're ok with that, then they probably have a couple of girls on the side too. Now, having one relationship can create a lot of drama, yes? Even the "easy" one on one relationships. Adding two or three guys on the side for you (juggling all that); let's assume the guy has some booty calls on the side, that multiplies the drama for a guy who probably hates drama (ie relationships).

    • Guys or girls who are into this lifestyle are probably going to be more likely to not want anything serious themselves. Now, that also means that they're probably hoooking up with other girls themselves... again... yes? They're getting sex for no relationship, I'm assuming, correct? Then if a woman creates ANY drama for too long, no guy who is involved in that life style would stick round. Sex and no obligation, vs sex and the drama of a relationship... hmmm. If they're hooking up with other girls, then that means they have options. So who's the least crazy? or the most fun? The least amount of drama? I wouldn't stick around for very long IF I were the type of guy who was into this sort of thing.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Look for any recurring themes between all of your relationships, are you possessive, overly jealous, clingy, say "i love you" too quickly? next best thing you can do is ask them, (and don't get offended with their answers, remember your asking someone for a truthful answer so even if you disagree or find it offensive, you asked to hear the truth)

    0|0
    0|0
    • I never ever ever said I loved them. They always said it to me.
      It's weird because it was always exactly a week after they said this that they get rid of me.

    • Show All
    • Actually she's apparently married.

    • I didn't love them

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 47

  • "OK, run that by me again?"
    "Yeah... husband's standing on the right side-"
    "Hmmph."
    "-and the boyfriend's standing on the left."
    "Hmmph. One more time?"
    "Husband... boyfriend."
    "Ah. I think I see the problem here."

    0|3
    0|0
    • I have two boyfriends lol

  • I disagree with the whole Einstein saying that if you're doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, that's the definition of "insanity", IN THIS CONTEXT.

    That's a great saying, but dating and romantic relationships seem to be different beasts in and of themselves from most other things.

    It's more luck-based, in that you just have to keep going through an indefinite number of minor or major heartbreaks to find the one that you are meant for.

    People and relationships are like snowflakes. No two are the same. That's why it's a mistake to try to conform to "dating ideals", or start making significant changes to yourself THAT YOU OTHERWISE WOULDN'T MAKE in attempt to improve your chances. Self-improve, but don't try to act like the perfect "dater" if you know what I mean.

    For example, for one couple what's considered clingy may be considered too distant for another.

    Some couples are married within a year; others aren't even romantically exclusive by that mark.

    Some say, "I love you," very soon and it's all reciprocated and good; others are very cautious about that phrase.

    To some, religion is very important: for others, it's a non-issue.

    Preferences in physical traits vary as well, as well as preferences in bed, and really, preferences in general vary.

    All you're trying to do is find the one with whom you're compatible in all necessary ways and/or can work with to be compatible.

    For some, it's a long journey to find the one. Others marry their high school significant other.

    I'd say: keep improving yourself IN WAYS YOU WANT TO (become the person you want to be and dream of being) and use the lessons you learn from each failed experience (and these lessons vary for different people which is why you can't really learn this stuff out of a book) in order to increase your odds of finding the one you'll spend the rest of your life with sooner.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Maybe the sex is just not exciting anymore? You did everything mostly already? Maybe try to keep it sicey around 4 months in and offer suggestions of doing some new positions that may Rick his world. No more missionary bla bla sex. Sit on his face and grind as hard as y can asking him if he likes your sweet juice then tell him you want to feel his big load in you. Offer up his choice of holes. Tha has him sticking around longer. B4 u know it , marriage , kids and baby carriages

    0|1
    1|0
  • Ahh nope... the 4 month rule. It is just the guys you are dating... you need to change up your "type" slightly.

    The rule is for most players... you don't outstay your welcome, a few months they get into your pants and have enough then move on! It is about this time duration that women come out with we should be seeing each other exclusively. So they get familiar with the time limit!

    1|1
    0|0
  • Maybe they feel like you are not reciprocating, although technically we don't know you enough to properly tell.

    0|2
    0|0
    • I don't give my heart out easily. Have been messed about in the past so I don't really see the point.

    • Show All
    • She could be divorced, guys.

    • lol true

  • Never make someone pay for what another person has done to you, in your case past relationships have nothing to do with current ones. For any guy this is an alarm bell, it shows you have issues you have not got over yet.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Deal breakers:
    Boring and too traditional in bed
    Laziness (first two kind of hand and hand)
    Over critical (dwells on negatives and disregards positives)
    Expecting more than you are willing to give
    Emotionally selfish

    I'm not saying you are any of these... But these are reasons I left many behind.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think we need more info to answer either of those questions. Do you have any ideas why this might be happening? How often and how many times has it happened?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Try introspecting , if there is something wrong you are doing.

    No!!! You are not Bad. You are awesome & Unique.

    there something that maybe turning them off , or you maybe not their type.

    0|0
    0|0
  • They are looking for a mate for marriage and four months is long enough to figure that out for some people.

    0|0
    0|1
    • Considering she already has a mate to whom she's married...

    • Show All
    • @queenofarticfoxes no, I didn't know that. Some people huh. Disgusting.

    • You are all so 1920'a lol

  • Stop looking at what you think you may be doing wrong and start listening to the context of your relationships.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Need more info to answer this question.

    What happens to you at 4 months? Is that when you start farting a lot in front of them? If so maybe that's why?

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's around the time when a women will get clingy. So you evaluate if they like the way your acting now along with how much worse it might get in the future and them not trying to get back is because what ever caused them to leave scared them away.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I doubt you can be that bad, so why do you scare them? Guys hate commitment early on, if pushed they run. I speak from experience..

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1. maybe they werent looking for something serious.
    2. maybe they were but after some time they thot to themselves dat its not worth it. (which means there's something which u do nd they dont like, maybe u expect too much, maybe u make them feel bas for themselves, nd like u said in one of the opinions below dat u told a guy he wasn't better then ur husband was.. like comon ur never supposed to say this , dat hurts. with what face do u expect him to put up with it, so he went like fine, if m not gud enuf i all probably go.)
    so yes u can work a little on ur self, be more clearer on what u expect from other guys , make them feel better, nd they shoudnt leave u.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You know you haven't given enough information...

    But just tell you ego and hiding things tend to destroy every relationship

    0|0
    0|0
  • they just get bored of u. I should know, my girls dump me at around 5 months every damn time. lol but whatever I at least had some fun with them before we broke up

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well from what I have seen below you seem a bit closed off, nobody wants a one sided relationship where they are making the effort but the other person doesn't seem interested. I don't have enough information to say if you are like this, just saying its a possibility from what I have seen you say so far.

    I've been hurt a few times myself, it isn't pleasant I realize, love leaves people vulnerable. There needs to be trust, reciprocation, and communication. Having the same expectations and at least some similar interests doesn't hurt either.

    In the end if you want to take that risk or not it up to you, and if I am totally off the mark I apologize.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No info to make decision , I learned way back never assume anything

    0|0
    0|0
  • Either there's something off with you, or you need to pick better men for you. Sometimes what we're attracted to most isn't necessarily what's best for us.

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    27

What Girls Said 22

  • I don't think your "that bad" but I see where you said " I don't give my heart out easily. Have been messed about in the past so I don't really see the point". After four months most relationships are making a change for the heart if it hasn't already happened. If a person is in a relationship that long (though its not really a long time) they are usually wanting things to advice further. Maybe your bringing your past along so your not willing to give it a try? I hear folks say so many times that they have been hurt in the past so they don't trust anybody. Well, most people have been hurt or will be. It's a fact of life. If we could all step out the door and meet the "person" than dating wouldn't be necessary. ANY relationship is a 50/50 crap shoot!! If your wanting to play the game you have to be willing to take the chance. If not... friends are what you need to be satisfied with, or one night stands. Don't penalize the next guy with what the last guy did. There are good men out there. Lots of them, but EVERYBODY meets their share of bad ones through life. Hurt does suck, but if you never experienced the hurt would you appreciate the love? Only you can decide if you want to roll the dice. Millions of us have (both female and male) and though we've lost the bet a lot of times we've won too and the win is well worth the risk. :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honey all I can say is that if someone is willing to walk out of your life, you don't need them. I would suggest just keep on dating guys. Try dating or talking to different types of guys and expand your horizons. Eventually, you will find someone so worth it. Good luck :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am sorry you are feeling down about yourself honey. Be glad, they didn't lead you on for more than 4 months if they don't plan on marrying you. Doesn't matter what their reasons are, they are not the one for you, no need to feel down about it, its better than being jolted at the alter after dating for a decade right?

    0|0
    0|0
  • 4 months is about the time guys start thinking about where things are really going if they have any doubts at all they will bail before things get too serious. It might be that you are dating guys who just aren't ready to get serious with anyone. Most of the guy I have dated (if they break up with me) don't try to get back with me either, so I don't think that says anything bad about you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Usually around the 3-4 month mark is where guys think of whether they want to be serious with you or not. So they either stick with you or they dump you and move onto someone who they think is better. You never know.. sometimes it takes months or years for guys to reconsider getting back with an ex.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe they are looking to settle down and not play games anymore. If you're not in it (with all of your heart) and it's been 4 months, they're ready to move on.
    You're right in assuming you're at fault - since you're the only common denominator (as far as we know)...
    Nevertheless, be positive, take chances, see what happens. If you just do the same thing over and over again and keep expecting different results - that, according to Einstein, is the definition of insanity.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Have you ever stopped to think that maybe it's not you? Maybe you just have a crummy taste in men-- ?

    0|0
    0|0
  • usually the stage where girls get clingy and i love you never leave me.. ok that's exaggeration but you get my point. either that or you were pretending to be someone else and they didn't realize it until 4 months in.

    0|0
    0|0
  • One day somebody will walk into your life and will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Before you start thinking "what's wrong with me?", you should take a look at the commonalities these guys have that makes you migrate towards them. Maybe they are guys that aren't ready for commitment, maybe they are players, maybe they have a lot of baggage and they can't handle stress very well. You have to evaluate all the situations that you've been in. After about 3 or 4 months, the true colours of someone starts to become more apparent and that has nothing to do with you or your character. I'm in a similar situation as you and when I look back, I realize that none of the guys that dumped me even deserve me because of their douchey personality.

    1|0
    0|0
  • There is a reason why every man you date does this. Take a good look at yourself and figure out what you are doing in every relationship that may cause this. Write a list, deep think and change it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Probably only you can answer that question.
    You do sound pretty unhappy.
    that's a downer for anyone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is not any information here. Every person is different.. so knowing how long you have been in the relationship doesn't really tell us anything

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe but maybe u just need to find better guys who blow ure mind 😏

    0|0
    0|0
  • Here is a good book to read that will make men beg. "Why Men Love Bitches"

    0|0
    0|0
  • maybe you are that good.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Had you slept with them?

    0|0
    0|0
  • From what I read your married so why the hell would someone want to stick around when they are second best... you dont deserve your husband and if you are separated all i got to say is i would tell you to jog on if you told me some other guy was better in the sack... there is a time and a place to say things and saying that to your man your seeing isn't the right place. Maybe you should learn how to socially interact with others before getting into another relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • She's just looking for someone to knock the dust off that pussy 😂

    0|0
    0|0
  • Are you a fake person? Are you disloyal? Are you superficial? Those things get annoying over time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    2

Recommended myTakes

Loading...