Your ex broke up your marriage by cheating... did you tell your kids the truth, or did you help your ex save face in their eyes?

If you told them... then why, was it for you, or for them? If you saved your ex... why did you do it?
  • I told them because they need to know
    Vote A
  • I did not tell them bc I did not want my kids resenting him/her
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • maybe you should tell your kids after they have grown and are mature enough to be able to handle something like this

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    • I always figured I would eventually... but am having second thoughts. I know it is the truth, but what would my kids have to gain from it? They believe that we divorced because we did not love each other anymore. I know its not he truth, but I don't feel it is necessary to make my ex look bad and hurt my kids anymore than they have been.

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    • I think it's important to not lie to your kids. But you should definitely make sure they are ready to receive this information and present it in the best way possible. Maybe you can find a way to not make your ex look as bad in the situation and break it to your kids softly. However, it is really up to you, and if you don't feel ready to discuss this yet then you can wait as long as you like. But it may upset your kids that you have kept something so serious from them.

    • That would be accurate. I guess it was not so much a lie, but a slight deviation from the truth, and no I am not pining for at all... it is much better now. I love my kids and spend as much time as I can with them. We share custody 50/50.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I think it would depend on their age or maturity level. Also, I would discuss it with the ex. Regardless of if we're together or not, I would still want to consult with one another regarding things that could greatly affect our children.

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    • That's really mature of you... most couples that I know of bash through those types of discussions... it is really unfortunate for the kids when that happens though.

What Guys Said 5

  • I've seen kids turn so bitter and resentful toward the offending parent and toward life in general. I think that kind of knowledge can be so toxic to kids.
    Even if you say something fairly neutral like "mommy said she didn't love me anymore" it alerts kids that mommy might not love 'me' anymore someday.
    Wait until they're old enough to understand adult relationships.

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  • My parents broke up because my father was cheating. My mom choose to tell me when I was old enough to understand. I was glad to find out it wasn't my fault.

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    • Both of us have expressed to the kids its not their fault at all it was just a mutual decision by us the parents. We made it absolutely clear that it had nothing to do with them.

    • But without a clear reason, children naturally assume it's them. But wait until they're old enough to understand.

    • For now I am willing to let it go... simply to keep my kids happy and they have adjusted quite well. I do not want to ruin their happiness for my own purposes... love them too much to do that!

  • Ill always tell my kids the truth.

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  • Obviously you're a lot older than I but if I was in your position, and maybe this would change if I really was, but I feel I would tell them. Not because they need to know but because I feel that if they knew they would just have an overall better understanding of why you aren't together any more. My parents are still together but apparently kids sometimes blame themselves for why their parents ended up getting divorced so if you told them why that happened they wouldn't blame themselves.

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  • Hasn't happened, but I don't think I'd tell them.

    similarly if marriage broke up over lack of sex (more likely) I would try really hard not to mention that was why, and just lie. though i suspect she'd say crap and i'd end up having to either slam her or look guilty.

    Ideally i don't think your sex life is something your kids need to know the details on.

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