Never done this before but I need help understanding this girl. Long story short I met a girl that I hated at first but after a year became friends?

This girl was married for 11 years after she divorced her husband we became friends and eventually fell in love. I was the best boyfriend she ever had her husband and all her boyfriends she ever had hit her and cheated on her a lot. 6 months into our relationship she was forced to move away because she lost custody of her kids to her mother because she couldn't support them and neither could I so she moved and after 6 months of living there she left me for a 19 year old (she was 28 I was 24) she was suppose to live there for awhile and then move back after saving some money or I finished college I told her he only wanted in her pants but she got with him anyway I was crushed and as I predicted he is a jerk too, he has cheated 3 times, once while she was In the hospital and I was there visiting her he never went once he spent the time away from her hanging out with this other girl who he cheated with. I asked for her back when she called me crying about it but she refused and went back to him after she got out and told me we couldn't be friends anymore after all I did for her, I did so much for her to much stuff for me to list.
She is still with this jerk and says we can't be friends but she refuses to give me back my promise ring I gave her, why? she wants nothing to do with me so why does she want it (it has our names on it) and I have done so much for her givin her money to pay her bills I bought her a car so she could visit her kids ( she is a high school drop out and has never had any money) I have always had her back why did she betray me for this prick and why won't she leave him when he treats her so bad and I treat her so well. she won't talk to me out of respect for him she says she can't talk to her ex because he doesn't like it but he talks to all these other girls. I can't seem to move on I love her and can't forget her or let her go. her life would be so much better with me and she has done nothing but struggle since she left me but she swears she's ok
Can any women explain why she wants nothing to do with me but wants to keep the ring I would understand if it was a generic diamond ring but it has our names engraved in it along with our birth stones so she can't wear it after all she lives with this loser and I can't help but think that her refusal to give it back means she still has some feelings there for me but she says she's over me and won't speak to me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • At this point and time, it's no longer about what you did for her and why and when you did them, or what he did for her and when he did them. It's simply about what she wants, or should I say, who she wants to be with. She, unfortunately, wants to be with him.

    I know, I know, you feel betrayed. And I empathize with you. You've largely invested in her. And now for that, you feel somewhat entitled to be with her, to be in her life, to get the returns you believe are due to you. And thus, your pain over losing her, in that way, to that guy, of all people, seem fourfold.

    Therefor, to expedite your recovery time, I suggest you realize what your ex realized a while back. You and her, together, are incompatible at this time. And as hurtful as it is, you're better off without her. You want different things and have opposite needs. That's reality.

    If you put aside your feelings for her, I think you'll agree with me.

    Besides, you cannot save someone who does not want to be saved. Give yourself time to grieve, but my all means move on.

    She does want you

    • You absolutely nail how I feel but what I don't get is why is she not afraid of losing me I have been better to her than anyone else ever has, she herself has admitted that I am ten times better for her than him and that he sees me as a threat.

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    • I am not so sure about that, that you won't hear from her again. If and when her relationship with this dude ends... when he or any guy she dates leaves, mistreats or betrays her, you'll likely be the first thought that runs through her mind. Thus, eventually she may reach out to you.

    • This has already happened eveytime he has cheated she calls me crying about it and eveytime I have asked for her back and it just angers her and she goes right back to him saying he loves him but I know everyone will say I shouldn't ask for her back when this happens but I feel if I don't give her a way out she will stay with him but when I offer to give her a ride back home and a place to stay and possibly a boyfriend ( I know she is not capable of being single she will date and ax murderer before being alone) she get mad and stops talking to me the last time he betrayed her was 6 months ago when he was talking to a girl behind her back but the girl turned out to be under age and he got caught sending nude pics to her and is now in trouble with the law that's the only reason she found out about his intentions to cheat because he got arrested but she went right back to him and shut me out when I offered her a way to get away from him. I don't want her back but I still care for her.

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What Girls Said 1

  • She sounds troubled.. And you've wasted time with her.. When you could be with someone who deserves you. You sound like a good guy. She sounds likeshes full of drama and to boot a has dropout. For your sake.. Leave her be. Cut your losses and move forward with your life.

    • She is very troubled and has been since I met her but I was raised in a completely different world than her and I really believed I could save her but in stead she just ended up ruining me.

    • :( its important to remember that it is not your job to save her, sometimes people have to hit hard times to pick themselves up. It's in no way an easy lesson. Good luck to the both of you.

What Guys Said 3

  • It needs to be over. Walk away, never look back. The ring isn't worth your sanity. She is NOT the one for you. Hold out for someone who is a partner in life. One who treats you with respect and dignity and one who you treat the same. As to why? Good question and one you'll likely never know for sure but people participate in all sorts of self destructive behavior. This is about her being self destructive and not about you.

  • Good grief, she has probably pawned the darn ring! Tell yourself that and you should have no problem getting over her. Or just picture her with the 19 year old..

    • She did say she pawned it but then later told a mutual friend that she still has it but told him not to dare tell me.

  • She's totally unethical, and you deserve better. Just get rid of her thought, one way or the other.


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