It doesn't make sense. Im married, we've been separated a year. Within that separation I had fun and a little exploration. For the first 5 months of our separation we were not friendly or talking. After 7 months I had an accident and then we started talking again because we have assets together like car insurance and phone lines that we can't break yet due to contract. Well, because of our past of him being sporadically abusive with me, he feels bad. He wants to help me. We don't want to get back together, but he wants to see me succeed because he knows he held me back. So he's been paying my car insurance and phone bill for the past 6 months. My friends seem to judge me for this... like.. this shouldn't be happening. Like I shouldn't accept it when he gives me rides to work when i have no other way of getting there because my car might be totaled right now or the fact that were still civil must mean i am planning on getting back together with him but i am not. And i know he is not either, we are clear about that with each other, we know it just cannot work between us but it can if we are at a distance as friends and no intimacy. I'm tired of being treated like I'm a bad person when were both consenting adults on having a friendship after a 6 year relationship. He is no longer nasty with me because we are friends at a distance, i have eliminated that risk of setting him off emotionally like that. He is always friendly with me and he's moved on. He doesn't hurt his friends or family or anyone else. I know i take that risk of him maybe losing his temper one day but we avoid talking about our past relationship honestly or other men/women in our lives. We keep it civil and friendly. Why do people judge me for this? Why do they view this as a negative relationship? I have no obligation to get back together with him or have sexual relations.. we still plan on getting a divorce.. so why is him helping me sometimes so bad?
Most Helpful Guy
Taking into consideration that he has changed into a wonderful man that is so giving in nature now, it feels more like a tactic to win you back than anything else. He is claiming to be a changed man that wants to atone for what he did. That is a classic way of manipulating someone. Even if he is genuine there are a lot of bad people that have used similar tactics. I understand people being worried about you.
As for them thinking they have a right to judge you, well the truth is they do have that right. Just because society says we shouldn't judge someone, doesn't mean we don't have the right. Judging others one way or another is just something humans do. We are all judged based on the decisions we make, even if those decisions don't effect anyone other than ourselves.0
Most Helpful Girl
I think they're just worried about you. Becoming friends with your abuser is a big risk. Mainly because he could get abusive again, but also because those ties are extremely hard to eliminate once you've been married and in love. Continuing to see him and be friendly with him could cause feelings to linger, whether you realize it or not.
I think they just want to see you functioning independently from him.0