It doesn't make sense. Im married, we've been separated a year. Within that separation I had fun and a little exploration. For the first 5 months of our separation we were not friendly or talking. After 7 months I had an accident and then we started talking again because we have assets together like car insurance and phone lines that we can't break yet due to contract. Well, because of our past of him being sporadically abusive with me, he feels bad. He wants to help me. We don't want to get back together, but he wants to see me succeed because he knows he held me back. So he's been paying my car insurance and phone bill for the past 6 months. My friends seem to judge me for this... like.. this shouldn't be happening. Like I shouldn't accept it when he gives me rides to work when i have no other way of getting there because my car might be totaled right now or the fact that were still civil must mean i am planning on getting back together with him but i am not. And i know he is not either, we are clear about that with each other, we know it just cannot work between us but it can if we are at a distance as friends and no intimacy. I'm tired of being treated like I'm a bad person when were both consenting adults on having a friendship after a 6 year relationship. He is no longer nasty with me because we are friends at a distance, i have eliminated that risk of setting him off emotionally like that. He is always friendly with me and he's moved on. He doesn't hurt his friends or family or anyone else. I know i take that risk of him maybe losing his temper one day but we avoid talking about our past relationship honestly or other men/women in our lives. We keep it civil and friendly. Why do people judge me for this? Why do they view this as a negative relationship? I have no obligation to get back together with him or have sexual relations.. we still plan on getting a divorce.. so why is him helping me sometimes so bad?
Most Helpful Girl
I had almost the exact same experience as you. And believe me, do not trust the peace.
My ex abused me emotionally and when he realized I was really gone and already had moved part of my stuff out he was a changed man suddenly.
Letting me borrow the truck to buy furniture, lending me the car. He pretended to be my friend because "he realized what an idiot he has been" and totally accepted that I left him. He gave me space and was acting like a good friend and mature human being. I used to work for him, and he even kept paying me my salary even though I was not coming to the office anymore.
We where handling the divorce stuff a few days a week and would actually get along.
That my dear friend was a huge pile of BS.
It was his way of trying to manipulate me into thinking he really did learn his lesson and that I would (as many times before) fall for him again.
But wattayaknow!! The day I told him AGAIN that we where over and that in fact I had met someone (that wasn't true, I lied to get rid if him) his niceness was gone. He showed his real face again, and of course he stopped lending me the truck or anything (even though it was still half mine mind you not)
So don't buy into any of it. Take advantage of it for as long as you need it to get back on your feet, but try to separate your new life from him as soon as possible.
Just a pointer, during separation, the husband or breadwinner of the family is SUPPOSED to pay your insurance. That is not charity on his part. And honey, as long as he pays the phone bills, he also has access to call records. Think about that for asecond.1