How do I tell her that she should dump her bf?

So I have this friend who has been dating her boyfriend for a year. They dated for 4 years broke up for 8months and have been back together for a while. The reason they broke up is becuase he told her he didn't love her, and called her fat. He totally wrecked her emotional confidence and self esteem. She took her 8 months and spent that time working out and making herslef better, but she was still emotionally suffering. THey have been back together for a while, but now she has let herself go again.
He is the type of guy that dosent want to make any effort. We are in college and he goes to school 10 mins away in boston, so he could come visit her easily but he never does, when he dose come over it just seems like a booty call.(my bf lives across the country and he comes to visit more often) They have sex and he leaves ( that has only been like 4 times this whole year). He barely texts her, and dosent really treat her respectfully. She always gives him excuses, and trys to make it seem like its ok, when I can tell its not. He spends like 20 hours a week playing video games but he won't take a night to come and visit her! She tells me that she loves him, but he does NOT love her the way she loves him. She talks about their future together, but he never does. She deserves so much better, how can I tell her that!
Whenever we are talking about our boyfriends with friends she will always try to contribute, but her boyfriend never really does anything special or nice for her. She knows that she deserves better, but I feel like because of her emotional issues she dosent think she could get another guy to love her.... which is really sad.
How do I show her or tell her that she deserved better and that she could be treated better?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well you can't really do anything. You telling her to break up with her boyfriend is the same as a mother telling her rebellious delinquent son to be safe. She probably doesn't like the way he treats her but they have so much history that it tends to be rather difficult to just end something, whether it is bad or good. Usually some people are blinded by the negative things that go on in their relationship because they are crazy about their partner or they don't know any better. We accept the love we think we deserve ( I know, cheesy? but it's true) . Overall, you can't really do anything but it wouldn't hurt to tell her in a calm manner.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Just say...

    Yo that bf of yours is a lazy ass mofo!

    What's with that... give ur head a shake girl, you can do so much better.

    ... I think that will cut right to the chase!

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  • Thats a tough one. I would just have a serious talk with her about your concerns and try not to be critical of her in the process. It's hard to change the way someone feels from the outside.

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  • This guy sounds like a dirtbag

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What Girls Said 2

  • I agree with smokahontas. Your friend has a very low self esteem. She continues to go back with someone who knocked down every bit of what she built up. It's not healthy, but you telling her what she should do will only make her resent you. You mean well as her friend that cares, but you honestly can't do anything to make her see what is going on. She has to on her own. But it may take months, even years, unfortunately.

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  • You can't really make her leave her boyfriend she needs to see herself and decide when it's time for her to find someone better. My cousins boyfriend was the same I knew she could do better, and I would tell her that i finally realize that what I said didn't matter cuz she was still gonna be with him.

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