9 year relationship, 6 months pregnant, what is going on when he tells me he wants to break up NOW?

We've been together 9 years. He's raised my 10 year old son. Not married, but in a relationship. Last Sunday he told me he cheated on me in 2012. I had no idea. I forgave him. We've been best friends and (I thought) very honest and open with eachother during our relationship and I truly believe he loves me. We're expecting a daughter in July. We own a house and he's now told me he thinks we should break up. He's not seeing anyone else now. He's going on that he's not going to move out (financially we can't do that now) & he'll stay a few months after our daughter comes. He's been very affectionate and he's trying to be supportive any way he can. He says I love you and I can't even say it back. How can I? I have no idea wtf is going through his head. I'm wondering if maybe having a daughter is freaking him out and prompting all of this from him? Will he come around after she's here? Any guys with kids go through this? Any women? I'm just very distraught about all of this!
I should have added that we made the mutual agreement not to get married. Both of us came from broken homes and agreed that no marriage certificate would keep us together if we didn't want to be. It was both of putt agreement from very early.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you were married, he would have thought 5 times before jumping to such a decision. And even then, would have to take the responsibility. Now, face it !!! Sorry. I'm old school and I have zero tolerance for certain things that have become the norm. Of course I am in the minority in GAGville so you will find plenty others to sympathize with you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It appears, rhymingvixen, that he has surpassed the "Seven year itch," and now with another bun in the oven, he is suddenly getting cold feet With------Maybe having a daughter is frwaking him out and prompting all of this from him...
    I find that he is being cold as a fish and even though he tries to be all lovey dovey, all the affection and kissy pooing will not make up for the cold hard facts that he is Not being supportive, is possibly leaving you eventually with all the headaches and heartaches and might I also add, the Responsibilities of a 10 year old and now a babe in Toy land... he is a coward to boot and is just running away because he is feeling trapped in this reality that is turning out to be Not only his own Twilight Zone but yours here, dear.
    You have time before the little one is due and even after the fact, some more time to kill. You both need to try and pull together before this bough breaks and the cuddling and the cradle breaks.
    Thank your lucky stars you are not married. This would even be more of an added stress situation that would definitely be complicated for all who is concerned.
    He has to realize you have not only a roof with responsibilities but two little ones that he can't and mustn't just abandon but keep under his wing.
    If he decides to go, make sure you speak to social services or a lawyer and find out what your rights are. If he plans on someday abandoning the ship, make sure this cagey captain doesn't end up a dead beat dad because who knows if you can even trust him with anything anymore.
    Good luck and blessings for the rest of 2015. xx

    • I think you've got a lot of the points I was thinking to be true as well. I hope in this remaining time we can pull it together. If not, guess its not meant to be.

    • Only time will tell, keep God close, sweetie.. xx

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Tough one. I'd kick his ass out though. Simple as that.

  • He got scared.. But based on a relationship that long he should be ready for whatever.


What Girls Said 5

  • Awww such unfortunate news :((((( That's really messed up that his actions have changed once you gave him the news about your pregnancy and the fact that he cheated on you a couple of years back. SMH Not a good man, I wouldn't blame you if you can't say "I love you" back I wouldn't and couldn't either. He isn't worth getting married with sad but true he doesn't seem to want to be a married and family man :(((( I wish you well with your new baby girl, never forget to love your babies, skip him.

  • It's unfortunate, but everything turns out right in the end

  • Maybe he feels stressed out thinking if he could support and give all you need (you, your son and coming daughter), if he still have time for himself since he will be a real father in few months, and if he can handle all the responsibilities without being unfaithful to you.
    In short, could be he feels the fear and worries or thinks a lot and the only solution he could think of now is to escape on how he feels which is to break up. But I think he won't leave you if he really loves you more than his fear.
    Just give him space and time. Never pressure him nor get frustrated. For now, focus on yourself, your son and baby. Be positive and good luck.

    • Thank you so much. He's one of those people that can't turn their brains off. From the beginning he's bern excited but thinking his life will be prison now. I greatly appreciate your response. You've given me some peace.

    • You're welcome. I'm glad it gave you some peace. Take care.

  • Whatever happens, put your baby and pregnancy first, take care of yourself and your health and focus on what you can control which is having the healthiest pregnancy you can have. Time usually is the best factor in cases like these and trying to figure out what's in his head will only cause you stress. This time is about YOU and your bond with your unborn child - hopefully if values what he has had with you he will be there for you and your children, no matter if you continue the romantic relationship or not. Put your kids first, the rest will follow. Good luck dear - wishing you all the best!

    • Thank you so much. I hope he stops thinking so much. I spoke briefly with his mother and she's positive he's just inside his own head.

  • He never was ' yours' or ' his.' If he was, he'd have married you more than 8 years ago. Unfortunately, you were convenient for him. Hate being so blunt but that's my 2 cents. A man knows what he ants with a woman from the get go.

    • Lol right bc men are all prophets. Get out of Lala land. People get married and get divorced people dont get married and stay together. Whatever he wants or thought he wanted is irrelevant. He has responsibilities towards his kids. She's not the unfortunate one. He's an idiot.

    • Show All
    • You may say he'll take the responsibility of caring for the kids however if he didn't take responsibility to be your one and truly- you can't assume he'll care for his kid. Remember your 10 year old is not his kid.

    • And knowing what he wants IS very relevant. What choices has he made- the ones which meant more to him than you...

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