Would you break up over this?

So you have a boyfriend. Everything is absolutely perfect. He loves you, you love him. He is considerate funny and gives you attention. You are loving attentive and are fun to talk to and be with.

Then one night, you come out of the shower and he tells you "you got a text from blabla.." You look at him funny. Blabla is a mutual friend of your friend but he doesn't know this. You don't say anything and brush it off. You head home that night after saying your lovings and head to sleep. About 1 hour into your sleep you are bombarbed with texts from your boyfriend. He says "we need to talk". Says, "We can talk about it in the morning." You have no idea what is going on.

The next morning you get a call from blabla. Blabla tells you that your boyfriend called him and asked him why he texted you... You feel shocked and violated and apologise profusely to blabla. You feel confused and angry at your boyfriend and text to meet him later.

You meet him at his house and he seems admittedly nervous. You sit down and talk for a while about why he called you last night. He beats around the bush and doesn't tell you that you he called blabla, you want hom to admit it but he won't.

You finally ask him if he called might have happened to call someone. He gets red in the face and starts stuttering. He lies and tells you that he never called anyone, he starts making things up. You finally tell him that blabla called and told you that he asked how blabla knows you.

You feel lied to and that your privacy has been invaded. You don't know what to think or say. He apologises profusely and says he made a mistake. You don't want to hear a word of it. You tell him you guys need to take a break and he needs to sort out his trust issues.

He is visibly upset but you know what you need to do. He gives you one last hug and kiss goodbye and you feel like you need to think things over.

The boyfriend in this story was me. Would you forgive or leave him forever?
  • Leave him
    Vote A
  • Forgive him
    Vote B
  • I have no idea
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
Ran out of space in the original question. I have been cheated on in the past and have never snooped before. My fear of being cheated on compelled me to do the things I did. I'm not saying it was justified, I'm just explaining why I did it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand that getting cheated on will leave some big trust issues. But you have to let that past shit go. Not every girl is the same, just as not every guy is the same. Give the new person in your life the benefit of the doubt, do not assume every guy a woman has contact with is competition. After all, she did have a life before meeting you and does have friends appart from you.
    She is (was) with you because she liked YOU, not any other dude. Get it?
    Neediness, insecurity and insane jealousy is very very unattractive. and it is a self fulfilling phrophecy.
    to get rid of this crazy behavior, is to understand that every person is free to be with who ever they decide to, for as long as it feels right. counts for you too. and that no snooping around will ever change something about that exept for chasing them real fast.

    The only way you will be able to fix this, is giving her some time, lets say a week, depending on how pissed she was. Then ask to have coffee to have a talk. Very calm, tell her you are so very sorry and explain to her, that you realized how nuts you behaved and that you feel really stupid about acting so insecure and controlling. Tell her your fear of past experiences blinded you into invading her privacy and that you are aware that this is a No No and that this past should not have been proyected on her. Tell her you love her and that you do in fact trust her completely and will work every day on letting go of this old baggage. If she does give you another chance, do not fuck up! everytime you get crazy feelings, count to 20 and think rationally about the consequences of your actions or words and then decide if saying something is even called for. Any issue you do have, talk directly to her about it, do not go around her back. You are not 12 anymore.

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    • You all gave me a lot of good advice. Thanks for giving me some hope guys.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 8

  • I'd forgive him. I would understand his past situations that could cause him to have slight trust issues. I would tell him that if he had any issues or questions to ask me instead of asking other people. Asking other individuals questions can cause you to get misleading information that could cause even worse problems.

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  • I'd be annoyed. Probably wouldn't break up with him but he'd be in the dog house on account of him being an idiot :p

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  • It depends... did you actually truly learn from it or are you just going to get worse and do it more and more if i forgive you and take you back? lol it's a tricky thing because 99% of the time in these situations it does get a lot worse... they get so poessesive that even 1 hour of unaccounted time they blow up your phone with texts and missed calls... because they are convinced your cheating and any guy friends we may have they start things up with them making us loose friends because we didn't nip it in the bud early enough... i just don't know... id honestly be scared that you didn't mean it and just got even worse.

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  • She should have understood that trust issues are serious and need to be attended to... you had every right to feel like something was up, and she had no right to turn this into a dealbreaker. If she had nothing to hide, she should have been more open about explaining who the message was from. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have turned the attention onto you and made you feel like you were in the wrong for being concerned. I think it shows you care a hell of a lot about being with her, and since you've been hurt before she should have approached it with much more understanding instead of putting a bunch of space between the two of you.

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  • Truthfully, it depends on the situation. There isn't enough info to know exactly what I would do for your situation. If you were being really needy all the time and showing signs of insecurity and this wasn't the first time that you did something like this... then yes, I would maybeee break up with you over that. However, if you normally don't do anything like that then I would just be annoyed and try to back away from you for a while. I would definitely not break up with you in that case but I would definitely need my space because it would kinda make me feel weird.

    If you are in the second case right now I would say that you should give her her space and focus on yourself right now, but it isn't like a break up. If you start chasing after her it will freak her out and yes, it will lead to a break up because you would be confirming her fears.

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  • I mean I'd probably forgive him but I'd be pretty irritated he didn't just talk to me to begin with

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  • I would leave

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  • I would dump you in a heart beat. That's very bizarre behavior and not something I would put up wih

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What Guys Said 1

  • I know you want girs' opinions, but just as one guy to another, it's normal to be a little insecure at the beginning of a relationship, and it may have seemed suspicious that the girl didn't comment on who this blabla was that called..

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    • She doesn't have to comment on who this blabla was if he didn't ask her. If he wanted to know he should have asked. If the answer is flaky, then you can get suspicious. not before

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    • well, calling the guy who sent the text was not really the smarter option nor any less controlling

    • No but he didn't have to confront her to do that.. until she found out about it! The kind of thing insecure guys do.

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