After 4 years with my fiancés and I want out... how do I do it without hurting him or myself?

We have been together for 4 years, he's not the same guy I met, he is really gross now and becoming very unattractive. I'm not shallow but I mean... his hair is longer mine, he knows I hate beards and chest hair and won't shave, he showers MAYBE every 3-4 days and he doesn't even brush his teeth regularly anymore. He's laid off, I work and yet he doesn't find its his job to clean house and put dishes in the dishwasher. In the morning Ileave a plate and glass on the table thinking that since he has nothing to do he can pick up 2 small things...he doesn't. He makes a big mess and expects me to clean it. He doesn't put away groceries, he doesn't even have dinner made for me when I get home and I only have so long because I work split shifts everyday. He is eating really unhealthy food and he's gaining a large amount of weight but the smell is emanating from his pours. I have spoke with him about it and he gets angry with me. I'm a girl that works 12 days on 2 off split shifts everyday. I go to the gym with my spare time, I don't eat junk food and I shower and brush my teeth 2 times and day and I can't stand a dirty house or an unsweetened floor even.... what the hell do I do ... I need out.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are Not being 'Shallow,' you have every right to feel like this here, dear, and with a loafer to boot, someone who won't even take pride himself to even clean not only his life up but his Own Self Up doesn't Deserve------I'm a girl that works 12 days on and 2 days off split shifts every day...
    Time to get your life in order and make some plans. You have everything put together and you don't need to be some low life's Enabler or life support that is sucking the money and life out of you, weighing you down like an anchor and eventually sinking your own life boat.
    Begin your beguine by arranging some different living quarters, where when it is time to pack up, lock, stock and barrel, you have a place to go. Sit him down, tell him where you stand and what you plan on doing and do Not deter from your goals or your new plans to Enable yourself to stay with this loser.
    He is in a rut, doesn't want to bother to find work because he knows he has you as his life savor. Don't let him cry to you about "What am I supposed to do now?" You tell him he has had plenty of opportunities to do something and with the way he is taking care of his own hygiene these days, shows me and should show you, he doesn't plan on doing anything to change anything but continue down this beaten path.
    If Lazy Bones gets 'Angry,' also tell him he has a Big World in which to get over it, and to get off his bum and go Out in this 'Big world' and start to do something resourceful.
    He will never change, just get worse. You need someone who is like yourself with motivation and mind set to be on the ball... this schmo is not it.
    Good luck. xx

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Break up.

    He will be upset.

    Then you both start moving on

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  • Wow tough break. It sounds like he opted out of the adult life of responsibilities. Just go the ultimatum route. Something needs to whip him out of the hole he's in!

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  • I have my doubt's that none of these signs were visible beforehand. That is quite a large change in personality after 4 years.

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What Girls Said 3

  • He sounds as if he has become too comfortable and like a worthless slob. Tell him that you two are going two different directions in life and it's no longer working to be together.

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  • i AM kindA like your bf. Only I do shower and brush my teeth and well try to go to school.

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  • Yep, get out while you can. Someone will get hurt but the alternative is to go ahead and get married and then you are stuck with him.

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