Should I try to make it work with my ex even if he's cheated before and emotionally abusive?

I know this may sound incredibly dumb but HEY its my life and I AM getting help. Anyhow My ex boyfriend & I have been hanging out & having sex, though I do talk to another guy but he has no idea. My ex has broken my heart, torn me down and cheated on me in the past (2 years ago) but I feel like I'll nexer feel the way I feel when Im with him with any other man (DEEP in LOVE) the good & the bad. But last night he was emotionally abusive, told me horrible things, like I'm a headcase, I'm slow, etc THAN he says he needs his "sexual desires" satistified & has fantasies I'm like WTF. He said I satisfity him but he wants to hv me dress in lingere & role play which makes ME feel he wants someone else not ME for real, it'd be going great for us these past few weeks till last night. He also said I was spoiled bc I didn't want to go to a concert on the bus & we are from TOTTALLY diff worlds we were together for like 7 years off and on, his parents didn't raise him & he's always struggled even now on his own away from the foster care system,& mine are STILL married & I NEVER wanted for anything, he says I'm spoiled & resents me. We have SO much in common, & have fun together & are really connected but I'm torn. What do you think?

Updates:
okay MAYBE I shouldn't have used the term "abusive" he did say really terrible things that I HATE and hurt me incredibly but someone told he that isn't nessacarily abuse. Although it has happened before. but I did some research I wouldn't classify it as abusive but defintly something I shouldn't put up with: using things I tell him against me, insults, mixed messages, saying I'm slow, calling me a headcase etc

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This all comes down to self respect. You know how he makes you feel and you know that it is bad for you, but you are drawn to him and can't explain why.

    What you need to do is understand what is best for you and feels right in the long run--which you know, deep down, is living a life without him. You need to understand that you will go through a period of pain when you stop seeing him, but that you have to do it for yourself. Really, if you are willing to love yourself enough, you will end it and go through that withdrawal period. Remember "the best way out is always through"

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What Guys Said 1

  • I just don't understand women who would put up with any guy that has cheated on him in the past or was abusive in any way.

    There has to be other options... why would you even consider it. You may be in love with him, but if he cheats... he was never in love with you?

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What Girls Said 4

  • You should use the term abusive because that is abusive. Don't be with someone abusive. I thought I could never love someone as deeply as I did with my ex despite all his abuse. Turns out you can and it is a stronger, deeper, even more wonderful love than when you love someone who abuses you.

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  • With the cheating you have to decide if it's something you can work through. Your trust is broken, can it ever be rebuilt? There are plenty of couples that move past a cheating incident and are seemingly just fine. That's a personal preference if you wanna get through that with him.

    Emotionally abusive is entirely different. You should never stay with someone who is emotionally damaging to you. You deserve so much better.

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  • Heck no. You deserve better! Think about it this way: picture your sister or best friend; someone you truly care about. Would you advise one of them to stay with a guy who was abusive?

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  • Hell no, run

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